2012 - 41st Birthday - My birthday was a few weeks before I left for Thailand to try our luck with the final embryos from the Oct 2011 cycle. From my birthday 2011 to my birthday 2012, it was a pretty tough time. The October 2011 cycle was negative and at the same time I found out about that I accidentally found out that my sister was accidentally pregnant. I was thrown for a big loop. I had gone into the Oct 2011 cycle super confidently, I mean we got pregnant with JBB on the first go, why wouldn't it happen again? Who the heck knows but it didn't and I had some dark days - I felt that people didn't really understand why but I think that the main reason was that I wasn't doing it for myself - I was actually doing it more for JBB - I wanted a sibling for him so that they would always have each other. Anyhoo. After the failed cycle, we decided that I would go on my own for a FET in the December and a few weeks before going for that cycle - JBB got seriously ill with Kawasaki disease. These were some of the toughest days of my life and I really don't know why I even ended up going to the cycle in December but hindsight is 20/20. Not long after I found out that the December cycle didn't work, we found out that the cancer in my Dad had spread significantly. I just felt all out of hope. By the time, my birthday came around in August, I was feeling more hopeful, I'd had some good talks to my Dad and my nephew was born and holding made me realise how much I wanted another baby - I just don't think I was ready before that. JBB's 2nd birthday party was the last outing that my Dad had. My bestie and I left for Thailand 4 days later and when I went in to see my Dad, I had no idea that it would be the last time that I saw him. Not the most affectionate man, he put both of his hands on the side of my face, said 'good luck' and 'goodbye'. I came out of there crying and it was the last time that I saw him alive.
It is hard to believe that all of this time has whizzed by. Most of the people's blogs that I followed are now predominantly inactive - I think everyone has gotten their dream and gotten busy with their lives. We sure have too but I think of you all and I will you all the best with your lives and your dreams and I hope that you are all going super well!!