tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16627107845105450222024-03-06T03:36:55.617+11:00Donor Eggs JourneyAfter 5 unsuccessful IVF cycles, 2 laparoscopies and a vasectomy reversal for her husband, this 41 year old girl with a unicornuate uterus, one kidney and a blod clotting disorder was lucky enough to become pregnant via donor eggs travelling to the beautiful country of Thailand. Now we have two amazing boys, this blog continues to look at the donor egg journey and what it means to JBB and Boo2 over their lives.
Journey Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13431048965054379161noreply@blogger.comBlogger328125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1662710784510545022.post-3544551885939760362016-03-13T21:14:00.000+11:002016-03-13T21:14:32.569+11:00Boo2 - What the Eck?<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Okay, so Boo2. He is a different character than JBB, not better or worse, just different. From the beginning he was on the go, you could never really hold him as he squirmed and squirmed - my Mum called him 'pass the parcel'. Within a week of him walking, he was running, he desperately wants to keep up with his big brother, he does everything JBB coes.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Last weekend, we had a family party at a playground which was awesome, we had a beautiful spot under a tree away from the hot sun and the kids could run wild. I saw Boo2 engaged in a battle with a kid twice his size. Boo2 was playing with a little dam wall and the bigger kid had come over to push him off so he could play with it. Boo2 hunkered down and held on to that dam and would not let go. Finally, the other kid gave up and walked off, I had a little chuckle to myself because Boo2 is one determined little business. I hung back to make sure all was okay and the funny thing was, this big kid obviously decided that Boo2 was worth playing with after that he took Boo2 under his wing.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">One of my favourite things that I absolutely adore about Boo2 is his great capacity for joy. He has always been easy to make laugh and you can really do the same thing over and over again and he will keep on laughing, I love it. So does everyone else. When I pick JBB up from school and then we go get Boo2 from daycare, JBB loves to make Boo2 laugh in the car. Boo2's laugh could make anyone smile, it is mouth open, whole face engaged, head thrown back loud chuckles. It is one of the most gorgeous sounds in my life.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Since he was a baby, Boo2 has loved to go on slides and pretty much any climbing equipment in a park. Slides are his favourite by far though and he has this hilarious habit when he is so happy after a slide, he has to jump at the end. He will do it for hours, run around, go down the slide, jump for joy, run around again.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Today we went to a pool not far up the road that has a little frog slide into the water, even going down that slide, he goes under at the end, pops up and jumps for joy. Every time he does it, it makes me smile. I didn't know that 'jumping for joy' was a literal thing until Boo2 came along, bless him!! I told him today that when we go to Thailand in June that the hotel we are staying at has a little slide into the pool, his response 'awesome!!!'</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">So, the other thing that happened that has made me say 'what the eck?' is that I was walking down the sideway the other day and Boo2 pushed past me and said 'get out of my way'. I was very much 'how about you say excuse me?' and he pointed to me and said 'that's what you get'. Really!?!?! Then of course, JourneyMan laughed at the situation so I have heard 'that's what you get!' quite a bit lately. **sigh**</span></div>
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Journey Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13431048965054379161noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1662710784510545022.post-87691689560604617922016-03-02T21:34:00.000+11:002016-03-02T21:34:47.586+11:00Close to Perfect<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Last weekend, we had the kind of weekend that I had dreamed of having when we were in the trenches of IF.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Friday started with Boo2, my Mum and I going to JBB's first school sports and he won a ribbon for coming first in his running race - yay. It was the cutest day, he couldn't wait to tell everyone what his favourite part of the day was, riding the bus - ha ha, cracks me up. Boo2 just wanted to run himself, he kept on repeating 'I run, Mummy?', 'When I race, Mummy?' He always wants to be doing what JBB is doing. When we got there, JBB went and sat with his friends and Boo2 went and sat next to him. Gorgeous. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">On Saturday morning, I was up with the boys at the crack of dawn - cos, well that's what time they get up, every, single, day. We had our breakfast and talked about what we were going to do over the weekend and then I headed off to bootcamp. I have been on a bit of a fitness kick, trying to keep up with these two little live wires so have been doing bootcamp 4 mornings a week for the past 4 weeks - foof, I am exhausted!!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">When I got back, we took the boys to swimming lessons. One thing about Boo2 is, he is a big smiler - for his whole swimming lesson, there is always a big, big smile plastered across his face, it always makes me smile. JourneyMan goes in the pool with Boo2 and I site between both classes and watch both boys. JBB was assessed to see if he was ready to go up to the next level but he wasn't quite. I was actually quite relieved by that - he has had quite a change with starting school so going up to a more challenging swimming class was unecessary at this point, I felt.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">After the swimming lessons, we were going to go straight to the Caravan and Camping show but two things happened, I forgot my Fitbit (and I was on a 6 day streak for 10K of steps each day) and Boo2 spewed up his cheese and vegemite sandwich. So we ducked home for a change of clothes for Boo2 and to make sure he was okay (unfortunately, he is a bit of a spewer, if he puts too much in his mouth he spews, too much milk, he spews, and then of course there are his allergies). The Caravan and Camping show was fun - JBB kept saying 'this is the best day ever' which always feels very nice. They had a great time inspecting tents and caravans. Our main aim was to get inspired for our Easter trip which definitely worked and it was just a fun day altogether.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">On Sunday, we have been going to the Thousand Steps which is a memorial walk not too far from our house (a memorial to the Australia soldiers who suffered on the Kokoda trail in Papua New Guinea in the Second World War). It is a tough but reasonable short trail - it takes about 40mins to go up and back and there is a lovely playground at the bottom that the boys love having a play at while JourneyMan and I take turns going up the trail.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">After the thousand steps, we took the boys home so Boo2 could have his afternoon sleep and I took the chance to do a bit of cooking to prepare for the week. Once Boo2 woke up, we went to the park down the road, it was the most beautiful day an end of summer day that was just amazing. We played football altogether in the park and then the boys had some fun in the playground.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">I know that this sounds like a pretty pedestrian, unexciting weekend but to me, it was bliss - beautiful, smiling faces, laughing and jokes, just being together and enjoying our time. One of the things that our journey through IF taught me was that you have to take the happiness where you can get it and honestly, the happiness over the weekend was palpable. I am one lucky, lucky person. </span></div>
Journey Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13431048965054379161noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1662710784510545022.post-28686128320477065312016-02-04T21:29:00.001+11:002016-02-04T21:29:51.290+11:00First Day of School Tears<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">So I could for sure write a post on the mind boggling quick passage of time but I would much rather talk about our Journey Baby Boy who is now a Big School Boy. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">I have never really thought I would be a mother that would cry when their child went to school - I thought that people were crying because they would miss their baby when they were away for them or because they wished that they wouldn't grow up. I had an inkling that all might not go as expected on the last day of kindergarten last year. My darling JBB and his kindergarten class had a Christmas concert - he told me that he was going to sing for me at the concert and I smiled and said I couldn't wait but in my mind wondered if it would be indeed a time that we would watch the other kids sing whilst JBB hid his face in embarrassment as he had done at the day care concerts. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">Throughout the kindergarten year we had some challenges with JBB not feeling comfortable in joining in on particular occassions - at Auskick, at birthday parties etc, etc. He is quite a cautious kid and it is always a very fine balance between pushing too hard and him missing out on fun. We had his birthday party at an indoor playground with a big slide and, in one of my better moments of parenting, we decided to take him there a few times before the party so he was comfortable - he was and he ruled that party!!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">Anyway, back to the kinder concert. We arrived at the centre and it was hugely crowded, I thought that would send JBB running but he saw his teacher and walked easily over and took his place on the 'stage' with his friends. To all our surprise, he sang the songs and did all the actions whilst many of the other kids shied away and didn't really participate. It struck me at the time how grown up he was, how much he had matured in that kinder year, what a great person he is becoming. They were singing a song about how to say hello and goodbye in different languages and I thought 'he is saying goodbye to these friends' and that was it, I was crying. It was compounded by the fact that they also sang this 'Santa Claus is coming' song by High Five and this is a song that haunted me throughout my infertility journey - every Christmas Eve, it was on Carols by Candlelight and of course it started that I would sing this with my kids in the next few years, then year after year, I got sadder and sadder about it when my arms were still empty - even to this day, I can barely hold myself together when I hear the song so when my beautiful, hard fought little man started singing it with his mates - I was done, crying, crying, crying. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">So, fast forward to late January when it was JBB's turn to have his first day of school. He was super excited about going, he was up at 5am getting his uniform on and asking every 5 minutes if it was time to go yet. There were the obligatory pics on the front steps (JourneyDog who is Woolly photobombing the pics), uniform spanking clean, unscuffed shoes and a schoolbag almost bigger than him. Hugs with Mum and Dad, hugs with his little brother, hugs with his dog. In the car on the way over, he said to me 'I'm a bit nervous, Mum' and I told him it's okay to be nervous, I am always nervous when I start new things and his Dad told him that everyone else is for sure nervous too.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">There were many many people there, the classroom was humming with activity and emotions were running over everywhere. JBB stuck to my side like glue, even though he had made some friends and they had come in, he was loathe to move away from my side. JourneyMan had to leave for work so it was just JBB and me. I could see he was getting distressed and I was also. Thankfully one of the teacher helpers came over, I was the second last Mum to leave and I needed to go because they were about to start. I hugged him and told him that I would pick him up soon and he clung to me and whispered 'don't go yet'. My heart clenched and I said that I had to go.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">I put my head down and walked as fast as I could to my car and then sobbed the whole way home. I've thought about it often since then (it's only been a week) and wondered why I was crying. The main part was that he was distressed and I had to leave him - that was tough but I think I would have cried anyway and I am not exactly sure why. I am super proud of how he is meeting all these milestones, I am very happy that he is becoming independent and I am excited to see him becoming his own person. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">He ended up coming home super excited but also told me that his favourite bit was doing some drawings for me when he was crying - queue a few swallows to hold back more tears! So, this morning, I was up at 5:15am to go to bootcamp and when I looked in his room, he was already putting his school uniform on, he absolutely loves school and can't wait everyday to go.</span></div>
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Journey Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13431048965054379161noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1662710784510545022.post-22689383439039587162015-12-23T20:48:00.001+11:002015-12-23T20:48:19.509+11:00Blog Reboot - with a little story<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">So I have been a terrible blogger, blah blah blah. I am very sorry but I miss it and there is SOOOO much to tell but I am going to start slow and see where it takes me. I hope that there are some of you out there living your wonderful lives going well - I think of you often.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">This blog has always been about kids from donor eggs, of which I have two amazingly, gorgeous boys who I say a prayer of thanks for every. single. night.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">So, this is a story about JBB, who is now 5 - what the heck!! Yes, 5!! I am quite amazed by the ridiculously swift passage of time.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">We have always been honest with the boys about where they have come from. We have many age appropriate books that explain the donor eggs story and we tell them all the time about their own particular story. The back story to this little story is that our youngest (aged 2 - again, what the heck!) is allergic to eggs and anaphylactic to peanuts.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">So, without much further ado - I will give you my little story - and I do mean little but it still touches my heart.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">We have been in our 'forever' house for almost 2 years now and I love it as much today as I did when I first walked through the door. There were some crazy lights in here though - very heavy gothic looking things that was ridiculous with the low ceilings of the house. Plus in our family, there were pool table lights that JourneyMan and I were constantly bumping our head on. After saving up our pennies, we got an electrician in (let's call him Sparky - I know, right - my creativity has only increased since I haven't been blogging) - this is an electrician that we have used before at our old house when we renovated, a lovely guy - he does work for the whole family.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">When Sparky came to do all the lights, JBB was enthralled - he followed him around the whole house asking him questions, I also was talking to him a lot because he is a really nice guy and we had a little catch up. At one point, JBB said to me 'it is my turn to talk to Sparky now, you go into the other room'. I raised my eyebrows at Sparky and he gave me an amused look and I walked into the kitchen where I could still see and hear them. Here is how the conversation went:</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">JBB 'that's my Mum and Dad in the picture at their wedding'</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Sparky 'Oh really, you wouldn't have even been born yet'</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">JBB 'no, we were waiting in Thailand for Mum and Dad to come and get us'</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Sparky 'Is that right?'</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">JBB 'yes, Mummy had a broken bit and had donor eggs, Boo2 is allergic to eggs' </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Sparky 'Really, that's…..'</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">It was at this point I came back into the conversation - Sparky was amazingly interested and told me that his sister had used donor eggs as well and then we were off and racing. JBB listened intently and then moseyed off to find something more interesting to do.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">It still makes me laugh because he so matter of factly told Sparky his story, which I absolutely adore - and then had to add that Boo2 is allergic to eggs, oh bless him - I love how his mind works</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Anyway - that's me out. Hopefully this will be the start of something more regular!!</span></div>
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Journey Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13431048965054379161noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1662710784510545022.post-31171664044841829362015-08-18T21:52:00.002+10:002015-08-18T21:52:54.644+10:00Senseless<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">The last 24 hours have been tough - tough for our friends in Bangkok where a bomb went off at a busy intersection during peak hour. It is especially poignant for us because it was right outside the clinic that gave us our family. My heart bleeds for all of those who have been killed and injured in this senseless attack. I hope against hope that our friends and the families of all those in the clinic are safe and unhurt.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">Personally, we are only 9 days away from our first holiday to Thailand as a complete family. We have been planning our trip for almost a year, it's always been a large part of our agenda for the boys to know their heritage, to grow up knowing Thailand, to see the beauty that we have seen and experience the Thai people who are generous of heart and whose smile is their default position. For them to know their story, for them to know how they came to be the amazing people that they are.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">The question that has crept into my mind now though is 'is it safe to take our boys there at this time'. If it were only me that I was thinking of, I would not want to succumb to the fear and terror because I think that would allow the terrorists to win. But it's not just me, it's my boys - the most precious gifts of my life. The two kids whose face I touch every night to ensure they are safe and breathing in their beds. JourneyMan believes whole heartedly that we still go, that we stay in Bangkok for the time that we had already planned and go onto Koh Samui and enjoy our time.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">Up until this morning our only thoughts were of the things that we were going to do, the places we would take the boys, the fun that we would have as a family. The life experiences and memories that we would be forging in their lives and, of course, my mind was significantly occupied with the question 'how do you keep a 5 year old and 2 year old entertained on a 9 hour flight?' Now I am afraid and confused, I really don't know what to do.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">Is it stupidity to go willingly into a place that has seen terror so recently? Or is it stupidity to believe that places still exist without terror? Can you keep your kids safe? Or is fate set and it doesn't matter what you do?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">There are decisions to be made but we are in a bit of a 'wait and see' what happens over the next few days. I really don't know what to do.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">If anyone is reading this and I have great doubt that anyone is after all this time - but if you are, please send your thoughts and prayers to the innocent people who were hurt or killed by this senseless crime.</span></div>
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Journey Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13431048965054379161noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1662710784510545022.post-61435366277798369122014-10-17T21:21:00.000+11:002014-10-17T21:21:29.066+11:00The School Decision<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">**This post is about religion - I want to give you a heads up that we are non-religious - not anti religious and this post is not meant to offend anyone, I have very strong beliefs that each person should be free to choose their own religious beliefs and I would never force any of my own beliefs on anyone else, your life and your decisions are your own. If you are deeply religious, I respect that and I hope that I do not offend you in any way***</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">My husband and I were brought up as Catholics and both attended private Catholic schools. My experience of school was a good one, though both of us now don't really have any religious affiliation. The boys were not baptised (to my Mum's great chagrin) and both of us don't really believe in what we were brought up to believe. That is not to say that I have anything against anyone who is religious - many people find great comfort in their religion and I have great respect for that.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Melbourne is diverse culturally, it is one of the things that I love very much about my town but as a generalisation, religion is not a huge deal in many people's lives. This may sound very trite considering the world climate but most people would be more offended if you professed no affiliation to an Australian Rules football team than to no affiliation to a religion. It is not a perfect place but I love it and I am happy to bring my boys up in a place (mostly) of tolerance.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">So, how does this relate to schools? We have been discussing where we would send the boys to school for a while. The area that we live in don't have great public schools so we always knew that we would want to go down the path of a private school. As I had a good experience with my Catholic school, I didn't really have any objection to them attending one and there were a few around who accepted kids that hadn't been baptised. It would be difficult though so we discussed whether we wanted them to be baptised. My feelings were not strong either way but JourneyMan's were very strongly against as he believes that our children are perfect and it is offensive to him to think that they were born with 'original sin'. So after much discussion, we decided not to baptise them, indeed I think it would be very hypocritical to baptise them just so that they could attend a particular type of school and not because we believe strongly in the sacrament.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Most private schools around our area are affiliated to a particular religion and though most of them practise an open policy in attendance for non-religious (or people from other religions), preference is given to children of their own religion - which is fair enough. For me, the biggest concern that I would have in sending our boys to a religious school is that they are born from IVF and indeed from a donor and I worry that they will be told that they are 'wrong' in some way. Now, I know many deeply religious people, my Mum and Dad are (were) and JourneyMan's Mum and Dad are too - these beautiful, wonderful people have never made any comment in any way that suggests that they think anything of these precious boys other than they are the true miracle that they are but what of others? Wouldn't it stand to reason that if there were people who were strictly involved in the church and believe that IVF and donor children are 'wrong' in some way would be sending their kids to a religious school? I know that I can't protect them from what people say all their lives but I can't willingly put them into a situation where this may occur. My Mum thinks I am very silly - of all the people she knows, none of them would ever even conceive of saying anything like this but I have done my research about Catholic opinion and the Church only sanctions GIFT (gamete intrafollopian transfer) - which the boys were not.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">So, I did make calls to many schools and talked to many people about our situation - including religious schools and I have to say that these were wonderful, wonderful people. They were happy to answer my questions and available to have discussions about our pretty unique situation. There were definitely a couple of religious schools that I would feel very comfortable sending the boys to, they were truly, truly wonderful. Even though we were still (at the time) 2 years away from JBB going, we were mostly too late in getting his name down. However, the school that won our hearts was a non-religious one that is not too far away. It is pretty expensive but we have decided that we would rather sacrifice a few things and get them to go to this school because it blew us away. We are on the waiting list - we will only know mid-next year whether JBB will be able to attend in 2016. He will be attending a public kindergarten next year and then will go on to the new school (which goes from prep to year 12).</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">It strange to think that my little JBB, who such a short time ago was a tiny baby in my arms will soon be going to school. It is such a cliche but they really do grow up so fast. Just on JBB, it is a funny thing that people assume that he is already in school. He is sooooo tall. When he turned 4, we measured him as usual and I laughingly discovered that he is in the 90th percentile of height for a 5 year old, he absolutely towers over all of the kids at his daycare and I think that one of these days he is going to tower over me and I am not a short person.</span></div>
Journey Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13431048965054379161noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1662710784510545022.post-46180215540570650292014-09-15T13:04:00.001+10:002014-09-15T13:04:37.907+10:00A Seven Year Birthday Retrospective<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">So, I realised yesterday that I had written 3 posts in 2014 - slack, very slack and it is super important for me to actually keep this updated as it has been a valuable record and one that I hope I can share with the boys in the future. Plus, I find it hugely helpful to clear my thoughts - it has always been a great way of clearing my thoughts out.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">As my birthday is a time of reflection - I thought I would do a bit of a retrospective. I chose 7 years because JourneyMan and I celebrated our 7th wedding anniversary last week - thank you my darling for 7 wonderful years.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">So, last month, I turned 43 and I am blown away by how time is flittering by so quickly. I literally can't believe that I am 43. I feel like it was yesterday that I turned 40 but then I feel like it was only a week ago that I turned 30!! I am generally happy with my age and the last seven years of birthdays really shows just how much can change in that time.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">2007 - We were on our honeymoon when I turned 36. In Thailand, of course - though our love affair with Thailand started before we met. Journeyman went on a trip with his cousins and friends in his younger years and my bestie and I had spent an awesome 5 weeks exploring Cambodia and Thailand. My bestie and I loved Bangkok so much that we changed our trip to spend more time there. On the day that I turned 37, Journeyman woke me with a festival of presents and he had hired a motorbike which we then spent hours exploring the island of Koh Samui. He had gotten one of the local artists to paint a picture of me from a photo from my hen's night. I was kind of uncomfortable with it at the time because I thought 'who has portraits of themselves on a wall?!?!' but I found it recently in the move and I like it - it captures a very happy moment of me and I think I might have to get it framed and put up in the new house - probably upstairs because not many people but the family go up there. We already knew at this point that we would need to do IVF so we hadn't broken the bank on the wedding and honeymoon and I remember thinking that I might be pregnant by the end of the year. Oh younger, super positive self, you were so naive!! </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">2008 - Fast forward through some of the most difficult months of my life. I turned 37 in 2008. On the day of my birthday, I got my period, heralding the dashed hopes of the 4th IVF cycle with my own eggs. We had a combined dinner for my Mum and I at a restaurant. I remember sobbing as I got ready. I had called my mum and told her that I didn't want to go - she told me I would feel better if I came. I know people tip toed around me at this time, they didn't know what to say - to be ravaged by so much grief, I think it is very hard for the loved ones to watch. It was a tough, tough year our first year of marriage but I think that we were extremely lucky that we turned toward each other rather than away, it definitely made us stronger. We were in the hospital having an egg pick up and a sperm biopsy on our anniversary and then after recovering (and to speed up the 2 week wait) we went away to the snow for the weekend - JourneyMan had never seen snow before - we had a lovely anniversary celebration, toboganning, laughing and believing it was possible I could be pregnant. Then those hopes were dashed on the day of my birthday and we ended up watching the opening ceremony of the Beijing Olympics at my brother's house, I was wracked with period cramps and my heart hurt from the disappointment of another failed cycle - I thought to myself - would I even have kids by the next time the Olympics came?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">2009 - 38th Birthday - For my 38th Birthday, JourneyMan and I had a long weekend away to Daylesford to rest and recuperate from a failed cycle (originally was booked to ease the 2ww waiting torture) - it was our last cycle using my own eggs, cancelled due to the fact that I had only one large follicle and I ovulated before even pick up. The money that was returned to us for this failed cycle was instrumental in being able to afford the cycle in Thailand. For my birthday we went to the mineral springs and floated around the mineral pools for a few hours, had a yummy lunch and sat in front of the fire that night. We spent the weekend discussing the cycle in Thailand that would be coming in December, we were still in the early stages of planning. We had discussed what our child was going to be like and I remember realising that the child would not have my genes - at the time, it was a grief process - thinking that I would never see myself in them, that they wouldn't inherit any of the good (or bad) things from me. It is funny looking back on my thoughts of that time, I have absolutely no care factor about that stuff now. They are my beautiful boys and the only thing that I wish for them is happiness and health - I don't give a fat rat's if they don't inherit anything from me - they are perfect as they are - two quite different and amazing souls. I've changed significantly in my thoughts over the years, I am not the person that I was when I was 38. As an interesting aside to this, I reviewed my posts from August 2009 and happened upon one posted a complete year before my JBB was born - called 'Calculating Hope' - it is strange to see a version on myself writing before JBB entered my life. Only 12 months later, JBB was born and my life changed irrevocably. It is quite amazing. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">2010 - 39th Birthday - I had my 39th birthday 2 weeks before JBB was born. I turned 39 knowing that my dream of a child was about to come true. For my 39th birthday, I didn't really care about my birthday that much because I knew that the greatest gift of all was coming my way in a few short weeks. I remember going out to dinner for my Mum's and mine's birthday to a dumpling place and I felt so sick that I haven't been able to have dumplings since then!! My Dad was still alive and there was a great difficulty getting him to the venue because he wasn't walking that well. He got to meet my wonderful JBB though, they had a super cute relationship. This has to be a favourite birthday - I was so happy knowing that JBB was coming and my birthday couldn't mean anything less to me, I was only concerned with a new birthday coming up.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">2011 - 40th Birthday - On the actual weekend of my 40th birthday, JourneyMan had booked us in for a nice overnight stay in a hotel where we would mainly get lots and lots of sleep and wander along the river and have dinner and things. No such chance, JBB got sick, my Mum didn't wan't to take him and I didn't really want to leave him either so he came with us and I was up pretty much all night, he was so sick, poor thing. JourneyMan then went to the football the next day so I was on my own caring for the little mite. We did have a party the following weekend, big 4-0 consisted of a combined party for JBB's 1st birthday and my birthday - really the only way that I was going to have a party was to combine it with JBB. The party was mainly geared toward JBB and it was delightful to get a face painter and balloon animal girl there to keep the kids entertained. It was my first real foray into making and decorating cakes - I made 75 cupcakes in the shape of a number 1 for JBB and they were all decorated as flowers or with lollies - stuff like that. We were just starting to plan the October cycle taking the whole family to Thailand to see if we would get lucky a second time.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">2012 - 41st Birthday - My birthday was a few weeks before I left for Thailand to try our luck with the final embryos from the Oct 2011 cycle. From my birthday 2011 to my birthday 2012, it was a pretty tough time. The October 2011 cycle was negative and at the same time I found out about that I accidentally found out that my sister was accidentally pregnant. I was thrown for a big loop. I had gone into the Oct 2011 cycle super confidently, I mean we got pregnant with JBB on the first go, why wouldn't it happen again? Who the heck knows but it didn't and I had some dark days - I felt that people didn't really understand why but I think that the main reason was that I wasn't doing it for myself - I was actually doing it more for JBB - I wanted a sibling for him so that they would always have each other. Anyhoo. After the failed cycle, we decided that I would go on my own for a FET in the December and a few weeks before going for that cycle - JBB got seriously ill with Kawasaki disease. These were some of the toughest days of my life and I really don't know why I even ended up going to the cycle in December but hindsight is 20/20. Not long after I found out that the December cycle didn't work, we found out that the cancer in my Dad had spread significantly. I just felt all out of hope. By the time, my birthday came around in August, I was feeling more hopeful, I'd had some good talks to my Dad and my nephew was born and holding made me realise how much I wanted another baby - I just don't think I was ready before that. JBB's 2nd birthday party was the last outing that my Dad had. My bestie and I left for Thailand 4 days later and when I went in to see my Dad, I had no idea that it would be the last time that I saw him. Not the most affectionate man, he put both of his hands on the side of my face, said 'good luck' and 'goodbye'. I came out of there crying and it was the last time that I saw him alive.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">2013 - 42nd Birthday - This birthday was not very notable or noticed. I know that Boo2 was only 3 months old but I literally cannot remember very much of what we did. It was only notable to me because Boo2 was 3 months old, we were in amongst that first part of the baby's life and basically all consumed by it. I noticed that at this time in 2013, I realised that our IF journey was over. There would be no more cycles, no more trips to Thailand just to cycle (though there will be plenty more to ensure that the boys grow up knowing some of their heritage). </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">2014 - 43rd Birthday- This year has been lovely. I am well ensconced in being a mother and whilst the kids birthday's are hugely important to me, mine are fading into the background, which is okay but sometimes, some me time would be nice. JourneyMan had planned for us to go to Gold Class and we were booked in but then Boo2 started vomiting and so it was cancelled. We did it a few weeks later and it was just lovely. On my actual birthday, my Mum, sisters and auntie took me out to lunch at a cafe, which was absolutely wonderful. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">JourneyMan and I had our seventh wedding anniversary on the 29th of July. A week or so before our anniversary - we took the boys up for a day to the snow at Mount Donna Buang - it was one of the most fun days ever and it was very reminiscent of our first wedding anniversary when JourneyMan and I went to the snow - it was the first time that he had seen snow. We were in the midst of our 4th IVF cycle (4 in one year, foof, how did we do it!!) and when we were tobogganing, we were still hopeful that I was finally pregnant. Fast forward to this year and after seven years of marriage, we took our two gorgeous boys to the snow and watched them discover it for themselves. We had goes on the toboggan's together, though JBB wanted to go by himself (which we let him do after he had a few goes) but Boo2 was getting teeth and wasn't hugely happy - we have vowed to go again next year to experience it all over again.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">It is hard to believe that all of this time has whizzed by. Most of the people's blogs that I followed are now predominantly inactive - I think everyone has gotten their dream and gotten busy with their lives. We sure have too but I think of you all and I will you all the best with your lives and your dreams and I hope that you are all going super well!!</span><br />
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Journey Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13431048965054379161noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1662710784510545022.post-39413556099088225192014-08-04T14:15:00.001+10:002014-08-04T14:15:40.170+10:00Sickening<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">I am sure that many of you (certainly if you are in Australia) have heard what has happened to 'Gammy'. For those that don't - Gammy was born to a Thai surrogate, using Australian eggs and sperm to create the embryo. Four months into the pregnancy it was discovered that the boy twin had down's syndrome. The Australian couple asked the surrogate to abort the child but she refused on religious grounds. The Australian couple took the healthy girl but left the little down's syndrome boy, Gammy, with the Thai surrogate who is looking after him. It hit the news media last week what had happened because Gammy is sick with a lung infection and is in desperate need of heart surgery. In response, the Thai government has basically locked down all surrogacy for internationals - leaving in limbo many couples that have a surrogate baby in progress. A charity campaign was also set up and at latest count, they have raised AU$210K for Gammy.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">There is not much about this story that doesn't make me sick. For one, I don't know how any parent could leave their own baby - full stop. However, to leave their own critically ill child to a woman who is very poor and cannot afford to medically or financially support the child is beyond belief. We have some of the best medical care in Australia and yet your leave your biological child in an extremely poor country with a woman who has no responsibility to care for your child (there are some that suggest that the surrogate assumed responsibility when she refused the abortion but at the end of the day, isn't this still your biological child?).</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">I have a hard time understanding how it is okay to leave a down's syndrome baby and take the healthy twin with you - how do you justify this in your mind? Also, how short sighted is this? Didn't they realise that it would mean that they are lying to their child for their whole life, that they will be afraid constantly of the child finding out, that they have deprived their daughter of a sibling, that they have deprived themselves of another child? Many people have commented that this situation is just the same as the 95% (not verified) of down's syndrome babies that are aborted in Australia but I find both situations an anathema to me. We did have the blood tests for down's syndrome for both babies (at the request of our OB and not us) but we had already agreed that we wouldn't abort the baby - they were our babies, full stop.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">There is an element of selfishness here that is abhorrent. Basically, they have put their own needs ahead of their daughters. Anyone who has seen siblings together know how precious the bond is, I can't comment on twins because I don't have them but I imagine this bond is much, much greater. Will this child grow up feeling like something is missing? Will she find out and how will she feel towards her parents? These questions are haunting to me. I am haunted about the questions that my boys may have for us one day too.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Unfortunately, some of the comments that these articles have been getting have been disturbing to me and made me assess our own situation again. There were the usual 'this just goes to show that if you can't have kids, it is meant to be' - discounting the many, many, many biological kids that are abused by their parents but whatever. I also know that I was meant to be a mother - since having JBB, I have felt at peace with who I am and what I mean to them. Many people have been very harsh on the Australian couple for taking advantage of the Thai surrogate and it has made me think - did we take advantage of a poorer woman for our own gain? I hope not. She had told us originally that the first cycle would paid for her university education and the second cycle helped her with a deposit for a house. I hope that this is true but I cannot put a price on what she gave us - it is priceless. I still remember her walking towards me in the clinic, I had wondered previously whether I remembered what she looked like but when I saw her, she looked like JBB and she walked into my arms and we both cried. I cried with gratitude for the enormous gift that she had given us - I thank her in my mind every day. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">In a post I wrote a couple of months before we went to Thailand for the first cycle - I wrote:</span></div>
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<br /><i><span style="font-family: verdana;">"I didn’t bring up the donor eggs in
Thailand proposition with JourneyMan until after our fifth failed IVF
cycle because I didn’t think that he would be willing to consider this
option. He totally surprised me and was supportive right from the word
go. I found a ex-pat Aussie woman who had had the procedure done and
went back and forth with her about all of my questions. I have asked
myself many times why I would rather go to Thailand and pay for the
donor cycle rather than advertise in Australia. I am strangely
comforted by the fact that it is a business transaction (but also
disturbed that this comforts me). When thinking of my sister-in-law
being the donor, my thoughts went to a situation where one of her
children needed a kidney transplant and because my child would be a
match, they would have to do it because ‘they owed’ my sister-in-law’s
child. Very complicated. I know that there are complications this way
as the child will have little opportunity to find anything out about
their biological mother, morally – I feel it is in a strange zone but if
the Thai woman is willing to donate her eggs, then I am willing to give
her money for it. I once asked JourneyMan what he thought about the
moral issues of us paying to use someone else’s egg and he said ‘the
child is going to be completely loved – isn’t that the most important
thing?’ – I say YES!"</span></i></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">A pretty simplistic view in hindsight and I guess that you could say that we took advantage of the Thai donor. I hope that we haven't. I hope that she is living a wonderful life because we helped provide that opportunity for her. I hope that she thinks well of us and does not resent us. I take some comfort in the fact that she came back for a second cycle - she knew what she was getting herself into that time and she still came back, surely you wouldn't if you had a terrible experience.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">The Australian government has some culpability here. Why is there not commercial surrogacy in Australia? Why is there not commerical donor egg agreements in this country? Then there could be proper regulatory requirements to protect the donor, the surrogate, the parents and most especially, the children.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">The piece of hope that I have gained from this story is that people have been so generous. The target for Gammy was originally $50K but they have exceeded that 4 times over. Gammy is now in a private clinic in Bangkok hopefully getting the best medical care possible. I would adopt Gammy in a heartbeat, as so many others have stated but I know that even though Gammy's mum is not hers biologically, she loves her son with all her heart. I know this, because I am in exactly the same situation. I couldn't love my boys any more, end of the story - they are my life, my light, my reason for every day.</span></div>
<br />Journey Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13431048965054379161noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1662710784510545022.post-28129549635269853212014-06-17T10:26:00.001+10:002014-06-17T10:26:12.310+10:00A New Bathmat<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">JourneyMan has a job that means he doesn’t get home until
after the kids have had their dinner, bath and are tucked up in bed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So, he gets up in the morning and does the
morning routine and spends time with them then.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I find doing all of the night time routine on my own taxing
sometimes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not so much physically but
more so because I have the same conversations over and over again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>JBB, eat your dinner (and repeat 5-7 times),
Boo2 sit down in the high chair (and repeat 5-7 times), JBB hop out of the
bath, please (and repeat 5-7 times), Boo2, don’t take your nappy off (and
repeat 5-7 times), JBB, put on your pj’s (and repeat 5-7 times).</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">I was with some girlfriends last week and we were discussing
our routines.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>One of them does the
morning getting the kids ready and they employ a nanny in the afternoons a
couple of times a week to pick the kids up from school / daycare, play with
them, give them their dinner and get them ready for bed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Another friend (who is an entrepreneur and
has started up her own very successful business since her kids were born) was
intrigued and thought that she could that most nights a week.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The group of girlfriends are all very
successful women.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Most have careers,
beautiful children, loving husbands and beautiful houses.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Every one of them has their own struggles
though – whether big or small, they all struggle.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">I was genuinely intrigued by the thought of having some help
to get the kids ready for bed but then I thought of some other things.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Like when I taught JBB how to peel carrots
(previous to this, he didn’t like to eat them) and he said to me at the dinner
table ‘Thank you for teaching me to peeling the carrots, Mum, I really like it’.
Or the time when I bought a new bathmat and the excitement that it brought to
the bath time routine was crazy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Boo2
felt it with his feet and started flashdancing on it like no tomorrow, laughing
delightedly (while nude of course).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>JBB
immediately started running every part of his body over the bathmat and saying ‘I
love it, Mum’.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For days afterwards,
every person that came through the house was treated to being told about our
new bath mat and how great it is (the best $10 ever spent!!).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I also thought about the time, I accidentally
put Boo2 in the bath with his socks on – JBB laughed till he cried and Boo2
started to scream and clap because of all the laughing - the memory of their happy
faces still brings a smile to my face.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Or when we read a book that ends with ‘I love you Mum’ and JBB puts his
arms around me and says ‘I love YOU Mum’.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Or even last night when I was reading JBB his bedtime story, I dropped
the book on to my face and he laughed and laughed (and then had to tell
JourneyMan about it with the first opportunity that he had).</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">I don’t judge or begrudge any woman who is trying to make
her life easier through getting help.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
have stacks of help and still struggle to take care of the kids, work, keep a
nice house, cook nutritious meals, stay to a budget, exercise, eat right and do
all of the millions of things that a woman is expected to do these days.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Life can be super exhausting and there is so
much going on all the time that sometimes the drudgery of the night time
routine seems to be something I would like to escape from.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then we get a new bath mat and I remember the
mantra that I loved in my IF days – ‘take the happiness where you can get it’.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And I wonder, what if I missed those
laughing, touching moments?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There are
plenty of moments when you are a parent that can be tough and even mind numbingly
repetitive but to take away those, I might also also take away those times when
you get a new bath mat and all hell breaks loose.</span></div>
Journey Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13431048965054379161noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1662710784510545022.post-11885448731938062122014-05-12T13:33:00.000+10:002014-05-12T13:33:34.367+10:00A 1st Birthday Wish<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">It’s been a long time between posts – and it is a very, very busy life
here.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">First things first – my beautiful Boo2 has turned 1.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My goodness where did that year go.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When I think back to the days before he was
born – I was so fearful, Boo2 had stopped moving as much and I was constantly
worried. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I remember Anzac day last year
was horrible, I was cramping badly all day, I felt super sick and he wasn’t
moving very much – I was desperately worried.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Fast forward a year later and our Anzac Day was spent on a family holiday
to the Gold Coast where Boo2 took his first steps. Our lives have changed
immeasurably since he came into it.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">To My Darling Boo2:</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Happy Birthday my big 1 year old.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>You were tiny when you came into our lives but you have gone from
strength to strength.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You smiled so
early – months earlier than you were supposed to and you haven’t stopped
smiling since.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You are a happy and
engaging fellow, who loves to laugh and play games.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You started walking on our Easter holiday to
the Gold Coast and there has been no stopping you ever since.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You call your Dad and I both ‘Da’ and there
is no greater joy in my day when I see you and your face lights up and you say ‘Da’
and crawl (now walk) to me as fast as you can.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>You gave me a beautiful present for Mother’s Day yesterday, you said ‘Mum’
super clearly for the first time – well the smile still hasn’t left my
face.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You are super cheeky, you love to
climb up on things and when I notice and say ‘Tiny!!!! ‘ (one of your
nicknames), you give me a big grin and a hearty laugh!!</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">You have had your challenges over your first year.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Firstly, there was the bout of bronchiolitis,
then there were the ultrasounds because your hips weren’t developing properly,
then we found out that you had pretty bad eczema and there were more trips to
the doctor.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then there was the trip in
the ambulance to hospital when we found out that you were allergic to egg and,
of course, now we know that you are also allergic to peanuts.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It has been a massive learning curve for all
of <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Apart from that </span>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" /></span>
</div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Exploring is your favourite thing to do, along with just being able to
do what everyone else does.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Indeed
within a couple of weeks of taking your first steps, you are now running.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You are super social and love people,
especially all of our immediate family.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>You love your Nanna’s especially as they both take such beautiful care
of you each week.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You love music and
singing and you can’t contain your delight when we sing songs.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Your brother is super special to you and the feeling is reciprocated in
spades.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You love to mimic what he is
doing and after you walked to me, you were the person that you wanted to walk
to the most.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You have a special laugh of
joy when you first see him when you wake up in the morning or from a nap.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He loves you so much and is a super great
brother to you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sometimes he gets a
little jealous but for the most part, you are his favourite person.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You are a bit of a Daddy’s boy and for a bit
you only wanted to go to Daddy</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">The day you came into our lives, Tiny, was like when the sun hits your
body for the first time after a long winter – and you have been shining for us
ever since.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You make me laugh, you are a
joy and you are so special to me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I love
you my darling – thank you for coming into our lives.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Love Mummy.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><br />
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">In other news – I have to give a bit of a bullet list because so much
has happened:</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"></span></span>We sold our old two bedroom unit for a good
price</span></li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"></span></span>We bought a new amazing family home that we hope
we will never have to move from – it is a gorgeous two storey house with a lovely
outdoor area and most beautiful garden<span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span>We spent our Christmas holidays at my Bestie’s
new house by the beach while they were in Las Vegas getting married</span></li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">We celebrated my Bestie’s Australian wedding
with her – it was a lovely day</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"></span></span>We moved into our new house in February – it was
a hard move but thankfully we hope we won’t have to move again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We are just now really only starting to
settle in to the house – though there is still heaps to do!!</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"></span></span>My sister is pregnant with her 2<sup>nd</sup>
baby (a girl – yay!!) and she is due in July</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">We had Boo2's 1st birthday party at the new house on the weekend - it was immediate family only but there was still around 26people - it was a really nice party </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"></span></span>We are hoping to travel to Thailand in October
for our first trip there (since our honeymoon) that we won’t be having a cycle</span></li>
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</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">That’s about it for the moment but it has been soooooo hectic – I have
many, many posts in my head – I hope to start posting regularly again soon.</span></div>
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</span><br />
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Journey Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13431048965054379161noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1662710784510545022.post-82608313937413543142013-11-04T13:33:00.000+11:002013-11-04T13:33:04.695+11:00The Weight of Responsibility...<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I have a 3 year old and a six month old now – I have to
pinch myself to believe that we made it through the wilderness and now have the
two most gorgeous kids on the planet.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
am not exaggerating either – let me tell you, the Thai people are a beautiful looking
people and mix up the Thai genes with my husbands anglo genes and you get some
divinely gorgeous looking kids.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not only
are they beautiful on the outside, they are lovely on the inside.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>JBB is a wonderful kid and a fabulous big
brother.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He takes his time to warm into
a situation but once he knows you, you feel like you are standing in the
sunshine of his smile and that is an awesome place to be.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Boo2 is a happy little fellow, even in the
middle of the night, his ear splitting smile of greeting is enough to melt away
any tired grumpiness that you might have.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>He loves to give strangers a smile and I tell you, this kid never stops
moving, it is a work out just to hold him – his legs and arms are going ninety
to the dozen!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">That being said, I am very conscious that we very
deliberately brought these two boys into the world.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know that any parent (barring an accident,
of course) has deliberately brought their children into the world and I am sure
that they feel the weight of responsibility too, I am not saying that they
don’t, I am just saying that for me, it is generally in the forefront of my
mind.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For the most part, I think that
this is a great thing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The feeling of
responsibility makes me look at everything, weigh things up to see what the
best option is for the boys and then make a decision with this in the front of
my mind.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is good because usually I
am a very ‘bull at a gate’ kind of person.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Sometimes the weight of responsibility to honour these boys’
existence weighs very heavily on me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
feel like I am a terrible parent if I impatient or short with them or even if
things haven’t turned out right, then I feel like I am failing them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is all about my perfection stuff though
and I have to talk myself down quite a bit of the time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I try to keep in mind that these can be
teaching opportunities.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If I am short
with JBB, I try to make sure that I sit down and explain to him what has
happened and of course, apologise.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>None
of us go through life with everything going exactly as plan to, staying on an
even keel emotionally and everyone being super nice to us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am hoping that I am helping to teach JBB
how to cope with his emotions as best as possible.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Very early on, JourneyMan and I instituted a
‘hitty bag’ – if JBB gets angry or frustrated, we encourage him to pound on the
hitty bag to channel his emotions into it (we both try to do the same
thing!!).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Generally, it helps to get him
laughing again after awhile and all the frustrations out too which is great!!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">It is also easy to become ‘mummy bear’ whenever something
happens that upsets JBB.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>His language
skill is excellent now and he can tell me what’s going on at day care which can
be really great but also can make my blood boil.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A few weekends ago, I was joking that
JourneyMan had been ‘mean’ to me and JBB asked what ‘mean’ meant.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I told him that ‘mean’ was when someone said
or did something that made you feel bad.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The next week at day care, he told me that there was a ‘meanie car boy’
there.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I asked what he meant and he said
that there was a boy who didn’t want to play with him (and then he pointed him
out to me).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The ‘mummy bear’ in mean
wanted to go up to that little boy and shout at him for hurting my JBB but
thankfully cooler heads prevailed and I said to JBB ‘I really love the fact
that you want to play with everyone but some people aren’t like that and they
just want to play with certain people, that’s okay because you have heaps of
other friends that you can play with’.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>We talked about his feelings and I think I was able to make him feel
better. The issue with Boo2 too that I have are about whether I am giving him all the attention that he needs or am I more apt to let him cry a bit longer than I did JBB because of everything I know more now. Sometimes, it is beyond my control (ie. pooh is spreading from one place to another and JBB needs a change ASAP, Boo2 is crying and I have to leave him until the pooh is changed). Sometimes I worry that I am stuffing him up because he doesn't get attention straight away.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">The hardest thing that I find is that I am forever unsure of
what I am telling or doing to them ie. I am always asking myself ‘am I helping or
f&*%ing him up?’ – I really hope I am helping!!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">How do you guys feel about the responsibility, have you got
any good techniques to pass on?</span></div>
Journey Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13431048965054379161noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1662710784510545022.post-59878109521657030302013-10-31T11:37:00.002+11:002013-10-31T11:37:55.184+11:00Supernanny to the rescue....<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Firstly, I would like to thank Tireegal, Silver and Reagan
and Trevor’s Mummy for your kind words of support and help to my last
post.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Things have improved marginally
(ie.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Boo2’s naps during the day are
slightly longer) – he is still waking up at the same times at night and I am
back at work (and got sick with a stomach bug straight away if you can believe
it) so the exhaustion is compounding right now.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>That’s not what I want to talk about this post though.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">I was watching a ‘Supernanny Family SOS’ episode last night
and there was a family on that had gone through many cycles of IVF and had then
had adopted 3 daughters.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In essence, the
Mum felt guilty because the kids were adopted and decided to parent with ‘no
consequences’ the result of which they were very disrespectful and running
wild.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They also shouted to her quite
often ‘you’re not my Mum’.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">My guess is, that the ‘you’re not my Mum’ is a fear for all
of us who are going down the donor egg or adoption route.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I wrote a post about this <a href="http://donoreggsjourney.blogspot.com.au/2013/03/youre-not-my-mother.html">here</a>
but this show brought it all back to me again and made me wonder if the boys
will ever be so angry at me that they want to hurt me so much that they would
say this to me – probably in their teenage years, I would imagine though I hope
not.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It doesn’t hold the fear for me
that it once did – I know that I am their Mum, I know that there is no-one else
who could lay the claim of ‘Mum’ to them, I have certainty in myself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That being said, I think it will still hurt
if they say that to me but also ‘I hate you’ which I am sure hurts any parent
when said, mostly I think because the intention behind it is to hurt.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">The other thing that was happening was that because of
guilt, the mother didn’t want to discipline any bad behaviour in the kids –
that, to me, is crazy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My parenting
style is to deal with misbehaviour straight away so that there are immediate
consequences to their actions (though I also think that you need to pick your
battles).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>JBB is definitely pushing his
boundaries at the moment and has gone from sticking right by my side when we go
anywhere to running off willy nilly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>This is a total deal breaker because of the danger so he has had the
consequences of some of his toys being taken away, not being able to watch some
shows that he likes etc.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Everyone
parents differently and I can see how bad behaviour can breed – the easier road
is to let it go at the time and give them what they want but I think in the
long run, you pay for that in spades.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
am absolutely exhausted right now but I still try to discipline any behaviour
that comes up because I know it will be worse later.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That is not to say that I am perfect, I am
not even close to that, I am constantly worried that I am f*&^ing up the
kids – though that is a post for another day.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">JBB is now at the stage where he vaguely understands the
concept of his birth.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I tell him his
story about once a day (once upon a time Mummy and Daddy wanted to have a baby
very much….) and he can now distinguish between ‘Mummy’ and ‘The Donor’ (who
helped Mummy out with a part that is working) though of course just on the
level of naming various players in the story and not philosophically understanding
that his story is different from others.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>My main goal at this time is for him to always know his story, so that
it isn’t a surprise to him at some point in his life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The Supernanny episode also had a great
idea.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The girls were able to write out
their questions and about adoption (or anything in their life) and put it into
a box, the Mum then wrote the answers to their questions on the back of the
card.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It allowed them to ask anything
that they wanted without the confrontation of having to talk about it – they really
took to it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I think that this is a great
technique – one I will adopt later on so that the boys can have answers to any
of their questions.</span></div>
Journey Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13431048965054379161noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1662710784510545022.post-45106346593311506832013-10-08T10:37:00.000+11:002013-10-08T10:37:07.422+11:00Exhausted...<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">********Please do not read this post if you are in the trenches of infertility*********</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I have a post waiting to publish, catching you up on all that has been happening here but at the moment - I need to vent about what is going on. Boo2 was sleeping through the night (for oh, about a week) and bam, we went in to the 4 month sleep regression that has now continued into his 5th month. He has eczema so I think that the itch is waking him up but he is definitely hungry also. He is generally waking around 10:30pm, 1:30am and 5am. Most of the time, it takes me around 60-90mins to feed him, settle him and get back to sleep myself so I am generally having around 1-2 hours sleep at a time. He absolutely refuses the bottle (which worries me greatly as I will most likely be back at work in around 3 weeks) so it is all up to me and I am feeling quite broken from exhaustion. Especially as Boo2 will wake JBB up at 5am and he won't get to sleep and he is refusing any nap so is grumpy as all get out. During the day, Boo2 is only having 20-30min naps (rarely, I will get an hour) and during those 20-30mins, I try to cook and clean and make sure that JBB is eating healthy and having some one:one time.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I try to get a little bit of additional sleep over the weekend but the house is small and JBB is very loud and I really only get an extra 1-2 hours between the Boo2 feeds if he doesn't start crying sooner, sometimes not even that. That extra sleep does help me for about a day but by Tuesday I am a complete wreck again. I just feel like I need a break, more than 3-4 hours doing what I want to do, a sleep that is more than 2 hours. He is having solids and is definitely getting enough food, and still he wakes up. I have tried leaving him to settle himself but he will cry for half an hour or more if I let him. I have been reading everything I can about it but all I see is that I need to resign myself that this could go on for the next 12-18months and the thought of that makes me want to sit down and cry.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">In another matter that is totally pissing me off - people tell me all the time 'I just breastfed and the weight fell off me'. I have been counting calories every day (though I missed a few in the last couple of weeks) and have breastfed Boo2 every meal and the weight is most certainly not dropping off me. I feel a bit of pressure because I put on SO much in the pregnancy, I am an older mother and the weight puts me at a lot of health risks and I want to be around for my boys. I have lost some but I have got, so, so much to lose that it is a drop in the ocean.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Of course, on top of all of this is the guilt feelings because I fought so hard to have these kids and I am complaining. I feel terrible for wanting to have a break, after all, aren't there millions of mothers around the world going through what I am?</span></div>
Journey Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13431048965054379161noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1662710784510545022.post-65999090186876494672013-08-01T22:46:00.002+10:002013-08-01T22:46:57.948+10:00Infertility & Grief<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">We have finished our IVF journey. This is a cause for celebration and of great release but the journey itself has changed me irrevocably. I have a hard time remembering the person that I was before we began this journey but I know I was more trusting, more willing to throw myself into the future and less cautious. Was I happy? Sure. Was I as happy as I am now? I don't think so. My joy that I have in my family, the gratitude that I feel for my beautiful boys and my happiness in my marriage that was made stronger through facing adversity and supporting each other through it.</span></div>
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<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">There is a dark side too. I worry more and lately I have been concerned at my willingness to go to the worst case scenario at the slightest provocation. I have spoken previously that I am a recovering alcoholic (11 years sober) and that one of my coping mechanisms to get through life without drinking is to prepare myself for the worst case scenario and know that I will not drink. This has become habitual now and it has gone to a place that I am not comfortable with. If Boo2 sleeps for too long, I worry that the worst has happened and he has died. If JBB is sick (as he was yesterday), I panic that he is fatally sick. If JourneyMan is a few minutes late in coming home that he has had an accident on his bike. I worry that my Mum's health is not good. I worry that my Bestie will find more lumps and won't be so lucky in her diagnosis this time. I worry about all of my people.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">At the heart of it all, I am worried that I will be made pay for the joy that we have in our lives. Every day, I am grateful for my beautiful boys but haven't I learned that on this journey you can't be too happy, or optimistic because at any time the rug can be pulled out from under you? I don't want to live my life in this way and in my heart, I know that it also doesn't matter how much you prepare for something bad happening, you will always feel shock and grief and the other myriad of emotions that go along with the situation. In fact, all it does is make you grieve twice. Once in preparation and once if the actual event occurs. In short, I need to change my coping mechanisms. I am going to see a counsellor again to help me to make this change.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I feel a bit swamped in grief at the moment too. In Australia, Father's day is the first Sunday of September and this year, it has the added bonus of being the day before the anniversary of my Dad's death. That seems a little bit cruel. Advertising for Father's day has already begun and will only get worse as August progresses and already I am in floods of tears when I see any ads as I am reminded that I won't see my Dad again. That he won't pat my beautiful Boo2 on the head and tell me what a miracle he is. That we won't sit and watch a footy game together again, that I won't laugh at one of his stories. When we were around at my Mum and Dad's house the other day, JBB pulled out a little walking toy that he used to follow my Dad around on his walker, we asked him what he used to do with it and he said 'follow Pop around'. I'm glad that he remembers him but how long will this be so? Not for very much longer. They had a touching relationship. Near the end when my Dad was mostly bedridden, JBB would go over to the side of the bed and lean in for Dad to pat him on the head.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I remember the last time I saw him before I went to Thailand for the transfer for Boo2. He put his hands on each of my cheeks and wished me good luck. I cried and I didn't know why because he was okay, I wasn't worried that he would die before I got back, I didn't think he was even close. I still feel bad that I wasn't there to comfort him, to hold his hand and to talk to him. I know that I was where he wanted me to be but still, I feel like I could have helped in some small way. A few months before, we had a good talk. He told me that he knew that he was dying and I asked if he was scared and he said that he was before but that he wasn't anymore, he was ready. I remember my heart clenching in fear at the time, I wasn't ready but I comforted myself that I still had time. I don't regret going to Thailand - how can I? My darling Boo2, who is a shining light in my life came about from that trip, I can't regret it. </span></div>
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<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Somehow the death of my Dad has become mixed up with the final chapter of our journey to our family. I feel that because of both of these events, I will never be the same. I continue to wonder how to move on from the scars of infertility. Do the scars fade like the scars from the c-section. Will I ever stop missing my Dad and crying when I think about him? I don't know the answers to these questions but one thing that the infertility journey has taught me is to take happiness whenever you can and I am so, so lucky to have so much happiness and joy in my life. I need some tools to work through this.</span></div>
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<br />Journey Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13431048965054379161noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1662710784510545022.post-62422486182776334902013-07-21T22:20:00.001+10:002013-07-21T22:20:30.079+10:00Mastitis and Colds + Boo2<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It has been a rough couple of weeks. I had a bout of mastitis which was terrible. It came on very quickly, Boo2 sucked so hard on my breast that he bruised it and a blockage came and then came the mastitis. The fever was brutal, I had to get up in the middle of the night (apart from feeding) to have scalding hot baths so that I could sleep. I felt like I had been hit by a truck and my breast was so, so sore but you have to keep feeding and completely draining it so that the breast can heal. I am a little ashamed to say that I cried a few times breastfeeding it was so painful.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I went to the doctor and got some antibiotics and things improved pretty quickly after that. However, hot on it's heels came a cold for myself, JBB and Boo2. We were all pretty miserable and of course, Boo2 getting was the most worrisome - we listened very carefully for any whooping, which I am hoping that he has escaped from. JourneyMan and I, plus both of our Mum's got immunised for whooping cough (there has been an epidemic in Australia) when JBB was born so there hopefully shouldn't be a high chance of him getting it.</span></div>
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<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Finally, the last few days, I have started to feel better and that has made everything a little easier. I found that I was having a lot of trouble staying patient with JBB during this time, I was just so exhausted. I even went to the doctor to see about post natal depression because I was very worried about myself. I feel a lot better now though, thankfully and whilst, JBB can still push my buttons, I am much more patient with him now. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Now on to Boo2 - he is an awesome kid. So smiley, he started randomly smiling at us at around 5-6 weeks and now he smiles in response to talking, songs and games - it is absolutely amazing. He also goos and gurgles and chortles heaps - it is just so nice. I had to take him to the Children's hospital last week for a follow up on his bronchiolitis that he had back when he was around 6 weeks and they put a camera down his nose to look at his larynx - this was not a good experience for him, he screamed and I had to hold him - I just felt so bad, it was awful for him. He also has to have an overnight sleep study done to make sure that he doesn't have sleep apnoea.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">We also had an appointment with the maternal health nurse at 8 weeks and he is putting on weight like a champ (though still only in the 5th percentile) and she said that he looked the picture of health which was great. The only bad thing was that she heard a click in his hip so he had to have an ultrasound to check that the ball joint is developing okay. He has had the ultrasound but I haven't heard back about it as yet - I am assuming that 'no news is good news' but I will have to give them a call this week.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">In total in the last few weeks, I have been to 2 doctor's appointments for Boo2, a maternal health nurse appointment and 3 doctor's appointments for myself. I have had an Xray, Boo2 has had an ultrasound and camera down his throat and is having a sleep study done tomorrow night. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I am hoping that things settle down in the next few weeks. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The action for our unit is on Saturday - please cross your fingers that we get a buyer and a good price!!</span></div>
Journey Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13431048965054379161noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1662710784510545022.post-17143126463347277082013-07-04T20:29:00.000+10:002013-07-04T20:29:00.029+10:00Breastfeeding<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I had a lot of trouble breastfeeding JBB, my supply was low so he was always topped up with formula. This is despite the fact that I pumped for 40 mins after each feed and I constantly tried to increase my supply but unfortunately, to no avail. I was upset and not upset about this because I felt like I had done everything in my power to give him the best start. I did not want my boy to be hungry, so the formula was a God send. I was able to breastfeed, supplementing for 5 months, I felt good about it.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So, this time, I knew a couple of things - there was no way that I could pump for 40mins after each feed with JBB being a toddler - it would take almost 2 hours by the time I had fed Boo2, settled him and then pumped and this 6-8 times a day - it just was not a viable option. So, I researched milk supply as much as I possibly could and came up with a cocktail of supplements (fenugreek, blessed thistle, brewers yeast and alfalfa) 3 times a day from the day of the c-section. I also breastfed Boo2 exclusively for the first 6 weeks, not missing a feed so as not to affect the supply. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Now at 8 weeks, things seem to be going pretty well, supply is good and Boo2 is starting to fill out. He certainly has grown since the last time we have been to the maternal health nurse - I am looking forward to seeing how much for the two month check up in a few days.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Breastfeeding itself does not come easily to me though. I only feel comfortable at home, there is no way I can breastfeed in public, I am just not that confident. One of the reasons that I am not that confident is that I use a pillow and a nipple protector and I feel really uncomfortable if I don't have those with me. The other issue is that we do the normal hold on the left side but on the right, we always do the football hold and that is virtually impossible out and about. I also don't feel comfortable flashing my bits around to everyone. This is ironic, since after 6 years of IVF treatments and pregnancy, I have flashed my bits to so many strangers that it is beyond count - how can I feel uncomfortable now with something so natural - I don't know, but I do.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I am also not an earth mother, love every minute of breastfeeding, type of woman. I feel vaguely uneasy about it. There is a feeling of claustrophobia when I breastfeed and this is exacerbated because JBB always wants to be kissing and talking to Boo2. Then of course, JourneyDog who is Woolly wants to push his way on to my lap so I feel covered in people. I am a person who likes my own space and these days there are so many beings who are on me, I feel a bit stressed about it.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Don't get me wrong, I am super glad I am able to breastfeed my darling Boo2, he deserves the very best start in life. I just wanted to own up to my feelings over this very natural task. I definitely admire any earth mother warrior who can breastfeed in public, unfortunately, I am just not one of those people.</span></div>
Journey Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13431048965054379161noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1662710784510545022.post-15267164530316137412013-07-01T20:02:00.001+10:002013-07-01T20:02:25.986+10:00JBB<div style="text-align: justify;">
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">JBB is all at once trying my patience and being totally gorgeous. He is most definitely a toddler and is demanding his own way on many things. I try to give him a choice most of the time but there are some non-negotiables (like holding hands in car parks and brushing teeth!!). </span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I have been super proud of how he has taken to being a big brother, he is great - he loves Boo2 heaps. It is amazing to see how he treats him and talks to him - he is really kind and loving to him. He says 'Oh sweetie, what's wrong?', 'It will be okay, sweetie' when Boo2 is crying. Every morning he comes to see him and says 'hello little fella' and gives him a kiss and a hug. I'm proud of how he speaks to Boo2 because he has obviously learned how from us - that makes me feel like we are doing a reasonable job. </span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">He doesn't really have his afternoon sleep much anymore, which makes him very grumpy (and me a bit grumpy too) but 'quiet time' is also a non-negotiable - he spends this in his room and it is always a bit of a battle. I hear him singing songs in there or telling stories, sometimes I hear him call people on his pretend phone. Even though he is supposed to me quiet - it makes me smile when I hear him. My younger sister says he has a case of FOMO (fear of missing out) - I heartily agree.</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: Times; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">He has remained a pretty cautious kid but day care has really helped him to come out of his shell. I took him to the indoor park the other day with some girlfriends and their kids and he really joined in - previously, he would have hung back and asked me to go in with him - last week, he barrelled in on his own and played up a storm with the other kids. Even though on one hand, I feel guilty about him going to day care, on the other, I think that he has a wonderful time and it has really helped him to socialise. Last week, he got put into the kinder room for a little bit as he will be making the transition soon and he was so proud of himself, he told me about it around 10 times.</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">He loves playing with other kids - he absolutely adores all of his cousins. He had a sleepover at my older sisters place on Saturday night and is still talking about how much fun he had. I am looking forward to when Boo2 is walking and they are able to play and have fun together. It makes me so happy that they will both have a built in mate for the rest of their lives - wonderful. I just hope that we can help to nurture a lovely sibling relationship between the two of them.</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">He's at the age where he says funny things and I am sure that JourneyMan and I have bored many people telling him about the cute things that he says and does. He is addicted to porridge at the moment and we always have a couple of flavours on hand. He likes to say 'Which one my want, Mummy?' then he pauses to think 'Ummmmm, that one' - it's a little ritual every morning and it makes both JourneyMan and I smile. Interestingly enough, JBB has all of a sudden I have gone from being 'Mummy' to 'Mum' and now, strangely 'Mumma' - I don't know why.</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">On the other hand, he also can be so frustrating I want to scream. I will ask him to do something and he says 'no' (over and over again). I tell him to stop doing something and he won't. When he goes to bed he wants his cars, his trains, his dummy washed, his nappy changed, his water bottle filled up, he asks for a cuddle, then to be tucked in, then another cuddle and then to be tucked in again. In essence, he is a toddler asserting his independence and most of the time I am proud of that (sometimes I just want to tear my hair out).</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I can't believe that this little boy who I nestled into the small space in my neck, he was so tiny when he was born, is turning 3 next month. What a wonderful 3 years it has been and how time has flown. </span></span></div>
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Journey Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13431048965054379161noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1662710784510545022.post-47403552727945642372013-06-20T09:36:00.003+10:002013-06-20T09:36:48.757+10:00It must be said out loud....<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I am struggling. I feel inadequate. I am worried.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">The past week has been a tough one, not so much for the boys, for me. I am feeling very down about myself. I thought I would have bounced back from the pregnancy, surgery better than I have. I thought I would have more energy than I do. I thought I would feel more like myself. Unfortunately, I don't. One of the biggest concerns is that noise is really affecting me right now - our heater is quite loud and JBB has been yelling a lot, the dog is always barking, Boo2 cries (though not that often I have to admit) - I feel a little bit that I am going crazy from all the noise.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Of course, I am also dead tired - I mean what mother of a newborn isn't? The relentlessness of the feeding, changing and settling is full on. Exhaustion makes so many things much harder, it seems to magnify everything. I know that I have months of this bone crunching exhaustion left.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I also can't help but be upset by things - I think that most of the time that I am overreacting because I am tired. We have been looking at a little book that I made up of JBB's journey - we have been looking to see the similarities between JBB and Boo2. In that book is a picture of my Dad holding JBB and I can't help but get upset that my Dad didn't get to meet Boo2, he would have loved him so much. JBB and my Dad had such a touching relationship but Boo2 will never experience it, it makes me sad. This one sounds really stupid but lately JBB has been saying that he barracks for my husbands footy team - I know that doesn't seem like a big deal to most people but I had such a nice relationship with my Dad about the footy, I wanted to share it with the boys. I know JourneyMan thinks I am crazy but he is JBB's hero - JBB does everything he does. He is the one that gets to play footy with them and he is the hero - I guess I selfishly wanted something for me. I know it's stupid, I will get over it.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I have tried to get on board with my healthy eating and exercise and I had two really good weeks but this past week has been a bit of a disaster. I have been comfort eating a lot because I don't feel great - this has always been a problem for me and it has been exacerbated over the past month. There is a desperation in me to lose this weight, I am the highest weight I have ever been and I am hugely concerned because I want to be a healthy role model for my boys and also around for a long time. I want to be a participant in their lives and not be on the sidelines and for that I need to be fit. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I am also worried about money, I think I am going to have to go back to work earlier than was first thought (after 5 months) and this is so disappointing because I feel like I miss so much when I am at work. I think for the most part, I am a good Mum but the fact that so many other people get to look after my boys and see their firsts brings me down. On the other hand, if I am working, the money worries for us almost disappear and I can relax a lot more. It is such a hard choice.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I find myself not having as much patience that I normally have with JBB and he is certainly testing my patience at the moment. He is also having a bit of a hard time, I think - he has dropped his nap and so is tired all the time and very cranky. He is trying to assert his authority in many ways and has been very mischievous. I feel bad because I want to be giving him the attention that he wants but I also need to be giving Boo2 attention. I hope that we can get back to a good routine soon.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">The weather hasn't been helping, it has been absolutely freezing and raining the whole week so getting outside has been a challenge. I think that we all have a bit of cabin fever at the moment.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">The very hard part about being a Mum is that many times, the things that we do to take care of ourselves, means spending a little time away from our kids. For me, this means that I feel guilty about it and worried that I am missing something. Time goes so fast and I don't want to miss anything.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I had a bit of a break yesterday, I went and had a coffee with my sister and just verbalising my concerns made me feel a lot better. I find that once I put these things out in the world, rather than keeping them inside, I feel a lot better. </span></div>
Journey Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13431048965054379161noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1662710784510545022.post-52808866786077726872013-06-13T22:26:00.000+10:002013-06-13T22:26:03.650+10:00Endings and Beginnings...<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It is pretty hard to get to the computer at the moment, not much time to spare in the Journey house, lots of feeding, changing, sleeping, bathing and trying to be a good parent going on!!</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I went for the 6 week check up with the OB yesterday, the last time that I will see him and all went well. It has been a pretty tough recovery but all the same, I am recovering well. He has been a wonderful, wonderful part of the team who have brought JBB and Boo2 into our lives, he was a lovely calm voice in times of white knuckle fear. He was able to deal with all of my various massive issues with aplomb. He gave us the wonderful gifts of the safe delivery of our sons, I will always be grateful to him. I have been given the all clear to do everything in my life, so I am kicking up my exercise plan a gear so that I can get my fitness back. At one point in my appointment, he did start talking about contraception - seriously, I laughed for a while at that.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I also had my last injection of clexane this week - this was a couple of weeks shy of a year of injections. I cannot wave goodbye to these forever because I still have to have them when I go on long flights but it is only for three days at departure and 3 days at arrival - no biggie after doing these things for years. I am SOOOOO happy that I don't have to have them every day anymore, I was well over them by the end.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I had an unwelcome arrival a couple of weeks ago, my stinking period turned up - this despite breastfeeding exclusively - seriously, what is that, it is absolutely crap. The pain from it was excruciating as well, I was writhing on the floor in the foetal position, it was so bad - worse that the recovery from the c-section. This happened after JBB as well and if it is the same as that, I have almost a year of this ahead of me **sigh**.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Other endings:</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Goodbye 'up the clacker' ultrasounds, I will not miss you</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Goodbye progesterone pessaries and spoilt underwear</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Goodbye fear inducing pregnancies</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Goodbye to handfuls of drugs each day</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Goodbye to cancelling family holidays to have cycles</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Goodbye to putting our lives on hold</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Goodbye to the roller coaster of IVF</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Beginnings:</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">We are thinking of buying land and building a house (eep!!)</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I have started my new healthy lifestyle - I have to get fit to keep up with these two boys</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">We are planning our first 'non-cycle' trip to Thailand (since our honeymoon) in October 2014 - we want the boys to grow up knowing Thailand</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Family life - that is what we are the most excited about - living as a family</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Boo2 update</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">He is an absolute darling. He is finally getting some meat on his bones, he is growing and changing every day - it is a privilege to be his mum. I am exclusively breastfeeding which I am proud of and I know that he is getting enough because he is a very docile, satisfied baby. Of course, I am still not getting that much sleep at night but it's worth it to see him growing and flourishing. He has recovered well from his bronchiolitis but we do have an appointment to see an ear nose and throat specialist because he may have a loose larynx?!?! He gives us a smile now and he loves to vocalise, he is a little talker. He loves time to kick around. He shocked us one night last week when he rolled over though I am pretty sure that was a one off accident at this point. He is very much like his brother but also very different.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">JBB loves his brother, he has been super good with him, always kissing him and wanting to hold him and see him - it is wonderful to see. He has even improved at swimming lessons, putting his ears in the water when floating on his back because Boo2 can do it in the bath. JBB is SO excited for him to grow up and play with him.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I am so proud of my boys, I do feel so, so lucky.</span></div>
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Journey Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13431048965054379161noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1662710784510545022.post-22331578187074750032013-05-29T22:14:00.002+10:002013-05-29T22:14:36.404+10:00A trip to the hospital..<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">We are definitely mired in that first 6 weeks of feeding, sleeping, waking, changing nappies and repeat and repeat again. The days have run into each other and whilst I have a million posts running around in my mind, I haven't really had much chance to get on the computer and report what is going on in our lives but mostly it has been dealing in the business of a newborn. I definitely have found myself enjoying it a lot more this time, I know that it is the last time and it is worth taking the time to pay attention and soak in the experience while it lasts. Sometimes this can be challenging because there is the serious sleep deprivation but that is normal and at least this time I know that it will end at some point.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Our darling Boo2 caught a virus from JBB and had laboured breathing the other night so we rang the nurses on call and they advised us to go to the hospital. We took him to to the royal children's and as usual, they were wonderful. We had to stay the night so that they could observe his breathing and what was happening. As it turns out, he had bronchiolitis and that was why he was unsettled and his breathing was laboured.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">We were able to check out by late morning as they found that he was getting better as time went on, he does make a strange sound when he is breathing so he has been referred to an ear nose and throat consultant - we are waiting to see when our appointment will be. We also had a follow up appointment with our GP today and thankfully, she gave our little darling the all clear.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">It has been an emotionally, physically and mentally draining week. There was a lot of dejavu in going to the children's because it was where we had to take JBB when he had the Kawasaki disease. The fear was palpable and I felt sick that my boy was in trouble.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">So much of parenting for me is worry and fear and it is something that I am going to have to learn how to control. My family is absolutely everything to me and the thought of anything happening to it, scares the hell out of me. With great joy and love also comes great risk to your heart. It is absolutely worth the risk, but scary none the less.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Thankfully, both of my boys are great - I love them dearly, they saturate me in happiness.</span></div>
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Journey Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13431048965054379161noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1662710784510545022.post-87500836273165498382013-05-16T22:09:00.001+10:002013-05-16T22:09:54.942+10:00Two Weeks<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Our Tiny Boo2 is two weeks old, I am amazed that the time has gone so fast. He is feeding so well and I am really happy that I have plenty of milk for him as well - with JBB we needed to top him up every night with formula but we don't have to do that with Boo2. We have an appointment with the maternal health nurse tomorrow so I am looking forward to a good weight gain. A girlfriend who was due on the same day as I was had her baby a couple of days ago, also a boy but he was almost double Boo2's weight at birth. Boo2 was in 00000 clothes when he was born but he is already too long for those now - he is very, very skinny (but very healthy, thank goodness!!). I'm thankful every day that they got him out a little earlier since he had stopped growing. He is one hungry kid, let me tell you.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">He is a pretty chilled out baby, eats well, sleeps well and has a little chat (aaaaah) when he is awake. He has quite an intense stare and he likes to check out everything around him when he is awake. I am feeding on demand and he usually goes around 3-4 hours between feeds, sometimes (like yesterday) he will go through a cluster of 3-4 feeds in around 4 or 5 hours.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">It is taking me a long time to recover from the c-section, there is still quite a bit of pain and it feels like such a longer road back to health this time. I also am very concerned about my weight - I definitely need to start losing some weight as it got out of control during the pregnancy. This is hugely important to me because I am an older mother, I need to be in tip top shape to be able to chase after my boys but also to be there as long as possible in their lives. I hope to be around and fit enough to enjoy being a grandmother but that will mean that I need to be in absolute top fitness (i.e. if they wait until they are in their 30's to have kids, I will be in my 70's - eeep!!!).</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">JBB is an awesome big brother, he is so gentle with Boo2 and loves to give him kisses and hold him. I am so proud of him. We did have a rough time last week because he was way out of his routine and wasn't having his afternoon sleeps so we were in tantrum city. Thankfully this week, he is back having his afternoon sleeps again and we have a much more harmonious household. It is great to have JourneyMan at home to help out with the two of them as I definitely would be struggling if I was on my own since I can't pick up JBB at the moment because of the c-section.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Last week, I was feeling pretty low because JBB was having lots of tantrums and I felt like all I was doing was telling him off. Now we are in a bit of a better routine and we are now back to having lots of cuddles and I make sure that I spend some one on one time with him every day.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">The hormones have gotten to me a bit as well. Last week JBB said that one of his friends at daycare had told him to 'go away' and I burst into tears. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">It is interesting though what a difference experience makes. With JBB I was pretty stressed out because I didn't have enough milk for him and had to top him up with formula. I also was really shocked at the relentlessness of getting up every 2-4 hours to feed, it was quite a change to how our lives were before and of course, nothing could prepare you for how that was. This time, I am tired but for the most part it is just something I do. I think that the hardest thing that I have dealt with over the past 3 years is when JBB got sick. Those weeks were the worst of my life. I was up for almost a week without sleep as I was holding him whilst he whimpered with pain for days on end. If I dozed off, I would wake up and rediscover that the nightmare was still real. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I think that the experience of that terrifying time has given me really good perspective. I hear Boo2 crying with hunger and whilst I am tired, I am also happy to get up and give him some food. It's a time that I am relishing being with him, just him and me. It is the last time that I will be breastfeeding a newborn so I am enjoying every minute. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Two weeks, where does the time go?</span></div>
Journey Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13431048965054379161noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1662710784510545022.post-88489309781717793572013-05-10T19:22:00.002+10:002013-05-10T19:22:42.224+10:00Amnesia<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Last Thursdsay, I was 100% certain that I could not endure another cycle, another pregnancy or another c-section. Today, I feel different. I feel like I could endure any pain to have another gorgeous baby like JBB or Boo2 again. I look at Boo2 as many minutes as I can in every day, I drink in his baby scent, I memorise every line of his face, I laugh at every cute face that he pulls in his sleep - I am besotted, in love, over the moon to have him in our lives. With each minute that I look at Boo2, the memory of the uncertainty, pain, worry and fear of the cycle, pregnancy and birth of him is wiped away, leaving only love and joy.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I get that this is nature's way of getting you to go back and have more children, to ensure the population of our species. I am just amazed at how efficiently this phenomenon has worked with me. It is quite funny because after the birth of JBB, the most I remembered about the pain was that the first day getting up and into the shower after the c-section was the worst but I always added in my mind 'it wasn't that bad'. Then last week when I had to do it again, it felt way, way worse than I remembered it - I felt like I was in agony. Today, I think back and think, it's only really one bad day, you can easily get through that (despite the fact that I am still in a good amount of pain now)!!</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Don't get me wrong, I haven't changed my mind about wanting to go back, I remember enough to not want to put our lives on hold any longer. I would love to try for a girl but it is more important for me to enjoy every day with my boys, to walk into our future as a whole family, no regrets and that is what I absolutely intend to do. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">So, whilst I can intellectually remember that it was a difficult pregnancy and birth, I have this little gorgeous reminder that I look at as much as possible every day and I think 'worth it'.</span><br />
<br />
<br />Journey Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13431048965054379161noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1662710784510545022.post-81889304541090991042013-05-05T22:05:00.000+10:002013-05-05T22:05:30.497+10:00The first day of the rest of our lives.....
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<span lang="EN-US"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I have dreamed of a day where my family is
complete.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In this dream, there are no
cycles, there are no holidays that involve IVF or procedures.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There is no fear that our family will never
been complete, there is no fear that we will never be able to get ahead
financially because we are constantly paying for cycles.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Instead there are the little things.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Feeding the new baby.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Saving for a family holiday.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Considering where to move to so that we can send
our boys to the best schools.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Hugs and
kisses.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Baths and sitting down to dinner
as a family.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Considering how to raise
the best human beings possible.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Swimming
lessons.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Football games.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Going to the park.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A normal life.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">That day for us is tomorrow.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>JourneyMan will come and pick me and Boo2 up
from the hospital and we will go home to our family, we will go home to the
rest of our lives.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We are the luckiest
people in the world.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">We will leave behind cycles and IVF and
they will no longer exist in our present but our Donor Eggs Journey
continues.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Our boys are from a Thai egg
donor and that doesn’t change because we are finished with cycles.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This journey continues for the rest of their
lives.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Every day, we consider how to
ensure that they know that they are loved, that they were the most wanted kids
on earth.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We prepare ourselves for the
questions that the boys may ask and we keep as much information on the donor as
we have so that should they want to access it or go to see her, they will be
able to.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">It is interesting to me that when JBB was
born, people talking about who he looked like hurt me because it would never be
about him looking like me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I healed from
that experience though because this time when people have been discussing Boo2
and who he looks like, I haven’t felt hurt at all, it means nothing to me –
indeed, I have been the one instigating those discussions more.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">So, tomorrow, we will gladly move on from
our IVF and cycle based existence toward our future.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We will not forget what has gone before
because it has shaped who we are today.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Our donor egg journey continues as our boys reach each stage of their
lives – I am interested to see how they will respond to their story.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">For me, I continue to feel that I am living
in my most sought after dreams.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am the
luckiest of the lucky.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I cannot be any
more grateful for everything that we have.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Thank you to all of you who have come with us on our journey, your
comments have been a source of great comfort over the past few years, I
appreciate each and every one of you.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I hope that you continue to share JBB and
Boo2’s journey!!! </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<!--EndFragment-->Journey Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13431048965054379161noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1662710784510545022.post-17109084110896834362013-05-04T09:56:00.001+10:002013-05-04T09:56:07.468+10:00Boo2's Arrival....
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<span lang="EN-US"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">We have met our beautiful Boo2 and he is
every bit as delightful as promised!!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He
arrived on 2 May 2013 at 11:45am, weighing 2.7kg.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He is small but, thankfully, healthy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Here is the story of how he arrived.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Unsurprisingly, I did not sleep well the
night before the Ceasar, I got to sleep okay but I woke up at around 3am and
couldn’t get back to sleep until 5:30am and that was only for an hour.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In that time, I couldn’t help but think about
my Dad and how Boo2 is his first grandchild that he won’t meet.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had a bit of a cry – I miss Dad,.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">JourneyMan dropped JBB and JourneyDog off
at my Mum’s place and then headed in to the hospital where we began the big
wait.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I got my gown to wear and JourneyMan was in
scrubs and then they took us down to the surgery area.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>By this time, I was so nervous, I thought I
was going to vomit.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The thought of the
spinal was making me so fearful, I didn’t really worry about the actual Ceasarean
but I really felt sick abou the spinal.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Finally it was our time to go in,
JourneyMan had to wait outside while I got the spinal and although I didn’t get
the electric shocks down my legs (thank goodness), it still was very painful
and uncomfortable.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The hardest part was
keeping myself hunched over while they poked and prodded my back, I felt like
it was really hard to breath.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Finally it was done (for the last time,
hurrah!!) and they helped me to lie down and put up the curtain.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>JourneyMan came in at this point.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is such a scary thing that you can feel
every touch but not any pain.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I could
feel when they opened me up but it was not painful.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I could feel all the pushes and pulls and
everything like that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>At one point I
started to feel nauseous so they gave me some anti nausea medication and I felt
better immediately.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">After around 7 short minutes, they
announced that Boo2 was just about to be born and sure enough, the next noise I
heard was his crying – I started crying immediately, I was filled with absolute
and utter joy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">They took him away straight away to clean
him off and clear his airway, JourneyMan went with them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was left alone with the doctors stitching
me up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I started to feel very sick when
they took out the placenta and unfortunately had a vomit.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They gave me some more anti nausea medication
and I started to feel better again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">After awhile, I noticed that they were
taking a huge amount of time with Boo2 and I couldn’t hear him – immediately, I
started to panic.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I look around the room
for JourneyMan and he smiled and let me know it was okay.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The pediatrician came over and said that Boo2
was born with a large skin tag on his arm and that he had tied it off and that
it would drop off over the next week or so.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Other than that, he was absolutely perfectly healthy – a huge relief!!<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Very quickly it was all over and we were
all being wheeled to recovery.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In
recovery, I was able to get the skin on skin time and it was wonderful.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I felt like we were only in recovery for a blink
of an eye and then we went back to the room.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The rest of night passed with me still in
the bed, I didn’t start to get the feeling back until late afternoon and then I
started feeling some serious pain.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The pain was nothing compared to the
complete, unadulterated joy that I felt just having our darling Boo2 with
us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was quite a different feeling
than with JBB, really mainly because with JBB I didn’t know what the hell I was
doing or what to expect.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This time I
feel reasonably confident that we<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>know
how to care for a newborn.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">After 9 months of worry, after 6 years of fertility
treatments, after operation after operation, drugs, acupuncture, complimentary
therapies coming out of our ears – our family is complete and it is amazingly beautiful.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">There are no words for how happy I am,
there are no words for how lucky I feel.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I am absolutely grateful that our boy is
finally here – thank you everyone for your support and comments. </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<!--EndFragment-->Journey Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13431048965054379161noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1662710784510545022.post-49609591780075094882013-05-01T20:32:00.001+10:002013-05-01T20:32:24.702+10:00Tomorrow....
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<!--StartFragment-->
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So, yesterday Boo2 stopped moving much
again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I tried all the tricks to get him
moving, pushing and poking, cold drinks, sugary drinks, changing position to
one I know he doesn’t like but nothing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I called the OB’s after hours number at about 9:30pm because I was
getting really worried, normally at that time, he is quite active and kicking
but still, nothing.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The OB (who happened to be the fill in OB
that I had had the issue with previously) said to go into labour and delivery
immediately to have him monitored so we called my Mum and she came over to sit
in the house with JBB asleep and we drove in to the hospital.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Once we were in, the monitoring went pretty
quickly and I felt like little Boo2 had made a bit of a mockery of me as he
started moving when we were there.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was
hugely relieved because previously, there had been nothing I could do to raise
him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The fill in OB said that if the
monitoring went well, we could go straight home and she would inform our normal
OB of what had happened in the morning.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So, this morning I got a call from the OB
saying that it was time to get this kid out, even though the monitoring was
fine, he was concerned that this reduction in movement was recurring.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He said he would see if he could find a time
over the next day or so to get him out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Then I got a call from his office saying that there was a space
available at 3:30pm and could we get to the hospital at 1pm.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Then everything went into overdrive, I
called JourneyMan and told him to get his bum home, called my Mum to see if she
could take care of JBB for the day and the night.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My sister also came over to help out so I
could at least get in the bath and wash my horrible hair (she also straightened
it for me, bless her!).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Finally,
JourneyMan and I headed off to the hospital and we waited for our room to
become available.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">After awhile, I got a call from my OB and
he had talked to the anaesthetist and that we couldn’t go ahead with the
Caesarean today because I had had a needle of Clexane last night and they
needed to wait a bit longer to get it out of my system.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They did want me to stay in the hospital
though so that they could monitor the baby to make sure that all is good. So, we will meet our little man tomorrow.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So that is where I am now, at the hospital,
being pregnant for my last ever night and looking forward to seeing my new
little man tomorrow.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>JourneyMan was here
with me but had to go home to look after JBB, so he won’t be back until
tomorrow morning.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My Bestie dropped in
on her way home from work and spent a few hours with me and it was great to
just talk, really great.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">There are a lot of feelings going through
me at the moment.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Relief that I will see
my little man soon, grief that my Dad isn’t going to be here to see him,
excitement that our family will soon be complete, fear for the Caesarean
tomorrow.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I am in awe that this brings to an end our
journey through infertility.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Have we
beaten it and won?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I would more consider
that it is a happy truce.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Infertility
kicked us hard but we fought to be parents and that is who we are today.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am sure it is who I was born to be.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There have been many participants along our
road, fertility specialists both in Australia and Thailand, nurses, patient coordinators,
sonographers, obstetricians, our whole team in Thailand, our beautiful,
generous donor and family and friends.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It has taken a lot of people to get to this point and there are more
that will help bring Boo2 into the world tomorrow.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">There are no words to thank all of these
people who have helped realize this precious dream.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My heart is overwhelmed with the gratitude
that I feel for each and every person who has helped us.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">To my darling Boo2:<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I have dreamt of you, I have felt you move,
I have travelled thousands of miles to have you, I have done everything I can
to ensure your safe entry into the world, you are wanted in every way possible,
you are my boy and I love you already, even though I haven’t seen your face
yet.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sweetheart, I can’t wait until you
are in my arms tomorrow, I won’t ever want to let you go.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Here is your song:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Credit – ‘In my Life’ The Beatles, The Red
Album<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #545454; font-size: 14pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">All my life though some have
changed<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #545454; font-size: 14pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Some forever not for better<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #545454; font-size: 14pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Some have gone and some remain<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #545454; font-size: 14pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">All these places had their moments<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #545454; font-size: 14pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">With lovers and friends I still can
recall<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #545454; font-size: 14pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Some are dead and some are living<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #545454; font-size: 14pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">In my life I've loved them all<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #545454; font-size: 14pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But of all these friends and lovers<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #545454; font-size: 14pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">There is no one compares with you<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #545454; font-size: 14pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And these memories lose their
meaning<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #545454; font-size: 14pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">When I think of love as something
new<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #545454; font-size: 14pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Though I know I'll never lose
affection<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #545454; font-size: 14pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">For people and things that went
before<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #545454; font-size: 14pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I know I'll often stop and think
about them<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #545454; font-size: 14pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">In my life I love you more<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #545454; font-size: 14pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Though I know I'll never lose
affection<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #545454; font-size: 14pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">For people and things that went
before<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #545454; font-size: 14pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I know I'll often stop and think
about them<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #545454; font-size: 14pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">In my life I love you more<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #545454; font-size: 14pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">In my life I love you more<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #545454; font-size: 14pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I know I'll often stop and think
about them<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #545454; font-size: 14pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">In my life I love you more<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #545454; font-size: 14pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">In my life I love you more</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<!--EndFragment-->Journey Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13431048965054379161noreply@blogger.com8