8 is enough - calmer day!

Thank you, thank you, thank you to everyone for your kind and calming words! I feel alot better today and have put the 8 embryos into perspective and am very happy!

At the moment I am loose in Thailand on my own. JourneyMan has headed off to a ninja movie (please, as if I was going to see that!!) and I am having a blissful time wandering around the shops without JourneyMan behind me sighing with boredom every few minutes. Don't get me wrong, I am not a big shopper myself but I do like to have some browsing time especially when I have time on my hands as I do on this holiday.

I am determined to find some lovely frocks and shoes before I head off for some foot reflexology and then we meet up for dinner! We went to the weekend market this morning at a place called Chatuchak just outside Bangkok and it is absolutely mammoth but not really my cup of tea for walking around - it was very hot, claustraphobic and millions of people there. You wouldn't be able to walk around the whole place in a day I don't think!!

After that, we have just been reading and dozing before we have gone our separate ways this afternoon. I have been taking some photos and I promise that I will post them over the next couple of days. We are hoping to go to the national park tomorrow and have a ride on the elephants, so that will be fun!!

In a final piece of news, JourneyMan and I stumbled across a documentary on the 'Australia' channel on the cable tv in the hotel last night. It was about a journalist who wanted a child but was not in a relationship with anyone. It was an okay documentary but honestly, I was pretty offended when she described how soulless it was looking for a spe.rm donor via the clinics. In the end she got pregnant by a one night stand. Hmmmm, I was a bit offended I must say.

Anyways, I am off to find me some frocks and shoes!!

8 Embryos....

Okay, it has not been a great day today. I got the call this morning with the fertilisation results and we only have 8 embryos. JourneyMan is quick to point out that this is our best cycle ever but I am left feeling very vulnerable. I mean, what if we don't get any that survive to day 5 - all of a sudden I am feeling very scared, emotional and anxious.

All my people have been saying comforting things (via text message) but I can't help but worry. Up until now, I had felt mainly positive and almost invicible, especially with the results of the EPU. Now I am full of worry and am playing the 'what if' game. We have come along way (and paid alot of money) to get to where we are and whilst I have never been in the position of having 8 embryos before, I thought that we would have more.

I know that I sound really ungrateful - it is just that I am so desperate. I think I am going to have to pull out my St Jude medal that the MIL gave me and sleep with it under my pillow tonight - Patron Saint of Desperate Cases is what I need right now I tell you!!

I irrationally thought that I could leave the fear behind. I also think that the drugs are having an ill effect on me - the noises of Bangkok are getting to me right now - I had to escape to the sanctuary of the hotel room all afternoon, though tomorrow we are off to the weekend market in Bangkok. JourneyMan has never been but I went with my bestie and it is very massive, hot and overwhelming - we will get there early and get out before it gets to hot I think!