3 more sleeps!!

Gosh, so very, very close now - how can I be more excited, I definitely can't, that's for sure - I am so excited to see our JBB!! Thank you to you all for your lovely comments - they mean so much to me!!

Sleep is at a premium right now (and no doubt from Thursday as well!!) even though I don't need to get up to go to the loo, I am having a tough time getting comfortable and I am waking up every 1-2 hours so the quality is not quite there. Oh well - only three of those left anyone and I am still going to be pretty uncomfortable sleeping after the ceasar, I guess so I will just have to suck it up. I do normally sleep on my back so I am looking forward to being able to do that again.

I had a very restful day yesterday, mainly reading and watching trashy TV which was nice then JourneyMan and I went to the movies which was really fun. Today, I did a massive housecleaning and did all of the washing so there really is barely a cracker to do for the next few days!

Tomorrow, I am taking my Mum, older sister and Auntie to the movies, out to lunch and then we have been given free birthday vouchers (all of our birthday's are in August - in fact, I am having JBB on my older sisters' birthday - she loves it!!) for facials - it should be a wonderfully relaxing and fun day!! On Wednesday, I am going out to a friends place for a girls lunch which should be fabulous though I don't know if I will be too tired after tomorrow, we shall see!!

Well, I am off to bed to get a really good night's sleep before the big day tomorrow!!

Whoo hooo - not long to go now!

5 more sleeps!!

The countdown is in full force!! Only 5 more sleeps to go, I am very, very excited!! I am also a little uncomfortable but that's okay, not long to go now!! At the last OB appointment on Monday, the doctor told me that I may have to have a classical ceasar - which means that the skin scar will be horizontal but the cut on my uterus will be vertical. He hopes to be able to do the horizontal incision on my uterus as well but may have to do the vertical due to the shape of my uterus - boooo. The effects of this are: the incision is harder to repair and is more likely to rupture in future pregnancies (OB said that they wouldn't let me go past 37 weeks in any future pregnancy) and more bleeding can result. I am very much hoping that he can do the horizontal incision on the uterus. I am trying not to worry too much about the operation part of the birth and focus on the result, the lovely JBB.

I had a lovely day with my bestie yesterday, we bobbed around in the pool for awhile chatting before we had a facial and then a delicious lunch - it was a wonderful day! I ended up going to the footy last night and JourneyMan, the fabulous husband, dropped us off and picked us up at the gate which made our lives much, much easier!! I am absolutely exhausted today so am having another day on the couch to rest up. I have a few fun things planned over the next few days, movie with JourneyMan and then lunch, movies and free facials with my mum, sister and auntie on Tuesday which should be fabulous!! I am busy, but not too busy which is really nice - I am making the most of the last few days of a child free life though I am very, very much looking forward to our lives changing forever in 5 short days - whoo hoo!!

One week to go!!!

Holy cow, people we are getting close now!! At this time in a week, our gorgeous JBB will be here and in our arms - whoo hooo, soooooo excited!!!

I am having a big rest day today, yesterday my Mum and older sister came over to help me out with the cookup and we did enough meals to last us for 3 weeks, the freezers are all completely full with healthy, nutritious meals - yay!! Gosh, it was a looooooonnnng day though and I was absolutely exhausted by the end of it. I also had some pretty bad cramps which made me a bit nervous but they were braxton hicks I believe - my sister and Mum said I would know if it was labour and thankfully they were right because it went away by the night.

So, today I am hitting the couch hard core to get some serious rest in. I have a busy day tommorow as I am off for a swim, facial and lunch with my bestie - I am really looking forward to spending the day with her - we used to travel together all of the time and when we were away we would float for hours in the pools just chatting - that's what I am really looking forward to, floating around, chatting with my mate!!

Tomorrow night I am off to the footy and then I don't have a huge amount planned for the weekend, just the market and brunch on Saturday and then some more couch time on Sunday.

I am all ready now. The hospital bag is all packed (though JourneyMan needs to pack his items!!), the house is ready, we are ready!!

Let the countdown begin - 7 more sleeps to go!!

The birthday festival!

It was my 39th birthday on Friday - it is very hard for me to say 39th because I am a little in the horrors that this is the last year of my 30's - what the?!?! Where has the time gone? One strange thing about turning 40 next year is that I remember very clearly the surprise party that my Dad threw for my Mum's 40th birthday - again, what the?!?!? My Mum had had four children before she turned 30 and I haven't even had my first and I am 39. Oh well, they do say that 40 is the new 30 - I will have to take the whole year to get used to that I tell you!!

Anyway - I had a lovely weekend. Friday was very nice - JourneyMan woke me up early on Friday to give me my presents - a book that I had wanted and one of those blankets with sleeves. These were perfect presents for me - I love anything that keeps me warm and comfortable and I looooooooove books so it was a very lovely start to the day. My Mum and I went out for brunch, as her birthday was on Saturday. As previously posted, we very nearly had 3 generations on the one day as my Mum's Mum birthday was also on the 7th August - we had a good chat at brunch remembering her, I miss her so much. It is such a shame that she never got to meet JBB.

On Friday night, we had a family dinner out for mine and Mum's birthday at a dumpling place that we had heard was good (I hate to say it, it was very disappointing) and it was great to catch up with everyone. On Saturday I went to the market with my Mum and sisters as usual though I had to get way more food as I am doing a big cookup of meals on Wednesday to put in the freezer (I am also getting a small additional freezer) for when JBB is born - it will be nice to have home cooked, healthy food only a microwave heating away - I brought about 3 weeks worth of food and my older sister is coming over on Wednesday to help out with the cookup!!

On Saturday night I went to the footy and happily my team won - whooo hooo!! Today (Sunday) - I had a very restful day watching some TV, reading and then JourneyMan took me out for a lovely dinner. It has been a fabulous birthday!!

Tomorrow, I MUST get my bag for the hospital finished and packed (I have been saying that for 2 weeks!!) and give the house a good cleaning!!

Hope you all had a great weekend! Only 11 days to go - whoo hoo!!

12 months of blogging!

I have realised (belatedly) that I have now been blogging for more than 12 months - wow, that has gone really quickly!! I thought that in honour of my 12 months of blogging, I would do a bit of a review of the last 12 months because, well - so much has happened!!

This time 12 months ago:

We had just had our 5th IVF cycle cancelled due to no response. I was devastated as I had lost almost 50kg's in the preceding 12 months through lap band surgery and thought that the weight loss would make some kind of difference. Unfortunately it didn't.

One day after I had cried my heart out, I reviewed the 5 cycles that we had had and I realised that I had to face facts. I had only achieved 3 embryo's and had in total 9 eggs retrieved from the 5 cycles that it was doubtful that I would achieve a pregnancy with my own eggs. This realisation triggered off a bout of grief for my own biological child. It took me awhile to come to terms with this fact but I already had a new plan in mind.

I had researched donor egg cycles in Thailand (and other locations around the world) earlier in the year but had not talked to JourneyMan about the option. I just couldn't face the wait of 2-3 years on the donor waiting lists in Australia or did not like the thought of asking friends and family to be donors. I aprehensively brought up the plan to JourneyMan and found him completely supportive. We were a go for launch!!

Emotionally, I was a wreck - I felt like I was in a glass bubble, I couldn't relate to people anymore. I hardly saw my friends and my family had let me down with flippant responses to my pain. Through all of my emotional turmoil though, I had JourneyMan, JourneyDog and my bestie who saved me - they were my soft place to fall and even if they couldn't understand what I was going through, they supported me without fail. They saved me and I am forever grateful.

I decided to document the momental cycle of going to Thailand to utilise donor eggs because when I was researching, I tried to find a blog to read of someone who did it - I felt sure that there would be someone but there wasn't so I decided to create it myself. I was amazed by the catharsis the blog brought me and even more amazed by the friends that I have made - it has been wonderful.

The plan felt like such a gamble as I was only able to transfer one embryo (due to the shape of my uterus) but I thought that I would try absolutely everything I could to make the cycle successful.I drank fertility tea daily, I did castor oil packs every second day, I had acupuncture every week, I detoxed my body as much as I could, I took handfuls of vitamins daily, I listened to a fertility cd every night, all night, I exercised sensibly, I even avoided peas because I had read that they were a natural contraceptive!! In short, I was obsessed with making this cycle successful.

Our house was a debacle because we didn't dare spend any money on renovating because our money was all going to our cycles and trip to Thailand. It was a horrible place to live and JourneyMan got very sick of me whinging 'I hate this place!!!'.

Fast forward to Christmas day and we got the best most wished for present of all, a positive pregnancy test - it was a wonderful, wonderful day. Now with only 2 weeks to go until I am holding my JourneyBabyBoy in my arms our lives have changed exponetially.

And now:

We are preparing ourselves to be parents, 12 months ago, I couldn't even hope that this day would happen - I dared not let myself think of what it would be like. For the record, it is wonderful, scary, exciting and daunting!!

I have started to come back to myself. I thought that this would happen immediately but the transition back into the world was not as easy as I thought it was going to be. This week I had 8 girlfriends around with their children for lunch - it was lovely and I enjoyed myself in a group again, I feel a little bit normal!!

The house has been renovated, new kitchen, new floors, central heating, painted all throughout and of course, we now have a nursery fully ready and available for our darling boy to come home to. I LOVE our house now - it is wonderful to wake up in the morning to see how beautiful it is.

I have always felt blessed to have found JourneyMan, I am SOOO happy to be able to make him a dad and despite the fact that when we met he was not fussed about whether he had children or not, I know that he will make a wonderful father. I am lucky enough to have a wonderful family (despite them annoying the heck out of me occassionally) and brilliant friends (especially my bestie) and let's not forget my wonderful JourneyDog who is precious to me. The past 12 months have been kind to me and I am so very grateful for all of the blessings that I had over this time - I am very, very lucky.

I want to say thank you to all of you who read my blatherings and would especially like to say thanks to all of you who have offered your support through comments throughout the past 12 months, it has been absolutely invaluable to me!!

To those of you who are amidst your journey and are still waiting for your BFP, don't give up, your life can turn around in an instant and I hope it does!

We're ready (and computer is back - whoo hoo!!)

Hurrah people - we have the computer back!! I am SOOOOO happy - now I can catch up on what you are all doing and can let you know everything that is on my mind!! Yay!!!

We are now ready. The kitchen is absolutely completed and the house is pretty much done. There are only a few small issues to fix up and they will be completed this week!! I am SOOOOOO happy with the renovations, the house is now beautiful and lovely and clean!! JBB's room is all ready for him to come back from the hospital too! We have a little gate on the door so that Journey Dog who is Woolly can stay out of the room but see what is going on in there. The car seat is all ready in the car, even the cradle has been all made up!

I have another OB appointment tomorrow that hopefully everything will still be going well and I have some girlfriends coming around for lunch this week which should be wonderful. I haven't had many friends around for a long time because the house couldn't really cope with more than one or two visitors at a time - there will be 7 friends coming over with 1-2 children each so the house will definitely be put under some pressure!! It should be a good fun week, I hope!

Sweet relief & the wonderful benefits of a unicornuate uterus!!

After a practically sleepless night on Monday night, I called the dentist on Tuesday morning to beg for an appointment. Thankfully I went in at 4:30pm and they started the root canal, taking out the nerve in the tooth. Honestly, the pain I was in on Monday night and Tuesday was absolutely horrendous, I despaired of ever feeling good again.

The actual dental work was not my favourite thing either but the sweet, sweet relief last night was amazing and to wake up this morning after sleeping the whole night and being pain free, well it felt like a miracle - I am back to myself again, whoo hoo!!

Now despite a lot of whinging that I do on this blog, I am a pretty positive person, I do like to find the positive in every situation. Now, I have found the positive of having a unicornuate uterus - yeah!! I have been waiting for the 3rd trimester pressure on my bladder but it has not come, I figure it is because JBB and the uterus is pretty much situated all on my left hand side which has caused no pressure on the bladder. This is a beautiful thing because I can generally sleep the whole night through without a bathroom stop - whooo hooo - go the unicornuate uterus!!!

Hell in a handbasket....

Well after everything being rosy, it has all turned to complete shite. Over the weekend, I developed a toothache that has reached gargatuan proportions. I had to go to an emergency dentist yesterday and I am booked in for a root canal on Thursday. In the meantime they have given me some antibiotics to deal with the infection and some strong painkillers (approved by the OB) but the pain killers are not even touching the pain. I have been writhing in agony today. I was hoping to have gotten a lot done but all I did was a lot of lying around trying not to think about going and getting some pliers and pulling out the tooth because it is so painful.

On top of that, every time I ate or drank this morning, I threw up. Now let me tell you, I am a total iron guts - I don't throw up - even with the morning sickness, I felt nauseous but didn't really ever throw up. So I am completely misery guts tonight and feeling very sorry for myself.

I absolutely hate, hate, hate the dentist but I tell you if I could get an appointment tomorrow, I would - the pain is phenomenal. Okay, will stop whinging now - need to sign off and lie down.

Catch up!!

Hi Gang,

Sorry to have been absent for such a long time - I was very, very busy over the past couple of weeks finishing up work. I finished work last Friday and had to give back my work lap top and now (of course) the home computer has died - I have had to come over to my Mum and Dad's place to logon - it is like having my arm removed having no computer - who knew I was so reliant on it!!

So, the last 2 weeks of work were ultra, ultra hectic - I had to handover all of my projects but it was also nice because there were a couple of lunches that I got to go to because of projects finishing - it was really lovely. I was really looking forward to work finishing to spend some time getting ready and relaxing before JBB makes his appearance and we are thrown headlong into parenthood.

The last few days have been absolutely bliss not having the alarm on to wake me up early and taking my time to potter around the house getting things done. We still had alot to unpack from when the floorboards were polished so I have been taking my time each day and organising one room at a time and giving it a good thorough cleaning. I probably went a bit overboard as I worked all day and my back was killing me by last night so I am having a bit more of a restful day today though I have come over to my mum and dad's place to escape the work in the house (my uncle is doing the painting in the kitchen - I was going to do it myself but it was all a bit too much).

My mum and I are going to head out to the shops to get few final things for JBB and my hospital bag because tomorrow I am going to work on getting the nursery organised (need to hang some curtains, pain the change table, finishing up washing his clothes etc), pack my bag for the hospital and also organise the nappy bag - I am really looking forward to doing all this stuff!!

Oh - it was absolutely fantastic over the weekend because JourneyMan and I went away for a 'Baby Moon' - of course, Journey Dog who is Woolly also came along and it was probably one of the best weekends that I have ever had!! It was so relaxing, the place that we stayed at was beautiful and cosy and JourneyMan and I had some lovely long chats about all of the upcoming changes in our lives - I have to say, I can't remember being happier in my life than I am right now.

On Monday, I had an appointment with the OB and he said that everything was going 'perfectly' and that both Journey Baby Boy and I were progressing wonderfully. I hope that this continues over the next weeks - wow, only 4 weeks tomorrow until we meet our gorgeous little boy!!

I have SOOOOOO much catching up on blogs to do - I am very sorry that I haven't been reading and commenting - I hope we can get our computer fixed asap so that I can see what everyone is up to!!

The Baby Shower

Well the much dreaded and panicked over baby shower was yesterday and it was a really, really wonderful day. I am SOOOOO glad that I had it and didn't let my neurosis rule my life. My family and friends were so wonderful and generous, I am completely touched.

The lead up week to the shower was pretty full on. We moved back home to our house on Tuesday night and we still have not completely unpacked the house. I have let go of my need to have absolutely everything perfect by the time that I finish work - basically because it is impossible but also because I would be pushed to the limit to do so. The people at work finally realised that I am finishing next Friday and they all went into a panic and have been asking me to help out with heaps of extra stuff. I have realised that my last week is going to be a hectic one and then hopefully I will have 5 weeks of relaxing and pottering around the house getting ready for the arrival of Riley.

Friday was a pretty busy day, I was up early to have my 32 week scan and happily, JBB is going along fantastically. He is growing extremely well - indeed he already weighs 4lbs, 5 oz's - whoo hoo! Everything was great so I am absolutely over the moon! The rest of Friday I spent getting my hair cut and coloured (I feel so much better!) and cooking up a storm with my mum for the baby shower.

On Saturday, we went to the market to get a few last things for the shower, so I was up early and then I headed home, quickly got ready and went over to help my mum with the last preparations. My bestie and older sister also came along to help out getting everything done and then everyone started arriving at 1pm. It was lovely to catch up with everyone and I was really overwhelmed by their generosity.

My mum said to me - how amazing is it that this is your baby shower? - and it was, totally amazing. I couldn't help but think of the many other baby showers that I had been to and cried on the way home, wishing it was me. In my heart, I always knew that I would have a baby shower for me and my forthcoming child - I knew that I wouldn't stop until I was holding my own baby in my arms, regardless of how they would get there - donor eggs, surrogacy, adoption. It was a wonderful day, one of the best days. It means so much to me that I could celebrate the the joy of welcoming JBB into our lives with the people that mean so much to me. I felt a little bit more of myself again and the joy of it is completely overwhelming.

I am lucky and blessed, I absolutely know this. I have read back over some of my past posts and realise that I have been fairly negative about the pregnancy. This is not actually how I feel, I have had worries, yes but there has never been one moment that I have not been amazed and grateful at being able to experience this pregnancy myself - I guess that may have not come across as I have used the blog mainly to vent my frustrations.

There is less than 6 weeks to go of this pregnancy and I am determined to enjoy every last minute of it.

Excitement!!

I have started to get really, really excited now! There is so much going on and so much still left to do but I have started to allow myself to really get excited now. I say 'allow myself' because most of the time during the pregnancy I have put the stoppers on the excitement. Firstly, I wanted to get to 12 weeks before I could get excited, then I wanted to get to 20 weeks because that seemed like a good milestone. Then I was aiming for 29 weeks because 90% of babies survive if they are born at this point, now I am 31 weeks and I feel like I can finally get excited about our little JBB.

Alot of this is because of a conversation that I had with another contractor at work, his wife is 4 weeks behind me and last week he was very happy that they had reached the 3rd trimester. He also said that he realised that the worrying doesn't stop about the baby for the rest of his life now and that really set a light bulb off in my head. I am never going to stop worrying that something may happen to our JBB but I am now not going to stop me getting excited about meeting him and taking care of him. I am sure that most of you are thinking '**sigh**, about time!!' and I wouldn't blame you, gosh, I have been doom and gloom alot throughout this pregnancy - grateful - yes, cautiously optimistic - yes but happy and excited - well, that has just kicked in now - better late than never hey!! I am going to have to make the most of every minute over the next 6 and a half weeks until our precious little bundle is born!

In other news, we are still living at my Mum and Dad's place, we are back in our own place tomorrow (yay!!). It hasn't been as bad as I thought it was going to be but all the same - I will be happy to have my own space back again! It has been pretty restful not thinking 'I have to do this and this and this' every minute of the day and the weekend was pretty cruisy, thank goodness. There is still quite a bit to do at our house, though most of the big things have been done - the backyard is a bit of a bugger though - I have to see what we can do there quite quickly. I am hoping to get the painting in the kitchen done by the end of this week and hopefully the kitchen floating floors and the last few items can be finished by the end of next week, that would be fabulous! I only have 2 weeks of work left and I am looking forward to finishing up. I have the baby shower this Saturday, I am not really looking forward to it that much but I am sure that it will be nice on the day.

Well, best be off - hope you all are well, I have alot of blog reading to catch up on!!