Monday, January 21, 2013
Firstly, let me just tell you how grateful that I am to be pregnant. Every day, I thank God, my angels, my doctors and every other man and his dog for my family. I am hoping that this little man, Boo2 will come to us happy, healthy and our wonderful little family will be complete. Yes, I am very, very grateful.
But……I am HUGELY uncomfortable this pregnancy. I can’t remember it being as bad with JBB. I definitely weigh more so that is going to be more uncomfortable but I feel like I can barely function. Last time, I also didn’t have a 2 year old to chase around and pick up after. I am a bit flummoxed though at what has me so exhausted.
Yes, there is a lot going on with my sister’s hen’s day and wedding coming up. Yes, it is tough working and trying to keep a house running and yes chasing after a two year old has its moments but plenty of other women do this every day and are not almost confined to the couch with their house a disgraceful mess and barely a meal being put on the table.
It has been a tough pregnancy, starting with my Dad dying, extremely debilitating cramps and now the two vessel cord worry. Emotionally, this has been way tougher than the pregnancy with JBB but I wouldn’t have thought that I could barely get myself out of bed in the morning?
I think that the hardest thing is that I feel like I am a bad mother to JBB at the moment. I don’t have much energy to play with him. I can’t pick him up because he is so heavy. My emotions are all over the shop. One day last week, he leaned on my boob with his elbow so hard that I burst into tears. He got very upset and frightened but I couldn’t stop crying. Honestly, I felt terrible scaring him like that. Not long after, we were tucked up reading a story on the couch but I have felt awful ever since. This more than anything else convinces me that this is definitely our last cycle and child. I am not getting any younger and whilst I think that there are distinct advantages to being an older mother (a post on this will be coming soon) but being 41 and pregnant is not really that easy.
Thanks for reading. I really am grateful, just saying.