9dp5dt - We're Home - It's Negative

The posting got slack by the end because I think I have known deep down that this cycle had not worked and this morning, there was confirmation on a FRER with FMU - negative. I am completely numb, I just don't even know what to think. Why didn't this work? I can only blame myself, the main reason beings:

* I didn't lose weight in the lead up to the cycle
* I accidentally took the herbs incorrectly
* I booked the flight to Koh Samui one day earlier than I should have
* I believed it would work because it did last time and I was slacker on the complimentary therapies

I'm sure I can think of many more but those are the main ones.

I don't think that you ever forget how bad a negative cycle is but I think I got so cocky expecting it to be postive that I feel slapped down, very, very hard. I am bracing myself for it but if anyone says to me 'well at least you have JBB' I am going to vomit on them. I have been invited to a lot of things over the next few days - I just don't want to see anyone or talk to anyone about it. I don't even want to talk about our trip, I don't even want to think about the trip anymore and now everyone will want to talk about what we did etc.

For the record, I know that I am lucky to have JBB, I look at him every day and am thankful but this doesn't mean that I can't be upset over this cycle failing.

It is poor JourneyMan's birthday today - I was hoping that he would have a beautiful precious gift but no, instead he gets another freaking cycle failure and and upset and bitter wife, he deserves better.

Sorry for the terrible, self pitying post - I am really beyond words right now.