Uncomfortable

Firstly, let me just tell you how grateful that I am to be pregnant.  Every day, I thank God, my angels, my doctors and every other man and his dog for my family.  I am hoping that this little man, Boo2 will come to us happy, healthy and our wonderful little family will be complete.  Yes, I am very, very grateful.

But……I am HUGELY uncomfortable this pregnancy.  I can’t remember it being as bad with JBB.  I definitely weigh more so that is going to be more uncomfortable but I feel like I can barely function.  Last time, I also didn’t have a 2 year old to chase around and pick up after.  I am a bit flummoxed though at what has me so exhausted.

Yes, there is a lot going on with my sister’s hen’s day and wedding coming up.  Yes, it is tough working and trying to keep a house running and yes chasing after a two year old has its moments but plenty of other women do this every day and are not almost confined to the couch with their house a disgraceful mess and barely a meal being put on the table.

It has been a tough pregnancy, starting with my Dad dying, extremely debilitating cramps and now the two vessel cord worry.  Emotionally, this has been way tougher than the pregnancy with JBB but I wouldn’t have thought that I could barely get myself out of bed in the morning?

I think that the hardest thing is that I feel like I am a bad mother to JBB at the moment.  I don’t have much energy to play with him.  I can’t pick him up because he is so heavy.  My emotions are all over the shop.  One day last week, he leaned on my boob with his elbow so hard that I burst into tears.  He got very upset and frightened but I couldn’t stop crying.  Honestly, I felt terrible scaring him like that.  Not long after, we were tucked up reading a story on the couch but I have felt awful ever since.  This more than anything else convinces me that this is definitely our last cycle and child.  I am not getting any younger and whilst I think that there are distinct advantages to being an older mother (a post on this will be coming soon) but being 41 and pregnant is not really that easy.

Thanks for reading.  I really am grateful, just saying.

The Two Beta's

I have had two Beta's in the last week.  One on Tuesday and Friday.  Here are the results:

HCG Tuesday:  72

HCG Friday:  231

So, I think all is looking good and it now is just a matter waiting until the 6 week ultrasound to make sure that everything is okay.  

Everything feels very surreal for me at the moment, I know that there is a massively long way to go but at least for the moment, it feels like all is on track.  I can hardly believe that the trip to Thailand has even happened, let alone worked.

We had the funeral on Thursday and I am sure my Dad would have been extremely happy with the service.  He was a collector of people so there were an enormous number of people there.  

The weekend has been nice, I have been able to spend a lot of time with JBB and JourneyMan.  Friday, I took JBB to the indoor playground because the weather was horrible.  He had an absolute ball.  On Friday night, I went to the footy with my Aunty - it was the finals but I didn't really want to go because of he weather and also because I was absolutely exhausted.  I did feel that Dad would want me to go though, unfortunately my team lost but seriously, I didn't really care.

Saturday, I went to the market with my sisters and Mum and that was really nice.  My bestie dropped in after her acupuncture appointment and it was good to see here again.  It has been strange this week going from seeing her every day to only seeing her a couple of times.

Today, I was able to have a big sleep in so I feel much better.  Today, we are taking JBB to his swimming lessons and then we will have a swim with him.  Then it will be nap time for the cheeky and maybe if there is time, we will be able to take him to the mini train track for a ride on the train.

I know that I have resorted to updates again but I am overwhelmed with emotions at the moment.  Grief, joy, sadness, gratefulness, fear - you name it, I am immersed in it.  

Hell in a handbasket....

Well after everything being rosy, it has all turned to complete shite. Over the weekend, I developed a toothache that has reached gargatuan proportions. I had to go to an emergency dentist yesterday and I am booked in for a root canal on Thursday. In the meantime they have given me some antibiotics to deal with the infection and some strong painkillers (approved by the OB) but the pain killers are not even touching the pain. I have been writhing in agony today. I was hoping to have gotten a lot done but all I did was a lot of lying around trying not to think about going and getting some pliers and pulling out the tooth because it is so painful.

On top of that, every time I ate or drank this morning, I threw up. Now let me tell you, I am a total iron guts - I don't throw up - even with the morning sickness, I felt nauseous but didn't really ever throw up. So I am completely misery guts tonight and feeling very sorry for myself.

I absolutely hate, hate, hate the dentist but I tell you if I could get an appointment tomorrow, I would - the pain is phenomenal. Okay, will stop whinging now - need to sign off and lie down.