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Saturday, August 27, 2011

A week of shite...

This week has been the week from hell. I mean, I thought it would be because I had heaps of crap appointments mainly to get my horrible teeth fixed before what is hopefully a successful cycle and a pregnancy.

As a bit of a back story to this week, I have been afraid, so very afraid of a negative result. I feel like I'm holding on by a thread right now. I am absolutely exhausted and as normal with any cycle, the toll that it takes, psychologically, physically, financially and time wise is huge. I am trying to be positive. I am trying very hard not to think of the bad side of what could happen but sometimes it bubbles up within me and this week, it has happened on a number of occasions.

The week started with a visit to the endodontist to get the root canal continued on this was the one that acted up during the pregnancy with JBB and I finally got around to getting it fixed. I absolutely hate the dentist and I have already had a few root canals done and they were not pleasant. This one was no exception and of course it was horrible. The surprising part about it was that I was so tired that I started to fall asleep in it - how is that even possible, I was tensed up like you wouldn't believe - it goes to show you how tired I am, I guess.

The other thing of note that I did on Monday was drop my iPhone in the bath. I am honestly a cautionary tale around these bloody phones, 24 hours after I first got the iPhone, I drowned the thing in cola in my handbag and now this. I knew I would have to go to the Apple store to get it either fixed or replaced and that it was going to cost us money. I seem to be doing stupid things every day at this point.

On Tuesday, I was at the dentist - it was a continuation of the hour that I spent there on JBB's birthday the previous Friday. I had 5 fillings, can you believe it - 5, how is that even possible that I could need 5, seriously, it was really painful, my gums are absolutely shattered from all of the clamps, needles etc. The worse part of this was that it was during work and my friend, who I work with, was not feeling well and was looking at going home after I got back but it took so much longer than I thought and I was in the horrors that she could't leave because I was still gone. Finally I got back to work and thankfully she was feeling better but then I had to leave at my normal time because I had to go and get my phone fixed.

Wednesday, I had the lovely chance to take JBB to get his 1 year old immunisations and I also had to get the stitches removed from my leg as I had a cyst removed (thankfully it was just lymph and not melanoma which I was afraid of since that is what Dad's cancer originated as). JBB was very brave, especially since he had 3 injections, poor thing!! That night I had a bath with JBB and sat down to get him ready for bed and the wound where the stitches were ripped open. It was painful but the worst part was thinking that I would have to go to another bloody doctors appointment. JourneyMan took over putting JBB to bed and I called my Mum and she came around to have a look at it - she went up to the chemist and got some dressings to pull it together. Unfortunately, this small incident was enough for me to collapse into floods of tears. It wasn't really about the stitches, it was about the cycle, it was about being exhausted, it was about stress. Mum gave me a big hug and I got myself together a bit.

Thursday, I was back at the dentist for a cleaning, which was stinkingly painful because my gums were so sore from the previous work that I have had done. I also got the bill for the previous work I had done and I realized that altogether it would be costing us more than $3,000 and that is with the health care refunds - don't even get me started on my useless health insurance provider. My friend from work came with me to this appointment and poor her, she bore the brunt of another flood of tears. This money makes our cycle very difficult indeed to pay for - I am sooooo angry with myself for not realising the cost and putting us under even more pressure financially. How dumb can I be not looking in to this first but I really thought that I was doing the right thing. It took me awhile to get the tears back under control but finally did it but feel very stupid at the trouble I have caused us.

On Friday, the only appointment was with the maternal health nurse to see how JBB was tracking and people, her words were 'he is perfect' this we already knew but honestly, it was nice to hear. He is in the 95th percentile for height, he is going to be one tall dude I believe!! His weight is excellent and so is his development which is just lovely to hear. We all went to my Mum and Dad's for dinner and then I stayed to watch the footy with my Dad and JourneyMan took JBB home for bed.

That brings me to today. I have my acupuncture appointment on Saturday's and as I was pulling in to a car spot and scraped the car along another car. I left a note on the car with my phone number and everything and then had to continue on to my appointment and when my acupuncturist asked me how I am, well, of course, the floods of tears came again. Honestly, I am a mess.

I am hoping that I can get myself together, I really need to be in a better frame of mind before the trip and cycle. This week is a little less daunting and thankfully the dental work will be finished on Monday with a final trip to the dentist for another filling and the endodontist to complete the root canal. Hopefully I can then start to relax - yeah right.

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