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Thursday, August 23, 2012

My bags are packed, I’m ready to go…..

I am all at once very excited and nervous and worried.  Excited at the prospect of having a holiday in Thailand and hopefully having a successful cycle and bringing another baby into our lives.  Nervous that this all will be for nought and once again, the cycle will be a bust and worried about leaving JBB because I know that he will miss me a lot and I am not sure that he understands what is going on.

JBB was very clingy this morning.  I have been telling him for a while that I am going away and that we will talk every day on the computer and that after 10 days I will be coming back.  I am not sure how much he understands but I hope that he is not too upset when I am not there.  We have tried to keep things as much as possible the same as when I am home though JourneyMan is leaving work earlier every day so that he can spend more time with him to help to reassure him.  We are going to Sk.ype every day and I hope that will help him out.  

So much of my time spent as a mother is being torn.  I try to make the best decisions that I can but sometimes the consequences are both good and bad at the same time.  I will enjoy my time in Thailand, it will be fun having my bestie there – just like old times but I do feel a bit sick in my stomach at the thought that I might be hurting JBB.  I know that in the long run (if the cycle is successful), he will benefit greatly from my time away as he will have a sibling for life but it is still hard when I won’t be there to tuck him in and comfort him when he is hurting etc.

There is a part of me that feels guilty about having fun while I am away but then I want to be as happy and calm as possible for the cycle.  At the end of the day though, mostly what I am trying to focus on is that I am doing the best for our family in the long run.  I need to relax, stay positive and feel in top condition for the transfer and hopefully, I will be able to give JBB the best gift of all.

Check the ticker people – only hours to go…..

1 comment:

  1. Good luck and safe journey! I know exactly what you mean about being torn - I think that parenthood brings so many dilemmas like that. You are a great mum and you love him and do your best for him and that is the most important thing. Hoping for good news in a few weeks time :-).