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Saturday, January 15, 2011

Physically Sickened.

There was a story in the paper in my town last week that I just cannot comprehend. You can find the link to the story here. It is about a couple who terminated an IVF pregnancy of twin boys because they want a girl. Their reason is that they have 3 boys (conceived naturally) and they had lost a daughter soon after she was born. In Australia, you cannot choose the sex of your child unless for medical reasons (ie. a friend of our family went through IVF to have another girl because they already had a son who is a haemophiliac) but not for choice reasons only. They are petitioning authorities to be able to have a girl through IVF on the grounds that they want one to assuage their grief from losing their daughter.

Honestly, I just can't even take this story in. I don't feel that I am in a moral position to judge this couple because of the lengths that we have gone to have our family but I cannot, cannot, cannot comprehend anyone terminating two baby boys because of their sex. Honestly - I can't even think about the morality of the rest of the story - I just can't think past those two baby boys. Surprisingly enough, I have always been pro-choice but for me (even before I knew that I had any problems) I knew I would never be able to terminate a pregnancy, even if it was accidental. On the other hand, I also cannot comprehend the pain that these people have felt at losing a daughter that they so wanted. I can't help but question the IVF process that we have here where the emphasis is on police checks but the counselling (that is mandatory for every couple / patient) is a crappy tickbox 'I understand' that is basically classic arse covering by the clinic. Could a proper counselling session have uncovered the desperate lengths that this couple would go to to have a girl? What of the termination process - were there other options discussed such as adoption? Baby adoption is extremely low in this country - I am sure that many couples would be clamouring to adopt these boys.

JourneyMan and I discussed whether we would choose the sex of the baby for the next cycle of IVF (in Thailand you can choose) and at first both of us were for it (me because I would love to have a daughter and JourneyMan because he knows that I would be tempted to try for a third child if we have two boys). It is also no secret that I wanted a girl when we tried for JBB but I can tell you with my absolute whole heart, JBB is the miracle of my life, if I don't have another baby, he is enough. He is loved by every fibre of my being and I do not for one minute wish that we had a girl. If we ended up being blessed by two sons, I will be ecstatic.

My heart aches for those twin boys, they deserved better.


  1. I read this story last week and it still makes my heart hurt. So very sad!

  2. I can't believe that story, who could do that? :-( so very sad. The boys definitely deserved better.

    How can the couple live with their actions?

  3. I heard about that story from another blogger. I always have to separate myself from those stories because they get me too worked up. I have to shut my brain off and hum to ignore them.

    I would never in a million years terminate a pregnancy either, unless it was under life-threatening circumstances, and even then, I can't promise I would.

    I am just grateful for any children God gives me: boys or girls.

  4. Arghh!

    Like all media reports of animal cruelty, I found myself not being able to read too much on this one.

    The thing that annoys me most - apart from all the very obvious revolting parts to this story - is that it *has* to involve ART/IVF and once again IVF becomes the evil force hanging over the all ART parents are likely to consider similar things...

    Seems there is nothing good in this story....

    LS x