Monday, December 12, 2011
Sweet Relief and the countdown begins….
On Friday, a miracle happened – JBB started to act like himself again!! I tell you the relief was palpable – I had been so worried!! I thought I was never going to see my sweet little boy come back to me but he sure has. That doesn’t mean that there are no after effects. He is still waking up screaming every night around midnight-1am and then he comes into our bed to sleep with us – I think he is having nightmares – that’s what it seems like though of course, he cannot tell me what is going on so that makes it a little tough.
So, where does that bring us now? Well, over the weekend, I had a big cook up and froze a whole raft of meals because I am working full time over the next couple of weeks. I was getting worried about leaving JBB for all of this time but I have called my mum a couple of times today and he is going very well apparently (doesn’t want to have a sleep but other than that, all good). He only has one day at day care this week, thankfully and the rest of the time he is with his Nanna’s so that is very helpful. The thought of his little heart being damaged is still keeping me up at night but surely you get to a point where you can’t get any more tired, right?
I feel like I am plodding through things at the moment because I have so much to do in the lead up to Christmas and then hopefully leaving for Thailand the following day. I am trying to be positive and indeed I feel that I am supposed to go to Thailand on this trip. Of course I feel guilty about leaving JBB, I broke down crying the other night at the thought of it. Still, I feel like I need to do everything possible to give my darling boy a sibling and I am very hopeful that this will work.
Speaking of crying, my emotions are totally haywire right now. I started crying the other day whilst watching a childrens program, they were singing a song about going to the beach - yeah, cos that makes everyone cry right? So, for that reason, I am definitely not going to go to my Christmas catch up with all of my girlfriends, I just don't think I could make it through the night without crying. Hopefully at some point my emotions will go back to normal but for the moment, me and my black cloud need to stay away from festivities.
I am still in waiting mode. I have the appointment with the Melbourne fertility specialist on Wednesday morning and I am hopeful that he will give the go ahead for Thailand. I am also going to use the time to talk to him again about the bad cramps and what could be making them worse - really just for my own sanity, I don't think that there is anything that he can do but what harm asking?
In an effort to buck myself up and start being positive, I am beginning the countdown (and you know how I loves me a countdown!!) - this time in two short weeks, I will be waiting in the airport to fly out to Thailand. My little cheeky man will be tucked up in bed, watched by his Nanna. I will miss him terribly but it will all be worth it if I can get him a little sister or brother!