Tomorrow....

So, yesterday Boo2 stopped moving much again.  I tried all the tricks to get him moving, pushing and poking, cold drinks, sugary drinks, changing position to one I know he doesn’t like but nothing.  I called the OB’s after hours number at about 9:30pm because I was getting really worried, normally at that time, he is quite active and kicking but still, nothing.

The OB (who happened to be the fill in OB that I had had the issue with previously) said to go into labour and delivery immediately to have him monitored so we called my Mum and she came over to sit in the house with JBB asleep and we drove in to the hospital. 

Once we were in, the monitoring went pretty quickly and I felt like little Boo2 had made a bit of a mockery of me as he started moving when we were there.  I was hugely relieved because previously, there had been nothing I could do to raise him.  The fill in OB said that if the monitoring went well, we could go straight home and she would inform our normal OB of what had happened in the morning.

So, this morning I got a call from the OB saying that it was time to get this kid out, even though the monitoring was fine, he was concerned that this reduction in movement was recurring.  He said he would see if he could find a time over the next day or so to get him out.  Then I got a call from his office saying that there was a space available at 3:30pm and could we get to the hospital at 1pm.

Then everything went into overdrive, I called JourneyMan and told him to get his bum home, called my Mum to see if she could take care of JBB for the day and the night.  My sister also came over to help out so I could at least get in the bath and wash my horrible hair (she also straightened it for me, bless her!).  Finally, JourneyMan and I headed off to the hospital and we waited for our room to become available.

After awhile, I got a call from my OB and he had talked to the anaesthetist and that we couldn’t go ahead with the Caesarean today because I had had a needle of Clexane last night and they needed to wait a bit longer to get it out of my system.  They did want me to stay in the hospital though so that they could monitor the baby to make sure that all is good.  So, we will meet our little man tomorrow.

So that is where I am now, at the hospital, being pregnant for my last ever night and looking forward to seeing my new little man tomorrow.  JourneyMan was here with me but had to go home to look after JBB, so he won’t be back until tomorrow morning.  My Bestie dropped in on her way home from work and spent a few hours with me and it was great to just talk, really great.

There are a lot of feelings going through me at the moment.  Relief that I will see my little man soon, grief that my Dad isn’t going to be here to see him, excitement that our family will soon be complete, fear for the Caesarean tomorrow. 

I am in awe that this brings to an end our journey through infertility.  Have we beaten it and won?  I would more consider that it is a happy truce.  Infertility kicked us hard but we fought to be parents and that is who we are today.  I am sure it is who I was born to be.  There have been many participants along our road, fertility specialists both in Australia and Thailand, nurses, patient coordinators, sonographers, obstetricians, our whole team in Thailand, our beautiful, generous donor and family and friends.  It has taken a lot of people to get to this point and there are more that will help bring Boo2 into the world tomorrow.

There are no words to thank all of these people who have helped realize this precious dream.  My heart is overwhelmed with the gratitude that I feel for each and every person who has helped us.

To my darling Boo2:

I have dreamt of you, I have felt you move, I have travelled thousands of miles to have you, I have done everything I can to ensure your safe entry into the world, you are wanted in every way possible, you are my boy and I love you already, even though I haven’t seen your face yet.  Sweetheart, I can’t wait until you are in my arms tomorrow, I won’t ever want to let you go.

Here is your song:  Credit – ‘In my Life’ The Beatles, The Red Album

All my life though some have changed

Some forever not for better

Some have gone and some remain

All these places had their moments

With lovers and friends I still can recall

Some are dead and some are living

In my life I've loved them all

But of all these friends and lovers

There is no one compares with you

And these memories lose their meaning

When I think of love as something new

Though I know I'll never lose affection

For people and things that went before

I know I'll often stop and think about them

In my life I love you more

Though I know I'll never lose affection

For people and things that went before

I know I'll often stop and think about them

In my life I love you more

In my life I love you more

I know I'll often stop and think about them

In my life I love you more

In my life I love you more

A big update....

Wow, it has been awhile since I posted but most of that time was the Christmas rush as well as our holiday to the beach.  Here is a big update of what's been happening with everything over the past couple of weeks:

Christmas:

Well, Christmas was very full on.  The week before Christmas was a blur of packing, getting final presents, wrapping and helping out my Mum because she had 20 people over to her place for a Christmas gathering on the Sunday and 20 people coming over for Christmas lunch on Christmas day.  It was crazy times.  The Sunday of the Christmas gathering for my Mum's brother and his family was massively hot - originally we were going to have it outside but it was just too hot so we had our day inside.  JBB was also really tired and we were going to leave early because I thought we had no chance of being able to get him to have a sleep while all the kids were playing but he came up to me and said 'tired Mummy', so I put him to bed and he had about 2 hours sleep which was fabulous.

On Christmas eve, I spent the day finishing our packing for our trip away.  I also had packed us all bags for Christmas day because we would be leaving at 7am and would not be back to the house until after 9pm.  Once I had most of our house in order, I went around to my Mum's place and helped her get ready for the 20 people Christmas lunch.  I also had to make my maple syrup pork belly and a dessert for Christmas night with JourneyMan's family.

My younger sister is getting married in the New Year to a lovely man of Indian heritage and we always have dinner together at my Mum's place on Christmas eve and watch the Carols by Candlelight on the TV.  This year we decided to honour the Thai and Indian heritage in our families and we made a Thai and Indian feast, it was delicious!!  Thankfully it wasn't too late a night because we knew that Christmas day was going to be a very full on day.

On Christmas morning, JBB was up at 5:15am and Father Christmas had visited this very good boy!! It took him a little bit of time to get in the hang of opening up the presents but after awhile, he was very proficient and 'ripping it'.  He had such a good morning.  Father Christmas gave him some clothes, some Thomas train tracks and trains and a new bike - he was very, very spoilt!!

After a play with the toys and a shower and bath for everyone, we headed over to Mum's place for another round of presents (we were all very spoiled!!) and breakfast.  It was a big cooking day so basically we were cooking and organising from about 9:30am to we sat down to lunch at about 1pm.  Lunch was a bit scattered this year so we are looking at a change of format for next year to make it a bit easier for everyone involved!!

After lunch it was more presents and Christmas pudding and then we watched the dvd of photo's from my Dad's funeral - we wanted to have some recognition of him and it was nice to see all the lovely photos again.  It was very emotional though and thoughout Christmas time, I found I was grieving a lot of the time.  My Dad loved Christmas and I missed him so much, it was very hard.

After that we headed on the 90min drive to JourneyMan's sister's place for Christmas dinner and presents with JourneyMan's family.  The drive was super tough, JourneyMan needed to have a sleep so I drove most of the way and by the time we got there, we were all exhausted.  It was nice to see JourneyMan's family and spend time and have presents with them but it was 9pm by the time we got home and it was just too much in one day.  We are going to have to think about what will happen next year because that was really too much.

Once we got home, we finished our packing and took down the Christmas tree and tried to clean up as much as possible - we needed an early night because we were leaving for our holiday the next day at 4am.

Boxing Day

As it happens, I set the alarm to pm rather than am so we didn't get quite the early start that we wanted. We ended up leaving at 5:30am but that was okay because we still missed most of the traffic and JBB was pretty good in the car.  We stopped about 90 mins down the road for breakfast and then stopped again around 90mins later to take JBB to a big park along the way.  We had a pretty good break there and then continued on for the rest of the 7 hour trip.  JBB fell asleep so we continued to drive and he didn't wake until we almost reached our destination which was fantastic.  We stayed in a cabin and got ourselves organised and unpacked.  My brother, his wife and their 2 daughters arrived about 2 hours after us so we went and helped them to set up their tent.  My Mum, Sister and two of her boys arrived a couple of hours after that and we were all there.  We had an early night and commenced our holiday.

Holiday

I can't believe how quickly those 10 days went - it was like the blink of an eye.  JBB had the best time every day playing with his cousins and there was never ending entertainment with a pool, a playground with a jumping pillow and the beach all within a few minutes walk of our cabin.  JBB was beside himself he was so happy.  The weather was beautiful though we didn't do a great deal of sight seeing because we were a bit like slaves to JBB's schedule.  He gets up between 5-6am so JourneyMan and I take turns in getting up with him and taking him away so that the other one can have a sleep in and I tell you, I needed it, I was absolutely exhausted.  Thankfully, JBB still has his afternoon sleep so most days I also had an afternoon sleep - it was bliss.  I got a lot of reading and sleeping done on the holiday but that was about it.

It was very sad up there too though.  My Mum and Dad started taking us to this holiday place when I was about 8 years old - we have all been going up there ever since.  It was very hard this year up there without Dad and sometimes I was overwhelmed with sadness.   I know that it is stupid and doesn't make sense but I think some part of me was hoping that he would be there when we went there because he always was.  We are thinking it might be our last year of going up there though I am not sure of it yet - we will look at our options.

Home

We got home on Saturday and immediately set about unpacking, washing and cleaning the house.  We both had to go back to work on Monday so we had to get on to things straight away.  Yesterday was a pretty lazy day though I had the cramps and a headache big time so I didn't get to organise our food for the week - looks like it is going to be a bit of a slap dash week.

Boo2 (New baby)

So, most of the time everything has been going well with Boo2.  Before Christmas I rented a doppler because I was starting to have panic attacks that something was wrong and this helped to keep everything on track.  Most of the time I have been feeling pretty good but the cramps are becoming more and more frequent now which is not only painful but very worrying (even though I had this with JBB, I still can't stop myself from worrying).  They have been so bad that I have been having trouble walking, yesterday was an especially bad bout.

21 week scan

So, Boo2 is growing well and is measuring correctly and in the anatomy scan, we have found that everything is in its rightful place but today we found out that I have only a 2 vessel placenta and not the normal 3 vessel one.  I have read up what this means on the internet and I am very scared though I am trying to keep my panic to a minimum until I see the OB tomorrow - then I have many, many questions to ask.  I hope and pray that everything is okay with my little baby boy, Boo2 but as usual, the panic threatens to take over at any minute.  I am very worried.

Much to Tell...

There has been a lot going on over here.  Last Saturday would have been my Dad's 70th birthday so it was a pretty sad day.  We got together as a family and celebrated his birthday together.  I miss him.  I know that people expect you to get over these things very quickly but it is not so easy.  I still have a cry about it most weeks.  I cried on the way to work this morning.  I went to the market in the morning on Saturday and what with the emotionality of the rest of the day, I was exhausted when I got home and I started getting cramps - cramps in a position that I had never gotten them before - immediately, I started to worry.

JourneyMan takes JBB to swimming lessons on Sunday mornings so I was free to have a sleep in and even though I went to bed at 9:30pm, I didn't wake up until 9:50am - what!?!?!  I did have a couple of get ups to go to the loo but still, that is one loooooong sleep.  I felt so much better after it such an amazing rest and even though the weather was beautiful on Sunday, we had a nice quiet family day at home in the backyard.  The cramps didn't come back so I relaxed a bit.

I got a call from my Mum at 6am on Monday morning telling me that she was sick and could I work from her place because she couldn't take care of JBB on her own.  Of course I said yes but when I got there, she was worse than I thought, she couldn't lift her hands above her head, she couldn't do up her bra or pull up her pants the whole way.  I was REALLY worried.  I took her up to the doctors and it turns out that she has polymyalgia.  It's a condition that causes pain and stiffness in the joints. Unfortunately, in the course of getting JBB in and out of the car so many times, I did my back (which is always pretty dodgy anyway).  When I got home that night, I was absolutely exhausted again.  Interestingly enough, the drug that they have prescribed Mum is the same one that I have on the cycles - a steroid to help the pain and reduce inflammation.

Thankfully, when I called my Mum the next day, she had already started to feel a little better.  My back was also feeling a little better on Tuesday but still a little tender.  In the afternoon, the cramps came back with a vengeance and were accompanied by a discharge.  I immediately packed up my work and left.  I called the OB on the way home, he said that even though it was in a different area than I normally have - this was in the cervix, he thought it was still stretching pains but because of my uterus shape (which is linked with incompetent cervix), he wanted me to go in for an ultrasound the following day, despite having one booked for Thursday.  I was worried, I couldn't help but imagine the worst.  I tried to put it out of my mind as much as possible but I was still worried.

JourneyMan and my Bestie came with me to the scan - I really wanted my people with me to have the support.  Thankfully, the scan revealed a delightful picture of the new but and we could see the heartbeat straight away, I breathed a huge sigh of relief.  The baby is measuring perfectly and everything is going really, really well.

I am happy to reveal that we are having........ A BOY!!!  We are SOOOOOOO happy!!  There was a moment of sadness that I won't experience having a daughter but that evaporated quickly and a smile has been on my face since.  I am destined to be surrounded by blokes - even JourneyDog who is Woolly is a boy.  I am in love with our new little baby boy already and I am so very happy that we will all be a family.

They checked my cervix and everything there is perfect as well so we are still very much on track.  

The other lovely news is that I can feel my darling boy moving - I don't think that I had forgotten how special this was but it is such a special time.  Only I can feel him moving, it's our own little special secret.

JBB is also a complete and utter darling.  Today, we experienced a ridiculously hot, 39 degree day (102 F) - our hottest November day since 1997.  I thought I would take JBB to the pool straight after day care because really there was no other way to get really cool.  We normally go to a pool near to our old house but in my wisdom, I thought I would try the one a little closer to the new house.  Wrong, there was massive construction going on there and we ended up walking for 20mins in the blazing sun to get to the pool.  I was not feeling great and must of been whinging a bit because JBB said 'Mummy, stop, hugs' - he gave me a hug to feel better.  He is honestly the sweetest little boy that ever lived.  I am a little ashamed that I had to be comforted by my two year old but also proud that he has the ability to give comfort. Every day, he amazes me with the new words that he knows, the songs he can sing and the jokes that he can tell - he just loves to make us laugh.  

Now that I know that the baby is a boy, I still can't help but be a little sad that he won't meet my Dad and I don't want him to feel a bit left out that he didn't get to meet him when JBB did.  A thought struck me this morning though, maybe my Dad went to get our darling boy and make sure that he got to us.   That makes the relationship between the two special.  I have resolved to tell our new little baby boy this when I tell him about my Dad.  It feels like the truth to me too.

A very big week in the Journey household.  

My happiness is slowly creeping back!

Words from a song from one of my favourite bands (Powderfinger - an Aussie band).

I am feeling alot better now. JourneyMan and I are back being happy again and have made some decisions on our house. Hurrah, we have decided to renovate before the baby comes!! It is going to be a pretty big project but I am SOOOOO excited about it. On Wednesday I was driving home from work sobbing to my mum that I will go crazy with our 1971 kitchen that we have in our unit - I spoke to JourneyMan that night and we decided.

We had not completed the renovations previously because of the money that we needed to save for IF treatments - thankfully we are having a bit of a break from that so we are able to do it. We also had great news on our tax returns so things are looking up money-wise - yay. It has taken a huge amount of pressure off us though we still have quite a bit of saving to do.

I had my first of the weekly scans to check my cervix on Friday and I got some gorgeous 2d and 4d pics of the baby - hurrah. It is back to the old vaginal scan though - I thought that I had left those behind me for the moment but they are back and they are weekly. I was in there so long my legs were shaking. At one point the sonographer (I still haven't looked up whether that's the right word yet - but I will soon!) paged the doctor and I am pretty sure I went white with fear. It turns out that she just wanted to determine with the doctor whether I have one or two cervixes - I wanted to give her a punch for scaring the hell out of me.

They talked about it for awhile (all the while wanding away in my delicate regions) but after awhile I have said, 'yes, i have been told that I have two, then one, then two then one again so it would not surprise me, however, after 3 transfers, a dye test and two operations, no-one has ever been able to confirm where the opening for the second one is' - the doctor's comment - 'well it is just interesting' to which I replied 'yes, everyone finds it interesting'. I was getting pretty impatient after I have had many similar reactions in many, many scans. Yes, I get it, I'm 'special' - nuff said for crying out loud.

Some good news in the scan though - the baby has two kidney's (whoo hoo, this is a big deal as I only have one!) and wait for it people...............................it's a BOY!!!! I have to admit, there was the smallest moment of hesitation because I wanted a girl and was sure that the baby was a girl but then came unbelievable happiness and I floated all the way home. Once I got home, I quickly went up to the shops and found a blue teddy with the boys name, that we have had picked out for years, amazingly they had one there and when JourneyMan got home, I showed it to him as he walked in the door and said you are having a son! Well, he has been walking around like a peacock since - bless him!!

Oh and of course the other good news is that the cervix is fine - she said 'beautiful' in fact which was nice!

So, I haven't updated since then because JourneyMan, JourneyDog and I (+ JourneyBabyBoy of course) went to see JourneyMan's sister and husband in country Victoria overnight which was lovely. She is also pregnant so it was fun to catch up. We missed all of the wild storms that hit our home town over the weekend - hail the size of golf balls, crazy, crazy weather so it was a relief to get home and find the house perfectly fine - yay.

And that is about all for this weekend. I have much blog reading to catch up on - will be back soon!