Thursday, August 5, 2010
12 months of blogging!
I have realised (belatedly) that I have now been blogging for more than 12 months - wow, that has gone really quickly!! I thought that in honour of my 12 months of blogging, I would do a bit of a review of the last 12 months because, well - so much has happened!!
This time 12 months ago:
We had just had our 5th IVF cycle cancelled due to no response. I was devastated as I had lost almost 50kg's in the preceding 12 months through lap band surgery and thought that the weight loss would make some kind of difference. Unfortunately it didn't.
One day after I had cried my heart out, I reviewed the 5 cycles that we had had and I realised that I had to face facts. I had only achieved 3 embryo's and had in total 9 eggs retrieved from the 5 cycles that it was doubtful that I would achieve a pregnancy with my own eggs. This realisation triggered off a bout of grief for my own biological child. It took me awhile to come to terms with this fact but I already had a new plan in mind.
I had researched donor egg cycles in Thailand (and other locations around the world) earlier in the year but had not talked to JourneyMan about the option. I just couldn't face the wait of 2-3 years on the donor waiting lists in Australia or did not like the thought of asking friends and family to be donors. I aprehensively brought up the plan to JourneyMan and found him completely supportive. We were a go for launch!!
Emotionally, I was a wreck - I felt like I was in a glass bubble, I couldn't relate to people anymore. I hardly saw my friends and my family had let me down with flippant responses to my pain. Through all of my emotional turmoil though, I had JourneyMan, JourneyDog and my bestie who saved me - they were my soft place to fall and even if they couldn't understand what I was going through, they supported me without fail. They saved me and I am forever grateful.
I decided to document the momental cycle of going to Thailand to utilise donor eggs because when I was researching, I tried to find a blog to read of someone who did it - I felt sure that there would be someone but there wasn't so I decided to create it myself. I was amazed by the catharsis the blog brought me and even more amazed by the friends that I have made - it has been wonderful.
The plan felt like such a gamble as I was only able to transfer one embryo (due to the shape of my uterus) but I thought that I would try absolutely everything I could to make the cycle successful.I drank fertility tea daily, I did castor oil packs every second day, I had acupuncture every week, I detoxed my body as much as I could, I took handfuls of vitamins daily, I listened to a fertility cd every night, all night, I exercised sensibly, I even avoided peas because I had read that they were a natural contraceptive!! In short, I was obsessed with making this cycle successful.
Our house was a debacle because we didn't dare spend any money on renovating because our money was all going to our cycles and trip to Thailand. It was a horrible place to live and JourneyMan got very sick of me whinging 'I hate this place!!!'.
Fast forward to Christmas day and we got the best most wished for present of all, a positive pregnancy test - it was a wonderful, wonderful day. Now with only 2 weeks to go until I am holding my JourneyBabyBoy in my arms our lives have changed exponetially.
We are preparing ourselves to be parents, 12 months ago, I couldn't even hope that this day would happen - I dared not let myself think of what it would be like. For the record, it is wonderful, scary, exciting and daunting!!
I have started to come back to myself. I thought that this would happen immediately but the transition back into the world was not as easy as I thought it was going to be. This week I had 8 girlfriends around with their children for lunch - it was lovely and I enjoyed myself in a group again, I feel a little bit normal!!
The house has been renovated, new kitchen, new floors, central heating, painted all throughout and of course, we now have a nursery fully ready and available for our darling boy to come home to. I LOVE our house now - it is wonderful to wake up in the morning to see how beautiful it is.
I have always felt blessed to have found JourneyMan, I am SOOO happy to be able to make him a dad and despite the fact that when we met he was not fussed about whether he had children or not, I know that he will make a wonderful father. I am lucky enough to have a wonderful family (despite them annoying the heck out of me occassionally) and brilliant friends (especially my bestie) and let's not forget my wonderful JourneyDog who is precious to me. The past 12 months have been kind to me and I am so very grateful for all of the blessings that I had over this time - I am very, very lucky.
I want to say thank you to all of you who read my blatherings and would especially like to say thanks to all of you who have offered your support through comments throughout the past 12 months, it has been absolutely invaluable to me!!
To those of you who are amidst your journey and are still waiting for your BFP, don't give up, your life can turn around in an instant and I hope it does!