Further delays...

There is a lot going on here, mainly with my Dad and I am working on a post about that but for the moment, I don't have the heart for it.

So, what is happening here? Quite a lot really but most of it is in my mind. I have been doing all sorts of thinking and soul searching in the wake of these two latest failures and the main realization being that I really don't think that was ready for another baby at those times, my body is a mess, our finances are a mess and the reasons that I wanted the cycled worked, were, quite frankly fu€ked (excuse my language). Basically, I just wanted to get it all 'over with'. This is a far cry from creating space in our lives to welcome a new life to love.

We hadn't created space in our lives, our hearts or even our house. I'm not blaming our failure on this but it's been an eye opener to realize the attitudes that I took into the cycles. This has made me understand that I need more time, so we are moving the cycle to the last week in August, making this decision has immediately taken the pressure off, which is great.

I have finally realized that the end does not justify the means. I need to take care of myself and be as fit, healthy and ready as possible for my own sake as well as that of JBB and the future JBBS. I hope you don't mind but I'm going to use the blog to explore my inner landscape over the next few months.

Thanks for hanging in, those that are still reading!