Back for round 2 (is anyone there?)

It’s been a long time since I have posted and too many things to catch up on in one post so I am going to focus on what is coming up.

Firstly, JBB and I are having a combined 1st and 40th birthday party this weekend at our local church hall from 3-8pm. There are around 50 adults and 23 children there, so it is going to be big and loads of fun. I can’t hardly believe that JBB is almost one year old, this year has gone so fast it’s unbelievable!!

Let’s talk about little JBB for awhile!! Well, he is just gorgeous and he is the absolute joy of my life. The poor thing was sick over the weekend (my birthday) and it has taken him awhile to recover, I am hoping he is going to be fit and well for the party.

He is jabbering away all of the time now, he can say ‘Mum’, ‘Dad’, ‘Nan’, Baby’, Bubba - but his favourite word at the moment is ‘Puppy’ – he loves saying Puppy and he loves JourneyDog who is Woolly, those two crack me up when they play together. He has not taken a step yet but he is on the absolute cusp – he can stand on his own and clap, he thinks he is it and a bit (and of course, he is!!) – he is in to everything around the house and when he crawls, he is sooooo fast!!

My birthday on the weekend was a bust because poor little JBB was sick and the party on Saturday is mainly for him – I hope that he is not too overwhelmed. My main goal on Saturday morning is to ensure that he gets heaps of sleep so he is raring to go at the party. A friend from work is a children’s party entertainer so she is doing face painting and balloon animals for the 23 kids that are coming along. I am making a cupcake cake in the shape of a ‘1’ for JBB – since the party is being catered, I really wanted to make something just for him. I did a test batch of the cupcakes last night and they tasted pretty good so it should be fun.

After that, I am ready to hunker down and be completely focussed on Thailand. As of today, there is only 55 days to go. I have been going to acupuncture, taking the chinese herbs, I listen to my subliminals each night, drinking fertility tea each day, I haven’t started the castor oil packs as yet, am going to do that tonight – it is all pretty much go but it has not been easy. With my Dad being sick, my Mum is run off her feet and can’t baby sit so I am having trouble with appointments with the little JBB in tow. I don’t feel as relaxed as last time, in fact, I am absolutely exhausted but I am hoping the 6 days in Thailand before the transfer will help to refresh me.

I feel quite alone in this cycle. Last time I felt like I had a lot of people really pulling for me but this time I feel it is our little family affair – everyone else has much stuff of their own on and I think a lot of people feel that since we already have JBB, it is not as big a deal. It feels like a big deal to me, in fact, in some ways it feels harder this time (in some ways it is easier too because we have had success before). I am extremely fearful of being dragged back into that black hole of cycle bfn. I am already preparing the barricades around myself.

I really hope that we will be successful. I really hope JBB will have a sibling. I really hope that after this, our cycle days will be over. I hope.