The next steps...

I had a lovely day of rest today - just caught up on some DVD's and hung out with JourneyDog, we had a nap in the afternoon - I have been very tired indeed though I think that is mostly due to catching up from the trip home and Christmas. JourneyMan went to visit his best mate for a catch up so JourneyDog and I had fun just hanging out together - it is pretty hot back here in Melbourne so the airconditioner has been working overtime.

In the past 2 days, I have bought (I kid you not!) 5 pregnancy books - and I have pretty much read most of them - I have read the relevant material for this period around 4 times!! I am very excited but of course there are worries that are underneath the surface. Don't get me wrong - I am over the moon and am very positive about the pregnancy but there is of course fear and quite a bit of impatience. I think that this pregnancy is going to teach me some patience, after all, I can't force anything at the moment, I just have to sit back and let it happen.

I have to answer poor Lifeslurper who is in a bit of a frenzy about the blood test (sorry for the vague updates, my friend, I have not been 100% sure of what to do myself - I feel a little in unknown territory - an IVFer without a clinic!!). I am hoping to get an appointment with my GP tomorrow but it is the first day that they are open since Christmas so I may not get in to see my doctor. I am kind of in no-woman's land at the moment because my fertility specialist is not back until 18 January so at the moment I am concentrating on relaxing and making the most of my last week before I start back at work - boooooo!

Symptoms wise, I am still feeling quite lightheaded and tired as I mentioned before. I am getting random off and on pains and my back is pretty sore but other than that, I am feeling very good!

Hopefully some more good news tomorrow!

The best gift of all!!!

Merry Christmas everyone!! JourneyMan and I are over the moon, I got a positive pregnancy test this morning on a HPT. The line was faint but it was definitely there - I can't get the grin off my face!!

Well, I have to go get ready for our Christmas lunch at my Aunties place - I just wanted to briefly stop by to let you know the good news.

I am SO happy - it is amazing!!

The torture of HPT's & fertile friends

Okay, before I resume the story of IVF past, I have to talk about an incident that occurred yesterday. On my way to my car to go home from work, I realised that AF had not arrived – what?!?! I am extremely regular at 28 days each month so this was a bit of a shock, especially considering that I didn’t even feel like I was getting AF. Of course, one of the first things that jumps into my mind is that ‘I’m pregnant’ – this is quickly followed by ‘don’t be bloody ridiculous’ and a litany of reasons why I couldn’t be jumped into my head.

I ended up taking a pregnancy test but my feelings around the whole test were something to be believed – I am sure many of you can relate. I hate home pregnancy tests by now, absolutely HATE them. I know that it is not correct to say that you hate anything but let me tell you, I hate, hate, hate them. Not once have I gotten a positive result from one of those buggers, I have never seen two lines, I feel like they mock me. I know how stupid I sound, hating an inanimate object but honestly, I would so love to see a positive result – hopefully after our trip to Thailand later on this year.

Anyway, I took the test and of course it was negative but on the drive home, I spent my time wondering ‘what if’. It was a lovely trip home, thinking about seeing two lines on the test, building up our life with a new baby. Being able to get a new kitchen instead of spending our money on the donor cycle in Thailand, having a baby shower, making sure JourneyDog doesn’t feel left out – basically I built baby castles in the air and the problem with those stinking pregnancy tests are that they always smash those castles to dust.

Another thing that happened to me today was that I saw a friend at the gym who was taking her baby daughter to swimming lessons. I have pulled away from my friends of late, I know that it’s not a good thing and most of them are very supportive but sometimes it is just so hard to face them. Even today, just seeing my friend and chatting for a couple of minutes made me really sad. Sad for me because of what we have to do to realise our dream of having a family but sad for my friends too that I can’t seem to face them right now and I haven’t even been able to explain why – I hate myself alot of the time because of it. The last 2 years I have been pulling further and further away – I don’t want to end up having no friends just because they are in a different place than I am but it also hurts quite a bit to see them as well. I am really at a loss to know what to do right now and if any of you have any ideas, I would love to hear them.

I want to acknowledge all of the wonderful comments that I have received over the past week or so. My good friend Lifeslurper told me that I would be amazed by the support that I would receive from the blogging world and honestly, you all have blown me away – thank you SO much for taking the time to post your comments. I have a few messages to those who have left comments:

Aileen – thanks for reading along and wow, dog furniture – what a fabulous idea!!!

Lorza – gosh, thanks for the encouragement!! My best mate who I did the trek to Everest Base camp feel like it is unfinished business because we didn’t make it to the peak, we are planning to go back there in 2011 to complete it once and for all!! Oh and JourneyMan has been strutting around the place like a peacock that he got a comment on his post J

Parenthood for Me & Suraita – thanks for the welcome, you guys are SO lovely!

Summer – great to hear from a DE Mum – I have been reading through your blog, so insightful, I am loving it!

Miss Tori – Thank you so much for your comment – we did try some cycles without the Syneral (which I believe is the same as Lupron here in Australia), I had a couple of antagonist cycles and I did get to transfer on those cycles but they were BFN’s unfortunately.

Well, that’s it for tonight, I will be back soon with the next instalment of IVF past – I need something to pass the time – still 3 weeks until the appointment with the haematologist!

Cheers,

JourneyGirl