JBB is one month old today!

Wow, what a month it's been - it has been the best month of my life!! Our gorgeous little popsicle is really running our lives and it is absolutely wonderful!!

We had a great day today - we had a family walk this morning. It was great to have time to catch up and chat with JourneyMan, it has been completely hectic and most of the time we are feeding, settling, changing or playing with the little one or else we are sleeping. We then went out for lunch and in the afternoon worked on JBB's baby book. It has been a wonderful and challenging month.

One month ago today, they showed me little JBB - the image of him covered in the amniotic fluid is etched in my mind and will be forever. I can't even explain the feeling that I had at that moment. It was definitley overwhelming relief and joy but there was also a surreal and shocked feeling as well.

I cannot believe that work that it takes to take care of this little bundle. I have had some frustrated moments but at those times I think of the times that I dreamed of being in this position. I definitely think that the IF journey has made me appreciate this wonderful journey more - especially as it can be quite challenging.

Breastfeeding has been a challenge. There has been a number of times when JBB has been screaming because I haven't got enough milk so I have to give him formula. At those times, I can't help but feel like a bit of a failure even though I said to myself that if I couldn't breastfeed, I wouldn't beat myself up. I just want to give JBB the best in life. I am going to keep trying to breastfeed as much as possible and try to get more of a supply going so that he will not go hungry.

I have another maternal health nurse appointment tomorrow. I can definitely see that he has grown and put on weight over the past 2 weeks so I think it will be good tomorrow.

Goodbye Powderfinger!

If you will allow me a small diversion from the main subject of this blog - I have to say goodbye to my favourite band, Powderfinger. They are an Aussie band who I have loved for many years and seen in concert numerous times - their music has also been the soundtrack to many of the moments in my life. They are on their final tour of Australia and will break up following the tour - booooo.

My bestie, my younger sister and I went to one of their farewell concerts last Saturday - it was a fabulously fun night, though I have to admit to not looking forward to it that much cos I was SOOOOO tired. My bestie got the tickets for us months and months ago - we knew it would only be 3 weeks after the ceasar but we just had to say goodbye to them. We were all pretty misery guts turning up to the concert - all of us were tired and couldn't really be bothered but I tell you as soon as the band came on, we were pumped - it was a fantastic concert!!

Some Powderfinger songs that evoke memories for me:

* My bestie and I went to an information night on trekking to Mt Everest base camp in Nepal - they played the song Passenger to a slideshow of pics of Everest:

If you want to be a passenger

Climb aboard with me, we're leaving now

Step outside and see, another world

Only if you want to be a passenger

* When we were in Nepal, we had a very tough hiking day out of a little place called Namche Bazaar - my bestie and I realised on this day just how tough our little 'holiday' was going to be. I was listening to my portable cd player at the time - MP3's not being invented yet!! This song (Already Gone) always reminds me of that momumental day:

You've been working all your life

All weekends and overtime

All these things just pass you by

You can relate, to the leisured life

* I was single for a long time and at times despaired of meeting a man to love and who would love me - the song 'These Days' always went through my head over and over at these times.

This life well it's slipping right through my hands

These days turned out nothing like I had planned

* I trained walking for hours and hours for the 100km in 48 hour charity walk and the song Thrillology always reminds me of this time (especially of getting up at 4am and walking 25km to work - the thought of it now, my goodness!!) - Completing that walk is still one of my proudest achievements.

I'm feeling richer, I'm feeling taller

I feel like every time I try to fit the picture

I've got to keep up, with all the others

Looking for whatever we were never to discover

* When I met JourneyMan and we started dating, Bless my Soul was the song that kept on running through my head

Colour me with red and gold

Your sweet love has blessed my soul

* When JourneyMan and I got married, our first dance was to the Bernard Fanning (lead singer of Powderfinger) song Watch Over Me

When trouble fills my world, you bring me peace

You calm me down, your my release

When walls come crashing down around my feet

You light my way, your my release

* When amidst the trauma of IF - the song 'Nobody Sees' was the soundtrack in my head

Nobody knows just how it feels today

Nobody sees how our hearts break

Saturday night was absolutely wonderful but my favourite concert of all time was one that my bestie and I went to years ago - she surprised me with tickets for my birthday and honestly, one of the best presents of all time (my best present is JBB who I consider as my birthday present this year!!).

Thanks for the memories, Powderfinger!!

The Physical Impact of Motherhood.

I felt like I was pretty prepared to be a mother. I thought that I had read heaps of books and had talked to as many mothers as I knew to get a picture of what motherhood was about. One thing that I didn't understand was the physical impact of motherhood.

Over the past 10 years, I have been pretty fit and I have set and achieved many physical challenges over this time. I have competed in 5K, 10K runs and even a half marathon. I even hiked up to Everest base camp in Nepal with my bestie. However, the biggest physical challenge that I ever participated in was a 100km (62 miles) walk over 48 hours. It was a walk for charity and I competed in a team with my sister in law and a couple of her friends. We trained for it for 6 months and it was absolutely full on.

The 100km culminated in the last 10km climbing up a mountain (not that we have very big mountains in Australia but it was a mountain nonetheless). As long as you walked through each check point - you could leave the course and have a rest at any time, which we did on the first night. We had walked for 14 hours that day and went to my brother's place (which was close to the course) and 'slept' - I use inverted comma's here because basically all I did was lie there for a couple of hours feeling my whole body throbbing.

So, why am I telling you this story? The other night, I got up to feed JBB at around 3am - generally he is feeding a couple of times during the night so I am not really having more than around 2 hours of sleep in a row at any one time (JourneyMan was feeding him expressed milk for one of the night feeds for a while so that I could get a bit more sleep but the maternal health nurse put the kaibosh on that saying that I would reduce my breast milk if I continued to do this regularly). Once I had fed JBB, I went back to bed at about 4am and tried to go back to sleep. As I lay in bed, I realised that my body felt like that night that I was in the middle of the charity walk - the whole thing was throbbing.

It is quite amazing the toll that this motherhood caper can take on your body. That being said though, I look at JBB's peaceful sleeping face and the tiredness and throbbing, exhausted body is forgotten.

It also hasn't helped that I was completely inactive throughout the pregnancy - I am going to have to start getting (slowly) back into shape. I am hoping that the weather is nice on Monday - I am going to venture out for a walk with JBB, just a small one, to see how I go!

Barely time to scratch myself + a quick view of JBB (be quick - it won't last!!)

Hi All,

I am sorry that I haven't been commenting - I have got a lot of catching up on blogs to do but I have barely had time to scratch myself just recently. Yesterday I had to ask my Mum to come around for an hour or so, so that I could have a shower!! Our little bundle of joy has been running me ragged. I have had a bit of trouble breastfeeding and today I attended a full day workshop at the hospital with a lactation consultant and now have a bit more confidence back. I lost my confidence when JBB lost weight - I will still be nervous until he gets weighed again next Monday but for the moment, I am going to try to trust that all is okay.

It is very intense, this parenting game. Intense but wonderful. It has been pretty hard with JourneyMan going back to work so quickly and trying to recover from the ceasarean. Much of the time I feel alone and that I need to cope on my own, that part is quite tough - though JourneyMan has been really good with helping out with a feed over night, I really need his help around the house a bit more. That being said - my time with JBB is absolutely wonderful and I wouldn't trade it for the world - I was watching when he learned to blurt, I have learnt how to calm him, I saw when he first smiled, he has fallen asleep on my chest. I am providing him love, comfort and nutrition - honestly, I am the luckiest person in the world.

One thing I will tell you that has moved me greatly when we were in the hospital. JourneyMan and I were marvelling over this perfect little boy who has come in to our lives and JourneyMan said to me 'thank you for all of the work that you did to find out about Thailand, if you hadn't of done all of that research and work, we wouldn't have JBB'. This brought tears to my eyes - it was absolutely wonderful to know that JourneyMan appreciated that I hadn't given up, that I had researched, planned and actioned our Thailand plan - it meant the world to me to hear those words.

Here is a little pic of our JBB - check it out because I don't think that I will keep it up on the blog for long!!