Sunday, April 11, 2010
Yes, I have felt JourneyBabyBoy move - it has to be one of my favourite feelings that I have ever had - so beautiful, so precious - I am truly blessed. I have songs that I sing to JourneyDog that is Woolly when I get home from work, or really just when I feel like singing to him (I have a terrible voice but I do enjoy singing!!) and now I have started to sing to JBB.
Some days I still feel that the whole experience is very surreal and then I have an ultrasound and see him wriggling about or I feel him move or I see my belly swell more and more each day and I am SOOOOOO happy. There were many times that I despaired of these days ever coming, that I would ever see two lines on a pregnancy test, that I would ever feel the unbridled joy of a baby moving inside me and now I am thankful for every tear shed and every struggle that we went through because I am paying attention. I have changed significantly. Previously, I was a bit of a bull at a gate and would just try to push my way through everything but now that JBB and I are together, I think twice about pushing myself too far - I say no if I am tired and I rest and take care of myself way better than before. Even with every cramp, dizzy spell or nausea, I am thankful to be able to have this experience.
It sounds totally cheesy but I was watching an episode of Guilana and Bill today and they were speaking to a counsellor and the counsellor said to them - what would it mean to you to be childless? This is something that I refused to be. I am proud that I didn't let our dreams float away on a sea of problems and treatments. I am proud that our relationship grew stronger as a result of al lthat happened - I am absolutely grateful to be in the position that we are now, nearly halfway through the pregnancy and meeting our darling boy.
Sometimes I think about the fact that JBB is not my genetic child and more and more each day, I feel like he is a part of me - a very special miracle who I am so excited to meet and love with all of my heart. It is a nice time at the moment, a secret time between myself and JBB - only I can feel him you see (though JourneyMan has a chat to him every day) and I love it so much when he gives me a kick to let me know he is there.