Well, we are trying for some semblance of a routine at the moment and (cross your fingers) it seems to be going pretty well. We are only talking at night - his days are still pretty much up in the air but nights are pretty good. He starts winding down at 7pm with a bath (with Mum), a massage (from Dad), a story, a feed and then to sleep - generally between 7:30-8pm. I then wake him up gently for a top up feed at 11pm (read about doing this in a book and it seems to work) and then he sleeps through to between 5:30-6:30pm. It's nice to have a small bit of a routine after the chaos (blissfully wonderful chaos!!) of the past month.
That brings me on to an issue that I have been feeling. JourneyMan, JBB and I are currently attending a local council run course called 'Baby Makes 3' for new parents. Since I believe in trying anything to see if it works, we attended the first of 3 sessions last Thursday. It was excellent and has made for some interesting (and some heated) discussions between JourneyMan and I. At the course, I realised that I had been holding back from saying anything negative about having JBB - basically because I didn't think that I had any right to because of what we went through to have him.
There is not anything really negative, it is just that some days can be pretty challenging and my goodness, the worry - both JourneyMan and I have not been able to help ourselves from checking the little popsicle is breathing - sometimes he is so quiet it is scary. I absolutely 100% know that I am lucky and I am completely grateful for the gift that we have been given but does that mean that I can't express my feelings? I had also avoided doing it on this blog because I know that many, many people out there are continuing to fight the battle of IF and I don't want to be insensitive to their plight. I would love it if anyone could help me out with some advice here!!
I do feel stressed at the moment. JourneyMan lost his job a couple of weeks ago and it is getting to the point where if he doesn't get something soon, I might have to ask if I can go back to work earlier. I know that it is crazy but I feel a bit like that the price that I have to pay for having my dream come true is that I have to go back to work and not be with my gorgeous boy for all of his 'firsts' and to nurture and care for him. That being said, JourneyMan does have a few good prospects on the go at the moment and I am hopeful that he will be able to secure something very soon!!
News about JBB - he is 5.2kg's (11lb's) now and growing very well. He has the most beautiful skin I have ever seen. He is now smiling in response to us and laughing as well - my sister and I call him the time muncher because we can spend hours trying to make him smile and laugh. JourneyMan and I both read to him everday - mainly books that we are reading ourselves but also some children's books too. I love singing to him - though my voice is terrible, poor kid!! Despite the stress, despite the tiredness, despite any minor niggle that there is in my life - I feel absolute and utter joy every day - I mean who wouldn't looking at this face.....
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Aww he is absolutely gorgeous!! I hope things work out on the job front soon for JourneyMan. Being out of work right now must be very stressful. But getting to spend more time with JBB must be wonderful as well.
ReplyDeleteHey JG, JM, JBB:
ReplyDeleteSheez! I didn't know babes could be THAT gorgeous! He truly has got *that* something special...maybe it's the knowledge (sure, it will be purely instinctive at his age!) that he has parents who love him dearly and are doing every possible thing they can for him....
While I can't speak for anyone else, I am one of your readers who is yet to have a bub. It is my job to see that I deal appropriately with the idea that I might never have a baby of my own. My disapointment should never take away from your joy.
That being said, I do often wonder what the experience of motherhood is *truly* like - not just the fun stuff. Point is, you get through years of IVF and all that entails and then you're launched into parenthood. I imagine it is blardy tough and often get scared that I couldn't cope at all!
So for me, having you to share honestly what it is really like is a blessing. I am learning things, and you are helping me to re-find some confidence in the whole idea. Parenthood isn't wonderful and perfect all the time. You can't enter it fully knowing all that will eventually be required. I believe you have the right to express those concerns here - along with the joy and the love - without endlessly having to feel you should be 'grateful' for now being a mother.
You are making a darn tootin' job of navigating this big new scary (but fun!) world. I for one am eating up all of your experiences.
Sure, I don't like that you are currently having added stress on top of things - but again this is the real world of parenting and other things happen, so please report on them as you see fit.
Oh yes, and kudos to you and JM for giving JBB a wonderful gift in the form of early literacy...what a way to set a young man on the path to a wonderful life!
LS x
PS: Apologies for the comment essay!
Look at that handsome little man! He is precious.
ReplyDeleteYou know what girl? Complain all you need to. Just because you need to vent a little every now and then it doesn't mean you aren't grateful. I love my husband to pieces, but every now and then, I have to blow off steam about the things he does that drive me nuts. Motherhood is no exception. It isn't always sunshine and flowers. Yes, you ARE grateful to be a mama, but sometimes, it is difficult to be a mama and you just need to get it off your chest or you'll implode. Don't ever feel bad about that.