So, why am I reliving these horrible times? Well because I was chatting to JBB this week and I realised that I am glad that these cycles didn't work. Don't get me wrong, I still wish that JourneyMan and I could have sex at the right time of the month and boom, 9 months later we would have another baby but what I realised that I am grateful down to my bones is that we weren't successful with my eggs because if we were, JBB wouldn't exist. He is a special guy. His laughter can clear away all bad thoughts in my head. His cries of pain (he is teething at the moment) elicit an overflowing of maternal comfort. He is beautiful, he is clever, he is precious.
It feels good for those cycles to not have power over me anymore. There was a lot of grief there. They changed me irrevocably but at the end of the day, their failure brought me the greatest happiness of my life. I don't want to go all kumbaya on your arses but finally I have realised that these cycles that I thought bought me the most sadness in my life, actually opened the door to the greatest happiness.