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Thursday, November 25, 2010

Secret Keeper

That is what I feel like - a keeper of secret moments between JBB and I. JourneyMan is visiting with his nephew tonight (I saw his cutieness yesterday) and I have just come back from JBB's room realising just how lucky I am. I mean, it's not as if I didn't know, I surely did but tonight it has gone deeper within me, I have felt more grateful than I have ever felt before. So what happened to cause this revelation? Nothing much. I have been working on my Christmas list with JBB in bed when he woke up and started squeaking (not really crying, just complaining a little), I let him got for a little to see if he settled himself but he didn't so I went in and picked him up and sang his sleepy song (you've got a friend). As I was singing to him, he gave me some gorgeous smiles as he usually does. He settled pretty much straight away and I put him back in to the cot.
How lucky am I that I was able to comfort this little miracle? The privilege of this takes my breath away. These are the secret moments of a mother - knowing how to comfort JBB, being able to distinguish the difference between the cry of hunger from the cry to be comforted. Learning what makes him smile and laugh (the first time that he laughed was when I made an ooooooooh sound with a funny face - he is easily pleased), choosing to entertain and play with him rather than empty the dishwasher. Knowing what songs that he likes to hear (most of them made up by me - one day I sang nearly every word to him all day). Seeing his face light up in the morning when I sing his good morning song.
This motherhood caper is such a learning experience, every day I learn something new about this little boy - how to entertain him, how to comfort him, how to make him smile, how to make him laugh - it the best thing ever!!
I am dreading going back to work - I want to be the one that still holds these secrets but unfortunately I am going to miss some of the firsts of the things that he does. I don't know how I am going to deal with that but I am not going to worry about that now, for the moment I am the keeper of secret moments.


  1. I love this post, so filled with calm joy :) Enjoy every secret moment you share together!

  2. Motherhood is THE BEST thing EVER. I never in my wildest dreams imagined it could be so awesome. I am so glad I never gave up the fight to be a mother.

    When my daughter went to daycare, I was lamenting the fact that I might miss some of her firsts. Someone told me something that has always stuck with me: "The first time you see her do it is the first time she has ever done it." In other words, you will never know if it was the first time or not. And even if you didn't go back to work, JBB might just do his firsts in the next room from you and you would never know. So just remember that the first time you see it, that's the first time JBB's ever done it. :)