The Party is Over....

Thanks for your comments, guys - honestly the IF community is serious wonderful - you can disappear of the face of the earth and then come back and some people are still reading and supporting - you are great!

So, the party!! It was a lovely day and night and we all had an absolutely wonderful time at the party!! Gosh, it has been a full on few days though!! I finished work on Thursday afternoon and it was go, go, go until a couple of hours ago when Journeyman and I sat down and sighed with relief that it was all done!

I got my 75 cupcakes made and decorated and into the shape of a number 1 for Riley's birthday cake - I think that they looked lovely, I am really proud of them and it was such a labour of love. As I decorated each little cupcake that I thought about all of the love and joy that JBB has brought into my life over the past year and I put all of that love into the cakes - it made me so happy to make the cake for him and I am going to do it every year for him (and hopefully a sister or brother for him). I really like baking and even though he won't know or remember, it is something special that I want to do for him.

JBB was such a trooper at the party. He had luckily had a big sleep just before we went to the party at 3pm and he had a wonderful time despite it being hugely loud and overwhelming (for me anyway!!). A girlfriend from work did face painting and balloon animals for the 23 kids that attended and she was a big hit. She actually brought along bubble machine and that charmed the heck out of JBB, he loved the bubbles and fought hard for a spot in front to catch them!!

For me, turning 40 was strange - basically because I literally am having trouble believing that I am 40. I am not afraid of it, I mean, my life is absolutely wonderful, I have a sensational husband, a gorgeous miracle son, unbelievable supportive family including 2 wonderful sisters, a brilliant brother, fabulous nieces and nephews, the best Mum and Dad in the world, an Aunty who is like a second mother to me a best friend (who I've known since I was 7 and now work with) who is the most supportive, fun, amazing friend in the world!! I have great in-laws who I love and an amazing bunch of friends who are always there for me to listen, provide sage advice or to just make me laugh.

Don't get me wrong, my life is not perfect. My poor Dad is wasting away, he is not even getting out of bed at the moment and it is breaking my heart to see a once, extremely vital man becoming more and more frail. I am also in alot of pain most 6 out of every 7 days at the moment - I don't know what happened after the pregnancy but the unicornuate uterus is giving me some serious grief right now. I had my third laparoscopy a few weeks ago to see if it could help alleviate the pain but unfortuately it didn't seem to do a great deal to help. My fertility specialist has said that my best option will be to have a full hysterectomy after I am done having the babies. That is just too big to even contemplate right now so I am putting it on the back burner.

Still though - the party yesterday made realise again how lucky I am. I am not a huge fan of parties, I get very stressed, especially in the lead up to and certainly, I don't like the attention being on me - it helped alot though that I was sharing the party with the real star of the show, JBB - that little treasure was the main attraction and that is the way is should be.

So, I am now 40, I thought I would be a bit more upset but honestly, how can I be upset with the life I have - as my bestie would say 'get a real problem!'. I have been wanting to do a retrospective of my 30's because they do bear some reflection, I will hopefully get to that this week.

So, JBB's real birthday is this Friday, so the festival of birthday fun will continue this week but I am knuckling down people, Thailand is my focus - it is time to dig in, concentrate on what needs to be done to be successful on this cycle and get in amongst it and do it!!

Back for round 2 (is anyone there?)

It’s been a long time since I have posted and too many things to catch up on in one post so I am going to focus on what is coming up.

Firstly, JBB and I are having a combined 1st and 40th birthday party this weekend at our local church hall from 3-8pm. There are around 50 adults and 23 children there, so it is going to be big and loads of fun. I can’t hardly believe that JBB is almost one year old, this year has gone so fast it’s unbelievable!!

Let’s talk about little JBB for awhile!! Well, he is just gorgeous and he is the absolute joy of my life. The poor thing was sick over the weekend (my birthday) and it has taken him awhile to recover, I am hoping he is going to be fit and well for the party.

He is jabbering away all of the time now, he can say ‘Mum’, ‘Dad’, ‘Nan’, Baby’, Bubba - but his favourite word at the moment is ‘Puppy’ – he loves saying Puppy and he loves JourneyDog who is Woolly, those two crack me up when they play together. He has not taken a step yet but he is on the absolute cusp – he can stand on his own and clap, he thinks he is it and a bit (and of course, he is!!) – he is in to everything around the house and when he crawls, he is sooooo fast!!

My birthday on the weekend was a bust because poor little JBB was sick and the party on Saturday is mainly for him – I hope that he is not too overwhelmed. My main goal on Saturday morning is to ensure that he gets heaps of sleep so he is raring to go at the party. A friend from work is a children’s party entertainer so she is doing face painting and balloon animals for the 23 kids that are coming along. I am making a cupcake cake in the shape of a ‘1’ for JBB – since the party is being catered, I really wanted to make something just for him. I did a test batch of the cupcakes last night and they tasted pretty good so it should be fun.

After that, I am ready to hunker down and be completely focussed on Thailand. As of today, there is only 55 days to go. I have been going to acupuncture, taking the chinese herbs, I listen to my subliminals each night, drinking fertility tea each day, I haven’t started the castor oil packs as yet, am going to do that tonight – it is all pretty much go but it has not been easy. With my Dad being sick, my Mum is run off her feet and can’t baby sit so I am having trouble with appointments with the little JBB in tow. I don’t feel as relaxed as last time, in fact, I am absolutely exhausted but I am hoping the 6 days in Thailand before the transfer will help to refresh me.

I feel quite alone in this cycle. Last time I felt like I had a lot of people really pulling for me but this time I feel it is our little family affair – everyone else has much stuff of their own on and I think a lot of people feel that since we already have JBB, it is not as big a deal. It feels like a big deal to me, in fact, in some ways it feels harder this time (in some ways it is easier too because we have had success before). I am extremely fearful of being dragged back into that black hole of cycle bfn. I am already preparing the barricades around myself.

I really hope that we will be successful. I really hope JBB will have a sibling. I really hope that after this, our cycle days will be over. I hope.