Overwhelmed....

I have been a bad, bad blogger. Time seems to be slipping away without me even knowing it and the crazy part of it is, I have badly needed to blog to get some of the emotional turmoil from me but just haven't had a chance to sit down and do it.

Firstly, let me just update you on where everything is at with the various areas of our lives.

JourneyBabyBoy - is going very, very well. He is growing gangbusters though I only know from the feel of him because the weekly scans are over and done. Last Friday felt a bit weird cos I didn't have to get up and go to see my little man. He is moving around quite alot and I have heard of some pregnant ladies complaining that their little one keeps them up at night with movement, I love each and every move as it provides me with assurance that he is all well and good. That being said, it is getting harder and harder to sleep so I do understand where these mums-to-be are coming from but for me, if I have to be woken at night, that is a reason that I am happy with (an example of a reason why I have trouble sleeping at night is that JM and I watched Paranormal on pay TV the other week and I woke up in fear a few times the night after - der, I mean how dumb can I be?!?!). Anyway, the upshot is that JBB is going well and my stomach seems to be doubling in size on a weekly basis which is great!! I have an appointment with the OB on Monday (I am on appointments every 3 weeks at the moment) and so I am hoping to continue on in the good books! Oh and I forgot - my second gestational diabetes test came up negative - whoo hooo!

At home the renovations continue apace and the laundry is done (waiting for it to dry and the kitchen is almost done, we just have the painting and floors left to go and I am hoping that the much longed for dishwasher is installed by the time I get home tonight. We have the electrician coming tomorrow to finish off the electrical work and over the weekend we need to move all of the house into the kitchen, bathroom, garage and laundry so that we can get the floorboards polished and we are going to be living with my Mum and Dad for at least a week. I am not really looking forward to this because I just have had a run in with my Dad today because of his agressive shouting at my Mum, he was being extremely bullying and blaming her for his situation and even though I know that the sickness contributes to this, I cannot have him bullying my Mum in my presence - it's not on. After they left for awhile, I was so shaken that I cried for awhile. Anyway, moving in with them for a week is not going to be really fun - I am pretty much dreading it but we don't have anywhere else to go.

So, onto my emotions - as you can see from the above - the rollercoaster continues. I am finding everything extremely overwhelming at the moment and am finding that the smallest thing will cause me to overreact hugely. The main way that I deal with emotionality is to remove myself from people as I am extremely afraid of yelling at the them, saying something that I regret, reacting to something that they said or crying in front of them. It makes me very happy that I have a flexible work environment and can work from home alot of the time so that I can avoid being in situations where I will get emotional around people. The trouble is that for the past few weeks I have had people in the house pretty much the whole time so I have not had an escape and things have happened - especially today. I had the run in with my Dad but also had a run in with one of my bosses - I apologised for it but am very unimpressed with my behaviour. I feel like I am drowning in emotions!

The other reason that I am feeling overwhelmed is that JM and I went to a Post Natal, Early Childhood class on Monday night and honestly, they must have packed 8 hours worth of information into the 3 1/2 hour class - my head was absolutely spinning. This class really brought out the fear in me - What if I can't cope? What if I have waiting all this time and gone through all of these things and am a terrible mother? What if I wreck this little JBB's life? Honestly, I guess it is not just about being overwhelmed and hormones but it is just straight out and out fear. Hopefully I will get myself together soon.

I will try to update again in the next couple days but with having to pack and move practically the whole house, I think it will be after the OB's appointment on Monday. I will also endeavour to catch up on where you are all at - I haven't had a chance to read any blogs - hope you are all going well!!

Lots of information...

It has been a tough, tough week. I don't think I have ever been so exhausted in all of my life. Let's start with the work front:

JourneyMan has started his new job and is going well, sounds like he is enjoying it though of course there is a steep learning curve in those first few weeks! My work is going okay though I only have around 5-6 weeks left and I have absolutely stacks to do!

On the home front, the renovations are in full swing. We had all of the new appliances delivered on Tuesday (except for the long awaited dishwasher which is on back order - doh!). On Wednesday we had the plumber and electrician come by to do the rough in for the kitchen and on Thursday, the installer put in all of the cabinetry. My goodness, I am blown away by how fantastic it is - we have gone from tiny 1970 kitchen to huge, functional 2010 kitchen - fabulous!! Friday, the electrician came back to put in all of the new powerpoints and a saftey switch (very important!) but he still has a couple of days work still to do. We still need to tile the splash back, paint, get the gas cooktop and dishwasher connected by the plumber and put in the new floating floorboards so this week will be more of people coming and going in the house all week.

I am finding that very difficult as I wasn't able to have an afternoon sleep any day except Friday last week which made me get tireder and tireder as the week wore on. This brings me to my next update.

Pregnancy update. I had my 28 week visit with the OB and everything went swimmingly - JourneyBaby is growing nicely, the cervix is behaving well and we are booked in for the ceaserean on the 19th August - yay!! This is also my older sisters birthday and she is chuffed to be sharing her birthday with her new nephew!! On the same day, I had the glucose tolerance test to see if I am at risk of gestational diabetes and I got the result on Thurday - unfortunately, yes I am at risk. This meant that I had to have another test, a fasting one that would take my glucose levels over 2 hours which I did on Friday. I don't have the result of that test as yet. I am really hoping that I don't have GD as I am worried about my one kidney and hoping that it won't damage it. I feel a bit put upon testing high in the glucose because my glucose levels have always been good before so it was one thing that I wasn't particularly worried about and considering the high risk nature of this pregnancy and all of the additional monitoring, tests and additional drugs and injections I have had to have, I was really hoping to be spared this. I will most likely find out tomorrow.

I also caught JourneyMan's cold during the week so this didn't help matters. I am absolutely exhausted but there is a very real positive side to everything. If I have to go on a special diet for the GD, it will be healthier for JBB. The more the people are coming in and out of the house, the sooner the house will be ready and done! I am hoping that this week will be a better week - hopefully I will throw off this cold and gets some extra sleep so that I can feel a bit better!

Emotions run rife amid renovation chaos!!

My emotions have gone crazy. I am sad, then happy, then angry - boy there is a lot of angry happening - I am up, down all over the place. Honestly, I am really trying to control things but I am finding it almost impossible. Add to that the renovations have started in earnest. JourneyMan and I have spent the weekend ripping out the kitchen, ripping up the revolting lino and getting quotes for everything else that we need done.

When we ripped out the lino in the kitchen, we found that it was covered with a black rubber paper like underlay that had heaps of glue and staples in it. We spent most of today trying to scrape the black crap up and pull out all of the staples. Thankfully all of the staples are out but the black stuff is as stubborn as all get out. Add to this the fact that I have hurt my back doing the scraping and JourneyMan has cold or some sort of sinus thing going on and it is misery city at our house.

We have soooo much to do this week, we need to repair some of the plasterboard because a hole was put in it when the rip out happened, we need to finish the floor in the kitchen. The appliances get delivered on Tuesday, the plumber and electrician come for the fit out on Wednesday and the kitchen is due to be installed on Thurday. I really hope that we get everything done!! JourneyMan starts his new job tomorrow and since he is not feeling well, it is going to be a bit tough for him.

The next 6 weeks are going to be pretty hideous getting the kitchen finished off, finishing all of the painting details, getting the splashback and laundry tiled and then the floorboards polished (we need to move out for around 10 days when this happens) but the great thing will be that the house will then be completely done!! I am hoping to have all of it done by the 15th July, then JourneyMan and I have a Baby Moon planned for the weekend of the 16-17 of July and I will be finished work by then too - I am hoping that we can have a really nice relaxing weekend with everything done in the house!!

In JBB news, he is very active lately which makes me very happy!! I had the second last scan last Friday and the cervix was down to 30mm - they didn't seem worried so I am trying not to as well. I have an appointment with the OB this Wednesday where I will have the gestational diabetes screening - hopefully I will be all clear!

Oh well, I am off for an early night and work and more scaping tomorrow.....