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Friday, August 19, 2011

JBB is One Year Old - an amazing year!!

I was up at 4am this morning, cos that is when JBB woke up. I was up at 4am on this day last year too but that was because I was so excited to meet JBB. It has been an amazing year because of one amazing little guy.

Let's talk about how amazing he is - well firstly, he was the only embryo to survive out of 8 embryos (and 18 eggs collected!!). He got to full term in my half size (or a little bigger my fertility specialist says) unicornuate uterus!! He was healthy when he was born and despite losing a little weight in the hospital he has absolutely thrived. Many people have asked if he is two, he is so tall (like his Dad).

We have had the best fun today. He woke his Dad up at 6am, saying (very loudly) Dadda!! He had a ball in pressie corner - we gave him a plastic hammer and nail set and P.S. - we get the prize for most ill advised first birthday present for a boy, ever!! He got the hang of the hammer straight away and has been hammering the hell out of all of his toys all day!! We also got him some bubble stuff (he thinks that they are fabulous), some punching balloons and pool toy to take to Thailand.

After some lovely play time, he went for a big sleep and then I had to go to the dentist (boooo, I hate the dentist and more on that tomorrow) so JourneyMan's mum came over to babysit him, she was so happy to see him on his birthday. When I got home, I had a coffee (decaffinated of course!!) with JBB's Nanna and then we went around to see my Mum and Dad where he had another pressie corner. My Mum told me that she had a message from her Mum that day. She had been looking through some of Nanna's old holiday books (which she had looked through many times before) and all of a sudden some folded up money fell out of the books - it had been in there since Nanna had had them. So Mum gave the money to JBB for his birthday, she was sure that was Nanna's message to her. We cried when my Mum told me about it - we both miss her so much, especially at this time of year because my birthday is on the 6th of August and both my Mum and Nanna's are on the 7th of August. I have been talking to her lately (when I am in the bathroom, there are some coloured bottles of hers that I talk to - crazy, me?!?!? No!!!), asking for her help for us to be successful in Thailand. I have also been talking my Dad's Mum (my Auntie gave me a big, white bear from her for JBB), she loves little girls, so I have been asking for her help for JBB to have a little sister (not that I care too much because I just want a healthy baby).

Anyway, back to JBB's birthday. He had a little afternoon sleep and since then we have been playing with his balloons, making bubbles and playing peek-a-boo!! I am looking forward to JourneyMan getting home from work so we can have a lovely family dinner and singing happy birthday to the birthday boy (for about the 30th time today!!).

All day, I haven't been able to stop thinking about this day 12 months ago. The fear and excitement of getting to the hospital and having the ceasarean. I can't help but remember the pain of the spinal block, I started crying because it hurt and then couldn't stop crying - I think because of the built up emotion of the past 9 months and really the 3 years before that. I don't think in the pregnancy, I ever really let go of the fear that something would happen. Once I started crying, I couldn't stop and when they let JourneyMan back in and he asked how I was, I started crying harder. Only minutes later I heard JBB cry for the first time (like a little squeaky toy) and the absolute relief and utter joy that hit me caused more floods of tears. His little face as they cleaned the goop off him right in front of me is imprinted in my brain for ever.

After that, I went to recovery and JourneyMan went with JBB - he has shown me the video's since and we watched it again the other night - I can't believe how small he was, I can't believe how much he has grown. I can't believe the miracle of changes, development and learning that happen in front of my eyes every day. On that day though, I saw JBB again wrapped and in the arms of JourneyMan, it was a beautiful sight!! The rest of the day past by in a blur of first breastfeeding and many, many visitors. The feeling of joy and contentment that I felt that day have not gone away.

This message is especially for JBB:

You have changed my life completely. You're smiles make my days happy, your laugh makes my heart overflow with joy, your cries make me want to wrap you up and comfort you forever. The giggles that you have when you falling asleep make me giggle uncontrollably (and also not want to put you to bed!). When you said 'Mummy' for the first time (and every subsequent time!), my heart melted. When you give me kisses, I want to hug you and never let you go! You are so smart, you have learnt so much in such a short time, you are curious about everything and the way that you love other people shows how big a heart you have. You were worth waiting for, my darling, I love every minute we get to be together. Happy Birthday and my this be the first of many, many, many more!!

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