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Friday, July 31, 2009

Introducing JourneyMan...

I had never put an expectation on when I might get married, but I knew that when it came to having kids I wanted to make sure I had a roof of my own to shelter them. Being the eldest of 4, brought up in modest means I did know that 2 kids would be the most I was willing to entertain at least until I had the means to reconsider.

I felt pretty comfortable during much of my singledom, however, there was a few pangs here and there, that my life wasnt completely fulfilled and I was glad when Journey Girl came along. I've got some friends that have kids and so I never felt a need to have kids myself. I enjoy being around kids although there's plenty of upside I can see to being able to leave children with their parents when there's been too much lollies or if
they're getting too tired.

My vasectomy was a choice that I made after some sad experiences earlier in life. An ex-girlfriend and I had 2 abortions when I was 18 and 19. I tried to prevent this coming about at the time however due to circumstances we didn't go ahead with those pregnancies. After a third abortion when I was 25, I wanted to take more responsibility for birth control than I had previously. So having a vasectomy was the best solution I came up with. I felt really weird at the time, as I never thought of myself as being 'sterile' however, I reasoned that I could have it reversed it later in life when I had my own house and I could provide for the child properly. I didn't want to be trying to pay rent and support a child and have all the other expenses until I knew they were coming.

Given the trouble the vasectomy has caused with fertility I've cursed having made that choice in the past. Initially I felt really bad about going through IVF. I felt there was a personal stigma attached to going through IVF, I had seen myself as someone who wouldn't need an assisted reproduction and it took time to be able to deal with being part of the IVF program. It did and does make me happy to start a family with Journey Girl because I can see how much fun it will be. When we met with our fertility specialist I was confident we would expediently find a solition as time has gone on it has been more difficult to be confronted with ongoing failed attempted.

I don't mind the donor egg issue as we had originally discussed it in terms of a friend offering the donor egg. So I have had time to think about it and since we've been to Thailand a few times I was open to the idea. I am really excited to see how an egg donor can help us with a child as I am hoping that it will give us a boost in our potential for a positive result. I feel much better about an egg donor than the prospect of trying the drug to reverse the effect of the sperm antibodies that were created as a result of the vasectomy, since being told one of the downsides could be hip problems! Talk about extreme side-effects.

I am hoping I can help bring up fun and disciplined children. Parties at those indoor play centres are bound to be fun also. I think I've been subconciously making a list of 'the way I'll do it' in terms of what I've seen about parenting and have/have not liked. I'm sure it's not as easy as it looks though.


So it begins...

So tomorrow, I am off to see my wonderful GP, she is a fantastic doctor and I am going to have a chat to her about our donor eggs journey and to get a referral to see the haematologist. Mainly I am talking to her to get an overall view of the whole procedure to get her opinion because I trust her.

I’m sure that you’re wondering why it has come to this – going to another country to have a donor egg cycle. I am wondering how it got to this point myself. The IF journey puts some strange obstacles and decisions in your path. From the beginning my husband and I have been shocked at so many points along the way that I feel like I couldn’t be surprised by anything again.

When we got married, I knew that my husband had had a vasectomy. It was a bit of a shock when he told me about it early in our relationship, after all, he was very young (25) when he had had the vasectomy. I was surprised that a doctor had performed the operation considering his age and since then have cursed this doctor many times but what can you do, you deal with what has been put in front of you. I have asked my DH why on many many occasions why he did this because I couldn’t understand but finally after a time, I understood why he did it. That is not my story to tell, so I am not going to share it here.

Before we were even married, we had started on the path to children. After all, I was 35 about to turn 36 so I felt that time was of the essence for me and my eggs. DH went to the doctor to get a referral to look at having a vasectomy reversal and it all started when we went to our first appointment. DH and I were so clueless. We DH gave his name, the receptionist said ‘well we put everything in the female’s name for fertility treatments’. DH and I looked at each other bewildered though tried to cover over it so I filled in the forms and went and sat down. We had a whispered conversation in the waiting room ‘fertility, what the hell does that mean, we are not infertile’.

Gosh, those were the days of wide eyed ignorance. The first shock of the journey was that the fertility specialist told us that we could choose to have the vasectomy reversal or we could go for IVF ICSI. We hadn’t even considered that IVF was even an option. We both walked out of the office quite stunned and with a referral for a whole battery load of tests.

So, back to the present. I will update you after I have seen my GP to see what she has to say. Then we have an appointment on Monday to see the fertility specialist to discuss donor eggs in Thailand. I am pretty nervous I tell you. What if he won’t help out, will the Thai doctor refuse me treatment? What will I do then? What if there are too many odds stacked against me? What if we spend all of this money and go to Thailand and it doesn’t work? So many questions and I’m trying only to focus on the next step, otherwise I might go crazy!

Thursday, July 30, 2009

Come with me if you dare....

I thought that I would be married by the time I was 25. I thought that I would have 2 - 3 children by the time I was 30. I thought that my life would be *gasp* sorted out by the time the new millenium arrived!

As it happens, my life didn't turn out that way. There are many, many fantastically wonderful things that have happened in my life. I have travelled extensively, I have a wonderful family and brilliant friends but I found myself in my 30's, single and considering that I may not have the life of my dreams. Don't get me wrong, I loved being single - well around 85% of the time but down deep I wanted to meet a nice man, get married and have children.

I have never been a person that 'didn't want' children, I have always wanted to have kids of my own. After many years of being single, I had to contemplate that I may not have the opportunity. Happily, I met my gorgeous husband and we married 2 years ago (yesterday!). We started 'trying' for kids almost immediately and I say 'trying' because my husband had had a vasectomy so we basically went straight on to IVF.

After 5 unsuccessful IVF ICSI cycles, a vasectomy reversal and 2 laparoscopy's, can a girl who has a unicornuate uterus, one kidney and a blood clotting disorder get pregnant through donor eggs via a donor in Thailand? We have just begun to explore this option and this blog is to express my feelings and fears along the way.
I have followed many blogs over my own journey and wanted to create my own. Want to come along?

Journey Girl