Tuesday, April 27, 2010
The basketballness of things.....
In the last couple of days, my stomach has really popped out. So much so that I feel that I finally really look pregnant. In a weird way, I think I guess I was denying that I really looked pregnant. Mainly because of the reason that I had a dent in the middle of my stomach so I didn't really have that round, basketball look - I felt that I looked more fat that pregnant.
Now, I really feel like I look pregnant and I tell you, I like it!! I am very basketball like and I feel really good about that - if I am brutally honest, I can't stop going and looking at myself in the mirror (narcissistic much!?!?). This is great news because I have always had a very fraught relationship with my shape. Funnily enough, I had finally accepted my pear shaped body - loving my flat stomach, small waist and top and accepting of my larger thighs and bum, no longer trying to exercise them away, just accepting that this is the shape I was born with. Then I got pregnant and I have to admit, I kind of freaked because my waist disappeared straight away and I was bloated right from the beginning so my flat stomach was also gone.
For a long time I felt that people were looking at me and thinking 'here we go again' because I thought they would think I was putting on weight again (being the yo-yo from way back) and not that I was pregnant - I mean, honestly, as if people don't have enough to do with their time!! I did go through a time where I felt like I needed Tim Gunn or Trinny and Susannah to tell me what to wear since I had no idea to dress for my new shape. Now I have decided on an 'emphasise the bump' strategy - it is very freeing.
It is nice to like my body after many years of (quite frankly) blatant hatred of it. After feeling for many years that my body had betrayed me because of the issues that I have, I really feel that I have started to embrace my body. It is nice to feel appreciate of my body and the fact that I have finally been able to experience pregnancy. I feel very womanly and probably for the first time, satisfied with my body. I am sure that I will continue to struggle with my body issues into the future but I feel that I have really made huge leaps.