Sunday, December 13, 2009
Okay, it has not been a great day today. I got the call this morning with the fertilisation results and we only have 8 embryos. JourneyMan is quick to point out that this is our best cycle ever but I am left feeling very vulnerable. I mean, what if we don't get any that survive to day 5 - all of a sudden I am feeling very scared, emotional and anxious.
All my people have been saying comforting things (via text message) but I can't help but worry. Up until now, I had felt mainly positive and almost invicible, especially with the results of the EPU. Now I am full of worry and am playing the 'what if' game. We have come along way (and paid alot of money) to get to where we are and whilst I have never been in the position of having 8 embryos before, I thought that we would have more.
I know that I sound really ungrateful - it is just that I am so desperate. I think I am going to have to pull out my St Jude medal that the MIL gave me and sleep with it under my pillow tonight - Patron Saint of Desperate Cases is what I need right now I tell you!!
I irrationally thought that I could leave the fear behind. I also think that the drugs are having an ill effect on me - the noises of Bangkok are getting to me right now - I had to escape to the sanctuary of the hotel room all afternoon, though tomorrow we are off to the weekend market in Bangkok. JourneyMan has never been but I went with my bestie and it is very massive, hot and overwhelming - we will get there early and get out before it gets to hot I think!