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Tuesday, January 11, 2011

A decision to make....

So, I heard from our Thailand clinic last week - they just wanted some details for their stats of JBB's birth weight, birth type etc. When I answered them, I asked them if the donor that we used for JBB would be available this year for another go. Journeyman and I have been talking about it and we would like JBB to have a full sibling - not that it matters but I would really like for him (and JBBS) feel that there is someone else in the world in the exact same situation as he is - is that crazy?

I got an answer back today and she is only available in September and we will have to let the clinic (and her) know whether we want to go ahead in September by then end of this month. It has sent me into a bit of a tailspin, we were still discussing what we wanted to do this year. There is a lot to think about - we need to get the money together, we need to make sure that we are ready, we need to get ourselves healthy and in shape and I need to start up all of my fertility extras. Cripes - I really didn't want to have to make this decision so soon.

The other side of it, of course, is that we could always use another donor. It is also scary to me using this donor again considering JBB was the only embryo that was a survivor and the 'what if we don't even get one?' next time. It was fine this time because we had JBB and he is wonderful and gorgeous but I can't help but think, what if next time the little mite doesn't stick and we have to try again - it would be good to have some embryo's on ice so that we didn't have to go through the whole process again.

I am not sure what to do. On one hand, I really believe that if you set a goal, you will achieve it (ie. you will find the money, get the time off, get healthy, lose the weight) but on the other hand, do we want to put ourselves under such pressure?

We have a lot of thinking and discussing ahead of us.


  1. I hate all of the unknowns. I wish we knew up front exactly what choices we needed to make and the outcomes they would have. The hardest part of infertility is rolling the dice. Do you take the chance? Do you put all of your money on one number? I hate that sometimes it all comes down to what your gut tells you and then its all prayers from there that you made the right choice.

    I have a fortune that hangs above my desk at work. It is laminated on a piece of paper with Jemima Paddle Duck on it, and the fortune says, "Trust your intuition." There are days where I need to see that. There are also days where I want to yank the quote down, spit on it, dance on it, and then light it on fire. But in the end, all we can do is trust our intuition.

    I believe that the decision you make in the end will be the right one. (Partly because if you had chosen otherwise that would have been the right one. lol) I always tell people that I am exactly who I am supposed to be because if I wasn't, I wouldn't be who I am; therefore, I am 100% perfect. We have to believe the same of our decisions.

    I hope and pray that no matter what you decide, it results in another happy, healthy baby with as little heartbreak and stress as is possible under the circumstances.

    I wanted to tell you, thank you so much for your sweet comment. I think if I had to choose my top 5 favorite comments of all time, that would be in the #1 slot. It nearly brought me to tears, and I read it about 5 times. Then I forwarded it to my husband and said, "This is why I blog." Thank you.

    Sending you so much love.

  2. Yikes - that is an unexpected stress! Wishing you and JourneyMan lots of luck in figuring everything out.

    I think you shouldn't put too much emphasis on the full sybling thing. I totally understand why you would want that for JBB and JBBS but there are so many variables involved and ultimately, they will feel like full syblings because they will be raised together with the same parents. I have 2 sisters and 1 brother, all are "half" syblings. I was raised with my 2 sisters and I don't usually think about the fact that we don't have both the same biological parents. They are my sisters forever and I love them the same no matter what sperm made them :)

    If you decide you'll be ready by Sept I say go for it! If you are hesitant and the only reason to push yourselves (and cause yourselves more stress) is because it's the same donor, I say hold off.

  3. Just found your great blog. We are thinking about doing egg donor and IVF and wanted to ask you a few questions. There is no place to email you though on your blog =(

  4. Hi Mozz, you can reach me at - I'm happy to answer any questions! JourneyGirl