Sunday, April 17, 2011
Massive amounts of information....
Thank you to all of you for your very kind comments and best wishes, I really appreciate it.
My Dad definitely has lung cancer though we don't know what the treatment is going to be. I am worried about my Mum, she is taking it very hard (understandable) and is having trouble keeping myself, my two sisters and brother up to date on what's going on. I have told her that I will do the communicating for her so that she only has to remember to speak to me and I will keep the others informed. We have had a small piece of good news and that is that it is not anywhere else in his body. This week, he goes in to see the oncologist on Wednesday morning and on Wednesday arvo he is being operated on for a hernia (he is having a bad run). We will know more then. It is in my mind every moment of every day. I was talking to him on the phone today and he didn't sound great.
I'm having trouble sleeping because of the information going around in my head. I hope that he is not in pain, it is my overriding thought. The most painful thought is that my darling, sweet boy will most likely not remember him. This is always followed by the fact that Dad is so different from the man we grew up with that JourneyMan didn't even know that guy. It has been hard over the past few years because as pieces of Dad were taken away by the hydrocephallus, it became harder and harder to grieve. Sometimes, I would catch a glimpse of my old Dad and I started to think that it was harder to see that because I would grieve all over again. Now, everyday I wish for another one, or ten, or a hundred or a thousand.
There was a lovely moment on Friday. I was out to lunch with Mum, Dad, my Auntie and of course JBB. Dad was playing with JBB and put his finger in his mouth and said 'he has a tooth' - I said 'oh really' and felt for myself and sure enough, his little tooth had finally broken through (we had a very bad bout of diarrhea and nappy rash last week). Dad was absolutely stoked that he was the one to find it - I loved it too!! My Auntie took the most beautiful photo of Dad holding JBB, I have looked at it many times over the weekend.
In other news, we have booked in for our next cycle with the same donor that we used for JBB. We leave for Thailand on the 4th of October (I have added a countdown to the blog!!). I told Dad about it the other day, he was really excited for us and kept on saying to JBB - 'you might be getting a new brother or sister soon!', it was lovely. I have had a talk to JourneyMan and Mum about the trip to Thailand and we have all agreed that we have to go ahead with it - the opportunity to use the same donor is only available to us this year and so we really feel that we must take this opportunity while it is offered to us. We are booked in with the clinic and we have also booked our flights. I feel a bit weird about booking our trip and doing all of the research about it when I have Dad to worry about but by the same token, it is a distraction. I know 100% that Dad wants us to do this anyway.
I finally had the mammogram last Wednesday but won't get the results unitl Tuesday. I am hoping it will all be okay. The ultrasound woman seemed to think that it was just a fatty cyst so I am choosing to believe that that is what it is - especially since I get a few of those.
We are also preparing this week to go away for Easter. We are going to country Victoria to watch the Stawell Gift which is Australia's most famous (and I believe richest) foot race. The carnival runs over the whole of the Easter weekend and it is a really nice time. I have started writing a list of massive amounts of stuff that we will have to take with us, I am really looking forward to getting away for a few days.
The final news is about JBB. Gosh this little tyke is growing up quick, he keeps growing out of all of his clothes and this week has been a huge week of progress. He has taken a few crawling steps, he has started standing holding on to things, he got a tooth and he is, as always, the light of our lives. I took him to see JourneyMan play footy (Australian Rules Football) at our local club today and we had a great time!!
Well it is time for me to sign off. I haven't had a chance to catch up on everyone's blogs, I hope you are all going well.