Let's do the time warp....

Okay, so I know that I am a little impatient but honestly, has January been the longest month on record or what? This is usually the time of year that I find screams by because of summer, starting work later in the month, the Aussie day holiday and all that jazz. However, this month feels like it has dragged and dragged and dragged.

In Australia we have a game of football called Australian rules and in my town it is practically a religion. The season goes from late March until the end of August and September is a month of finals. My bestie and I always break the year up into footy season and non footy season. So I am driving myself a little batty that JourneyBaby is not due until the end of the footy season - and worse, the season hasn't even started yet!!

Maybe it is because it is still 3 weeks until we reach the 12 week milestone and maybe it is I am living in the land of uncertainty with my job but honestly, the last week has felt like it has taken a month. This week is also going to be very hectic with the project going live (I hope!!) and the many doctors appointments that I have - plus we have left getting our tax done until very late and I have an appointment Friday with the accountant and have to do mega amounts of work collecting info beforehand. Hopefully the fact that this week is busy will mean that time will go very, very quickly! I am also hoping that our meeting with the OB will go well on Wednesday.

In other news, my stomach has grown huge. I am pretty sure it is bloating but honestly - I am having trouble covering it up!

Have a good week everyone - hope February treats you well (and goes by very quickly!!).

Caution: Pregnancy Symptoms Ahead!

Well, I believe I have had my first real craving the other day. It was actually on Monday and I was so, so sick with MS but I had the strongest craving for white bread, roast chicken with salt and pepper. This is not a normal sandwhich for me, normally I would have some sort of meat and then all sorts of salad items. JourneyMan had the car on Monday and the thought of walking up to the shops in the hot sun nearly did me in so I ended up having some biscuits (crackers) and then a potatoe with some tuna.

When JourneyMan got home, I begged him to go and get the white bread (it had been years since I have eaten white bread, I am normally wholegrain all the way) and chicken. I made up my sandwhich and cut the crusts off (something I have NEVER done) and I have to tell you, it was the most satisfying meal of my life. It was soooooo good! JourneyMan laughed like crazy.

Now, here is a bit of TMI. I have had gas like no tomorrow - poor old JourneyMan's comment every time it blasts forth is 'bring back the magic, please' which sends me over the deep end laughing - gosh, it has been a crazy house I tell you! We are having a lot of laughs though which is really nice. It is so great to be so happy!!

Only a week to go until our OB appointment - yeah, hope the week will go fast! In other news, my project is FINALLY going live next Thursday so it is going to be a busy week getting all of that done as well as seeing the OB and the haematologist

JourneyMan Writes...- Morning Sickness City Limits

...have well and truly been breached. I must say I feel for JourneyGirl as her monring sickness lasts through many of the 8am - 5pm hour range and theres not a lot of respite for her.
Its a great reminder that we have JourneyBaby on the way so we are focusing on the positive even though we are dealing with the pains of the pregnancy.

JourneyDog and I have been trying to hug JourneyGirl as much as we can so she can feel our love and support during all of the daily sickness.

I feel bad for JourneyGirl so Im just trying to do what I can for her to help her feel better.
Everyone that I have told about the JourneyBaby have been very supporting and happy for us that we have the JourneyBaby on the way. I am quietly hopeful that we will make it to 12 weeks without incident and keep the JourneyBaby healthy from there on out.

We recently went in for the scan, across the road from Box Hill hospital . It was a juxtaposition of emotions as while we were filling in our form at the desk the kindly old admin behind the desk barked "Are you parked on site?" Since we answered no we did not get to find out why this would be an issue.

The scan tech was great, she was so happy and enthusiastic and she took some great pics of JourneyBaby for us. The most exciting part was the heartbeat. I was loving it how the heart illumnated with each beat and I couldnt believe how fast it was beating. 140 beats per minute! I didnt expect such a fast heartbeat, I was expecting something more like a resting beat of 60 bpm. I guess gestationing is really a workout.

I went away really happy and excited after the scan because of all the positive things the scan tech told us about JourneyBabys health. It feels great to know that we finally got over the conception hurdle. Im sure JourneyBaby will be with us before we know it.

Greetings from the couch...

True to my word, the couch has been my best friend today (along with JourneyDog of course!) and I intend for it to be tomorrow as well, though JourneyMan and I are thinking of a movie which will be nice. I didn't go to the market again this week - the thought of the smells there was my undoing, I just couldn't face it.

I did have a big day yesterday. I went to see one of my friends for lunch who is pregnant with her second. It was lovely to see her, I hadn't seen her for quite awhile, we were supposed to catch up before we went to Thailand but then she told me that she was pregnant and I just couldn't face the stress before the trip - I did let her know why and she was very understanding. We had a good discussion about our group of friends, there are five of us that are pregnant and one friend who just had a son a week or so ago. I can't help but be thankful that our trip to Thailand was successful otherwise I don't think I would be able to leave the house all year. I have the latest due date.

I have to admit, I am trouble assimilating myself back in to the world of socialising with my friends. It is Australia day on Tuesday and a friend is having a BBQ and all of the group will be going but I don't think that I can face it just yet. I feel like I am still suffering the after effects of the slow detatchment from my life that IF caused in me. I have always been pretty shy and not particularly confident in a group but I used to like going and catching up with my friends - I used to have fun! However, the IF journey over the past few years leached more and more of my confidence from me leaving me feeling unable to cope with group situations and barely able to cope with one on ones. The situation with my sister as well has caused me to reasses my view of myself. I used to think that I was fairly wise because I had seen and been through alot emotionally in my life and that I had some good advice to impart on others - I have to think that that's not particularly true anymore. I am a bit of a doubting Thomas about myself right at this time.

I don't suppose I will ever return to who I used to be - how can I, I have had to many ups and downs since that time, I mean it is hard to forget times when I have literally howled uncontrollably after a cycle disappointment - it feels like a scar on my heart. Even the joy of being pregnant has an undercurrent of caution. I've always considered myself a fairly brave person, if I found any fear within myself, I usually tried to find a way to face up to it, this part of me seems to have eeked away somewhat.

On the other hand, the IF journey has provided me with many positives in my life. I am more grateful for the blessings in my that I have in my life than I ever have been before - each day I think about how lucky I am, how very, very lucky. I think I am extremely resourceful and resiliant - I am not afraid to fight for what I want.

I am going to take it slow I think. I will enter the world of socialising again but I will take as much time as I need. Hopefully, what will happen eventually is that I will become a new person - one comprised of the best of the pre-IF me and the new me. Hopefully I will be able to face the world again being brave like I used to be. Hopefully, this strong, confident woman will pass on this strength and confidence to her child.

Happy ICLW everyone - thanks for all the wonderful comments!

Caution: Great Complaining Ahead (enter at own risk)

When I have seen other IF women get pregnant and then feel guilty for complaining about morning sickness or any of the other symptoms of pregnancy, I have always been quick to comment to give themselves a break and that if you feel like crap you feel like crap – so why can’t I give myself the same little buck up speech? I have been feeling very ordinary for the past week – the morning sickness is most definitely all day sickness and the only respite I seem to have is when I sleep – though lying on the couch also helps a bit too. I think I am going to have to have another weekend of couch surfing this weekend to keep it at bay.

I do feel guilty though for being a complainy pants when I have dreamed about being in this position for SOOO long and I try to keep seeing the positive sides – like that since I am feeling MS, I can assume that everything still seems to be going okay. But I am finding it a little hard to feel positive when I am feeling so yucky most of the time with the MS, almost constant low level cramps, I am having a lot of trouble sleeping and am absolutely exhausted.

On the positive side of things, I had lunch with my sister on Tuesday and it was wonderful to talk to her about all of my symptoms and for her to understand (she has 3 boys). She had very bad MS in all of her pregnancies where she threw up a few times a day every day for the first 4 months – poor thing, I am definitely not that bad!! I found it such a lovely day because I felt a bond with her that I hadn’t felt before because we had never shared this commonality before – it was fab. I am going to lunch with a pregnant friend tomorrow so that should also be good!

I am hoping that things will settle down when I can start to reduce the medications that I am taking and thankfully the reduction starts this weekend when I go from 3 a day of the oestrogen tablets to two a day and from twice a day oral progesterone to once a day – that will good! I will finish all medications (barring the blood thinner injections) at 12 weeks so only 4 weeks to go – yay!

Okay – best be off!! Sorry for all of the complaining!!!

Weekend wrap up and all day sickness...

Here is my weekend wrap up: I did nothing. Nada, zip, bupkis. I did go around to my besties place on Friday where we were allegedly doing work on our business but mainly had a day of chatting which was absolutely lovely - she has a really nice outdoor area and the weather was lovely - it was a good day!

On Saturday, JourneyDog and I had a day of bonding with the couch - we got very close! I watched Gone with the Wind and some mega trashy TV shows. I also slept alot. It was a good day. JourneyMan went on a long haul ride on a very windy coast road called The Great Ocean Road - a very big tourist destination in our State. He didn't get home until after 8:30pm and managed to get badly sunburned on his back where his jacket had ridden up and has been miserable ever since. Sunday was a day of a whole lot of lazy - very much like Saturday except we had JourneyMan as well!

Today, I made up for my lazy weekend by being a whirlwind of activity - I got mega amounts done which has made me feel better! Better about myself, I mean, I am still having all day sickness and today was quite bad - I thought I was going to have to dash out of a meeting and vomit - thankfully I didn't have to. It is funny what the IF journey does to you - I get some perverse pleasure when I feel the morning sickness, basically because it feels like a reassurance that JourneyBaby is still going along strong. The morning sickness has been quite bad over the past few days and today was the worst yet. Today I purchased some morning sickness supplements that were recommended in the packet of information that the OB sent through - I am hoping that they help out a bit.

Sorry for not posting the ultrasound pics - the camera is on the blink so I haven't been able to post them as yet - will do so as soon as possible. In other news, my friend who has 3 miscarriages let me know that she is 15 weeks pregnant today - I am SO happy for her, it has been a long road for her.

On my own front - the next couple of weeks are pretty quiet - just have to get my project up and running for go live. I am booked in to see my haemotologist on 2 February and then the OB on 3 February - that is also the week that the project goes live so it will be a big week.

I am exhausted - I am off to bed!

The heart of Journey Baby!

There are moments in my life that I have cherished, that I have felt unreservedly joyful and I am so thankful that today was one of those days. The scan went well, we saw and heard JourneyBaby's heart beating 140 BPM and he / she measured 7 weeks and 1 day which is perfect because I am 7 weeks today.

I was totally blown away by the whole experience. When we heard the heartbeat and saw it beating madly - JourneyMan and I looked at each other and both had tears in our eyes. When the sonographer left, we hugged and kissed - it was a beautiful moment - I will treasure it in my heart. I have not been able to wipe the smile off my face all day, I have looked at the picture at least a hundred times already.

It was a day that reminded me of when JourneyMan proposed. He had organised a picnic for us at my favourite gardens in Melbourne (the Fitzroy Gardens) and after we had lunch (he calls what he made salad rolls, I say that beetroot does not a salad make but I digress) - I was lying in the sun dozing and he pulled me to my feet, got down on one knee and he proposed. I was so happy, it is a memory I cherish.

I am so lucky. I am so grateful for meeting an marrying such a wonderful man. I am so grateful for seeing the heart beat of our JourneyBaby. I am grateful for the wonderful support and friendship of all the people that I have in my life - including all of you who have supported me on this blog - thank you from the bottom of my very full heart.

A flurry of activity...

After a couple of weeks of waiting, there was a flurry of activity today. Firstly, I called my Fertility Specialist to book in for an appointment to get a referral to an OB but couldn't get an appointment until 1st Feb but the receptionist (who is fabulous) gave me the names of 2 OB's who specialise in high risk pregnancies and happily, I got in to the one that is connected to the best hospital in Melbourne. It is very pricey (even with our whole shebang private healthcare) but I honestly think it's better to be safe than sorry. Apparently it is very hard to get in to OB's here in Melbourne because of a shortage - when I told the receptionist that I was 7 weeks tomorrow, she said 'hang up the phone and ring now!' which was all very dramatic - I am very thankful that I got in to this doctor.

They also suggested that I book in for the 12 week scan as well, so I have done that and I also have to go back to the GP to get the referral to the OB, so I am booked in for tomorrow morning before the 7 week scan. I am glad that I am going to the GP tomorrow because I am almost out of the Progynova and I still have a few weeks left of taking it so I will need to get that sorted out tomorrow.

We have the 7 week scan tomorrow and I am pretty nervous - I am really hoping that everything is all okay. It is hard not to worry about these things but I am trying to stay as relaxed as possible.

In other news, we finally had some blessed relief from the hot weather and the past few days have been very civilised. Work has been pretty good, really pushing towards the end of the project now which is good - everything is due to finish at the end of February but I have been lobbying for other projects and I am hoping that they can find me something that will tide me over until around the end of July.

That is pretty much it in my world at the moment, I am really hoping tomorrow will go okay!

Weekend O Crap

I had a pretty ordinary weekend. My younger sister had been barely talking to me for the past few months and she told me yesterday why. I am not going to go into the whole story but needless to say, I am a bit hurt. She had felt hurt by some comments that I had made a few months ago, which I don't believe that I said some of the things she said I did - I am pretty sure it was my older sister said some (though definitely some things she said were true) but I apologised anyway and hopefully that will be the last of it. Unfortunately, I don't feel like I can talk to her about being upset because I think it would drive us further apart rather than closer together. The worst of it as well was that my mum seemed to want to blame me as well - that really hurt. I was extremely upset yesterday and poor old Journeyman had to listen to it all - then my poor old bestie got an earful on the phone this morning - thanks you guys, what would I do without you wonderful supporters!!

My reaction is to avoid all contact for awhile and certainly I will this week. I feel like I have retreated back into myself and need to not see people for awhile - maybe it is the pregnancy that is making me more emotional than usual and certainly I would rather not say something horrible to someone because I am emotional. Normally I see my two sisters and mum every week (my mum more often) on Saturday when we go to the market - I am not sure if I will go next week, I honestly don't know if I can stand the hassle of it. The market was no fun yesterday anyway. It was ridiculously hot and I felt terrible and that was the icing on the cake really. I slept most of yesterday arvo and in an effort to escape the heat today, Journeyman and I went to see a movie. This arvo I have just been stewing and watching crap TV - pretty boring really.

I have a few comments to return so here goes:

Anonymous - sorry I haven't replied to your comment from the other day, I appreciated all that you have said - gosh, you sound like you have been through the IF wringer as well. Of course you can contact me on email, the addresss is donoreggsjourney at gmail.com - I look forward to hearing from you.

Chelle - yes, my goodness, it is so odd reading yours and the other northern hemisphere girls talking about how cold it is when we are sweltering here!

Lifeslurper - yes, I have turned into you!! I have always loved the hot weather(only up to 35 degrees though - anything above that is gross) but this year I am having all sorts of trouble, I am dreading our electric bill! I have to say that I am worried about bushfires too - tomorrow is going to be terrible and I am hoping, hoping, hoping that we are spared the horror of last year. For those of you that don't know, on Saturday 7 February 2009 - our state of Victoria suffered the worst bushfires in our history - 173 people died, 414 were injured and over a million acres burned. My sister in law's sister and her husband lost their house, though thankfully they were not there at the time and were not injured. It was horrible waking up in the morning and smelling smoke and hearing all of the terrible stories. I think we are all fearful at the moment with the weather being as it is at the moment.

So that is it for the weekend. I know that I should not be complaining about anything at the moment, I am SO thankful for all that I have but honestly, it is hard not to be upset about these things and I have been trying to put the stuff with my sister out of my mind all weekend but have unfortunately been unsuccessful.

On the positive side of things, the scan is on Friday so I am hoping, hoping, hoping that all will be good with that! I will also be able to book in to see my fertility specialist this week and hopefully I will get an appointment next week and get a referral to a good OB! So yes, in summary, a crap weekend but a lot to be thankful for - I must always remember that.

Swimming in a sea of bloat....

Okay, so there are way more important things to worry about in life than how much a person gains in pregnancy, right? Unfortunately, over the past few days, I have been freaking myself out with the fact that I have put 3 kilo's on in 3 days, which puts me at 6kg's up since I got back from Thailand. What the hell, right - how is that even possible? Well, I do retain water like a demon at times (I sometimes wonder if it has something to do with my poor old one kidney?) - especially at the time of my period - sometimes 3kg's. It has been really hot as well so that could have something to do with it. I have called my acupuncturist because she usually helps with the water retention but she is away for another couple of weeks - aaarrrgh!! So, for the moment I am going to have to take Journeyman's, my mother's and besties advice and calm down, relax and try to forget about it for the moment!

Today was a good day. For Christmas, I got a loan for JourneyMan to get the motorbike of his dreams and he picked it up today - the smile on his face when he came home with it was absolutely priceless. I have to say that I don't particularly like thinking of him riding on the bike but gosh, I know more than anyone what it's like to wait and wait and wait for your dreams to come true.

The other great thing that happened today was that my bestie came around for a brainstorming session about our business and we have a really solid plan in place - I am really excited for this year - so many great things happening!

Pregnancy wise, apart from the bloating, the cramps have subsided - yay! The morning sickness is still going and today my boobs have started to hurt with a vengeance. I am looking forward to the scan next Friday, hopefully all will well - I am a little bit worried, I guess it is natural to have some aprehension but I am trying to control it as much as possible (I am not very good at it).

In Melbourne we are battening down the hatches for the extreme hot weather - it is going to be above 35 degrees celsius / 95 degrees faranheit every day for the next four days and on Monday it is going to be 41 / 106 - holy cow, I am staying near the air conditioner! Tomorrow I am off to the market to get the good food for the week (lots of salads!) and then in the afternoon I think that JourneyMan and I will head to a movie to escape the heat. Sunday, I will do water aerobics in the morning, have a Skye business meeting with the bestie and basically hang by the air conditioner.

Hope you all have a fab weekend!

Back to work....

Well, the day had to come - today I went back to work and whilst I am dreaming of winning tattslotto and living in the lap of luxury for the rest of my life, it wasn't too bad. I do have to get this project done and it is good to have something to focus on to pass the time!

I booked in for my '6th week' scan today (except it is going to be on the 7th week!) and wasn't able to get in until the 15th Jan - waiting is not really one of my strong suits as you all know from my past crazies! I am feeling pretty good though I had my worst bout of lunchy sickness today - felt very ordinary but a little bit better after having lunch and then a bit of a lie down. My estimated due date is 3 September - how exciting!!

Mostly I have been feeling very positive about the pregnancy but I have started to worry over the past couple of days. I don't know where the worry has come from and it comes and goes but I am hoping that it is alleviated with the ultrasound on Friday week.

One stupid worry that I have is my weight. I mean, I know that I am going to put on weight on during the pregnancy and thankfully the lap band helped me to lose heaps of weight and I know that I will be able to lose the weight with it once the baby comes, however, one of the effects of the band is to take away hunger. This is excellent for me because I am one of those people that is an addictive eater so if I am hungry, I just eat and eat and eat and eat. So the worry for me is that once the band is loosened off, I am going to go crazy ape bonkers and put on ridiculous amounts of weight. I have asked Journeyman to help me so that we can be healthy throughout the pregnancy, hopefully it will be all good!

Journeyman and I had been considering buying a bigger house and keeping our two bedroom unit as an investment property but we have decided that it would be too stressful to do it this year, we will do it at a later date. So, this means that we are going to finally finish renovating the unit this year - whoo hoo, new kitchen, new decking outside and all of the niggling little jobs finished. It will be gorgeous when it's done!

Well, it is back to waiting again - keep me company?

Happy New Year!!

Happy New Year everyone - I hope that you had a wonderful New Year's Eve and rang in the New Year in a fun way! Happy 2010 everyone!

I like the fact of a brand new year starting as I think it is nice to wipe the slate clean and start everything anew! However, I don't like to go out on New Year's - in fact, I am not a hugely sociable person at the best of times - my favourite meal to eat out is breakfast!! JourneyMan and I had a very quiet night in watching an Entourage marathon (they party enough for us all!) and I was in bed by 10pm! The most exciting part of our night was when the hot weather broke and the storm hit - lots of thunder, lightening and crazy wind and rain! Since I gave up alcohol one of the things that I have loved is starting the year feeling great and this year was no exception, though it did take me a couple of hours before JourneyMan and I remembered it was a New Year and had a bit of a kiss!

I am absolutely relieved that the weather has broken, gosh it has been hot here for the days before New Year's Eve - nearly 37 degrees celcius yesterday (almost 100 F) so the house has been getting warmer and warmer. It was so hot that for the first time in my life I slept in the lounge room with the airconditioner on all night on Wednesday night. Thankfully today has been quite a bit cooler though the house hasn't completely cooled down yet. I generally have quite a low temperature so the hot weather does not usually bother me - in fact I love it. Though I am finding that I am feeling the heat quite a bit more because of the raise in my temperature. We managed to cool down the house enough last night though so I was able to sleep in the bedroom - yay! I am glad that JourneyMan brought me quite a few summer frocks in Thailand for me for Christmas, they are very comfortable and very cool!

It really is a brand new year with a clean slate - this is the year that we will meet our JourneyBaby - I can't get the smile off my face! So what else is to be done in this brand spanking new year? To be honest, I haven't even done my goals for the year yet!! I have been too busy smiling to myself and sleeping - I will have to have a brainstorm over the next few days.

Here is a list (yes, people, of course a list was not going to be far off!!) of the symptoms that I am feeling at the moment (this list will be saved to tell my long suffering fertility specialist, he really hates my lists - he likes to look at the list upside down and quickly address any questions!):

• 
  
  Tiredness - when on holidays, I used to stay up past midnight most nights, now I can barely make it to 10pm and that is after a Nanna nap in the arvo (that is afternoon for any non-Aussies!)


• 
  
  Cramps - still feeling very crampy off and on


• 
  
  Bloated - my stomach looks like I am already 5 months pregnant


• 
  
  Sleeping - I am sleeping a lot heavier these days - I don't even wake up when JourneyMan comes to bed!


• 
  
  Dizzy - I am getting alot of dizzy spells when I stand up from sitting down and then sometimes even when I am sitting down


• 
  
  Morning sickness - I feel a bit sick if I get too hungry, no big deal, I just eat something and feel better though I am a bit freaked about how much weight I will put on over the next 8 months! I actually didn't know it was morning sickness until I was talking to my older sister (she of the 'My 3 Sons) and she asked how I was feeling and I said that I felt a bit crappy that day, like I had a hangover, then she told me it was morning sickness - der Fred, can I be anymore clueless!!

All in all, I am feeling pretty good, none of the symptoms are stopping me from doing anything and I am very much trying to rest and take care of myself as much as possible. That being said, after a week of pretty healthy meals, we had Macca's for tea tonight - whoops!

At the request of my good friend and blogging yoda, Lifeslurper - here is a pic of the fabulous Phantay - the elephant protagonist of the previous blogpost:

Chelle - I haven't forgotten your request to post a photo of our new dining table - it's just that, we only actually got it on Christmas day (my Mum is a big stickler for giving Christmas presents only on Christmas day, bless her!) and I haven't put it together yet - yes, we have to put it together - it is from Ikea! Yes, I have to do it because JourneyMan has a strict 'I don't put furniture together' policy whereas I don't mind it, I kind of find it soothing and quite rewarding!

Goodness, it is nearly my bedtime - Happy New Year all - I hope all of your dreams come true this year!